Och, "the alchemist, physician, and magician". He rules 28 provinces. His luminary is the Sun.

One of the Seven Olympian Spirits.








As for me, I'm Sunday's Child. But the child born on the Sabbath Day,
Is fair and wise and good and gay.

We need this now, the sun. Brighter, warmer. More. Light. Brighter.

It has been dark and cold so bring the light, there's enough. Bring it back.

Susan Denise Atkins (May 7, 1948 – September 24, 2009)

I had no idea til today that she is gone. I always found her fascinating. One person, can be many things, and not necessarily what they appear. Of course, whatever happened that night, I suppose she is guilty probably, and it was right to put her away. But the story is more complex than it's made out to be. Anyway, to the left is one of her paintings. She became a born again Christian minister. She was a brilliant person. She was gorgeous.....really her being put away is a waste of a life, with tremendous potential. She did however accomplish much in prison; among the ministry as I mentioned also as a painter and jewelry designer. There is just something about her that.....well, draws me in. I wish I could have known her or had coffee with her. Maybe with her spirit. A coffee seance. Here's her site Susan Atkins Whitehouse.





Also Brittany Murphy, wtf happened there? Drug overdose? I wonder about these deaths that are so "random..." ....

couple cool chicks

Natalie Merchant

Shakira

reprint b sigil

lsd 25


moon.....
apt search
acting ads
sw ads



feed cats


sew sachets for l, mo

meds

Thursday

orange and light orange and benevolence...... when there's time....... and forgiveness...... and good...good....things had been pretty dark.



Jupiter/Zeus



campanula_persicifolia





Thursday

Originally Thor's Day or Jupiter's Day

Jupiter is the god of philosophy, luck, sports, travel.

Saved. Saved. Universal flow. Saved. Saved.

Feminazi New World Order?

if you are male, you are in grave danger, according to Henry Makow. Apparently, though I'd have to devote more time to reading this, but in summary, he prose lytizes the same sort of thing: that there is some kind of devil-worshipping left wing "feminist" or " feminazi" (a contradiction in terms as the nazis were anti-feminist; kinder, kuche, kirche) illuminati conspiracy of bankers, newspaper owners, world leaders...the list goes on and on to........teach five year olds about condoms, kill innocent children, tell women to castrate or kill their husbands, ditto kill their kids, shave their heads, or not shave their armpits.....I have apparently lost touch with my "natural, loving instincts."

and so on, something to that effect.

Maybe I should hate these people but I actually feel sympathy. And millions of people in America believe this.....that the New World Order of feminists and liberals is out to get them, among other things. The zionist, feminist media won't let people like Henry Makow speak. I, people like me, apparently am part of this conspiracy.

I was taught sex education along with my classmates at age ten. This was a few years before the AIDS epidemic began. Condoms have saved me, I am sure. On at least one occasion they prevented me from getting an STD. They are the reason I never had to have an abortion. Probably because I was educated about the dangers out there, including dangerous people, I am still alive now.

I feel like I'm stating the obvious here, but.....

well, first of all I do not "worship the devil." Some people think anyone who is not Christian is a satanist, or that wiccans are satanists. They think yoga is satanic. As for me, I'm not religious. I don't "worship" anything or anyone. More on this another time.

There are people who .....sick.....condone what happened to someone like Matthew Shepard. There was a notice put up around Christopher Street that two young gay men, both I believe under the age of 20, were murdered in hate crimes. What has been done about it? The newspapers are obsessing on Tiger Woods and his girlfriends day and night and where is the outrage about these two men? Where is the coverage period? When I go to the Food Emporium I am forced to pass this tank with live lobsters in it. These poor creatures are tied up, waiting for nothing but death, a horrible one. I don't know how any human being can put these things in water. From what I hear, people have heard them scream. I stopped eating meat for the most part.

I don't know why I have to say this, but to me the horrors of this world are not in "Satan" or some kind of supernatural being, but in humans. It's the human race who is destroying the planet and harming and killing animals, and other innocent people and children. There is so much that I can't go into here. So....to many people this is not the biggest threat; rather that two men in Greenwich Village want to marry or kiss or hold hands in public, or that a woman somewhere, often poor and desperate, is getting an abortion.

I'm not this bleak really. I suppose this is the worst of things. I'm trying to "cleanse" all this bad stuff in me, that I know is there. Maybe it's not "in" me but all around me. I haven't given up. There has to be hope....

I was raised Christian, Episcopalian. I have that in common with Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin. Christ is about love, compassion and humility. Love your enemy, turn the other cheek, give your coat to the person next to you. Hmm.....does something seem off here?

These people have very magnetic personalities.

maybe

my stuff seems dark and negative. but really...I hope....cheesy? I hope it's never anything but....well, an act of love ultimately. the love has to be there. whichever way you choose. flowing through you. that's the hard part. love can be dark and violent though. venus is a violent planet and one of war sometimes. so hey.......there' s so much bad out there. it's an everyday effort. I am not alone. have to keep remembering that. at times it feels like you're alone in the universe. i have to listen to my instinct...like Julia Cameron is saying. And that's so often at odds with what everyone around me...including those I love and believe in....say. yeah, it is a struggle at times. well, you know, I do my bit....what else can I do? I may not be perfect or never make mistakes. I may not be the prettiest, youngest, the best dancer, whatever. but I'm attractive enough, I have some advantages that many want. I come from a great family, though flawed, from white middle class America. No one beat or molested me. I usually, eventually get the help I need. I've had good and bad things happen to me. The love is there in my life, not perfect but there are those who try to be there for me. But they can't do it all. Who can? get what I need for me....

I sometimes feel like a victim. maybe I am one at times. Or I feel that of others. It is impossible for me to just be grateful and not feel anything. for others. If only I could be that way. I wish I could just be sometimes. But I'm not.

what's hot gets hotter
lust, dust, rain down on us
all that's red
bled and bold
we are young and not old
all that's red bled and sold
we are hot and not cold
we are hot
and not cold
we are hot
and not cold
we are hot
and not cold

that that divides
burn it away
that that deprives
burn away
that that starves
burn away
that that harms
burn it away


all that's red shiny and bled
we are alive and well fed
fed and bled
again again again again
til the end again and again
til the end again

via combusta

it is cold

pierce me the pin is hot my blood burns for you
ears are numb and the pin prick still red raw burning sensation
clean wiped me with alcohol
that which is purple shines on my leg
look in the mirror and I see a different face everyday
that which is not my own and
i am turning to stone when will it end
I am bending down wishing for revenge desire
I am frozen and shaken
and something hits me stings burns
I am numb and icy hot
I fell through the floor and it's
not ok and I am alive still not ok still
alive still and not ok something protected me
even during the worst and yes I wanted to believe
but I couldn't stop it something rose out of the ground
shook me every part of me
they won and somehow I must have let them
the burning is through all of me
there must be an escape
soil is soft and endless
feels that way scratches me is under my nails
can I ever get rid of it
my hands are dry cracked
with tiny scratches
I was saved the bruises shadowed again

and.....

I was really falling apart and falling down
but I'm on the other side now
and I'm not ok really
I can't pretend I'm ok
I'm dying in a way and
what will ever be enough

will I ever not want this, this and something more


something less
the wind slaps my face burns

love and war and it's burning endlessly
and what is in the river what is it and who is it and who and who and who and who there has to be a reason there has to be one
and it is there and it is there and I have endless endless cravings and my needs are endless and they never never never end never will end never
and yet someone knows someone knows even more
what are my secrets?
there are too many
I'm dirty and cracked everywhere

it's quiet in here
and these people have disintegrated into werewolves




but here I don't have to think or try to think
he's in a straightjacket
night is the only time for me
the sunlight burned my eyes
she's the crazy lady on the hill
there are drugs that would cure her
you know you've fallen too far
at her level


I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

?????????????



does it make sense?


have to say, though, the universe is pret-ty

LSD 25

hmmmmm.......

my experiences with acid were not good.

but......

I guess I never had the pure stuff which is what my friend said lsd 25 is.

I have a personal relationship with those letters and the number 25. My bday is july 25. 25 is associated with some people I'm close to.

Uranus is the 7th planet from the solar system.....2 + 5 = 7.

Perhaps I should try this stuff again.

Under the right circumstances.

hot

getting hot
cold we are not
getting hot
cold we are not

that which starves
send it away
that that deprives
send it away
that that divides
is gone that way

ours is the map new version

Ours is hot getting hotter
lust is us lust is us
red is dust falling down on us
red is dust falling down on us
down on us
down on us


that which is red.....
love my heart
that which is bled
love my heart


all our blood is hot, red hot
all our love is hot, red hot
blood is ours
love is ours
blood is ours
love is ours
lust is us
red is dust
lust is us
red is dust
hot hot oh we're so hot
hot hot
is us
love is us
red is dust
lust is us
night that's right
lust lust is us
red is dust
lust is us

help with

cash of course of course hot sex (even more than I'm having already) apartment ??????? love friends beauty organization /scheduling stop negativity stop my paranoia find out .....


find out



what the fuck is happening? anywhere?????????????

grrrrr

Sarah Palin Dartboard


Aw, ok I'm mean. But someone else actually thought of it.........

you

you kill me but I find you fascinating. Can't seem to get enough. Fascinating that someone like you can exist. Wanting to know why?

new....this time?

this time
it was you
it was you

all that was tight
gets tighter

all that was light gets lighter

what is mine is all mine

what is mine is all mine
all mine




this time
I had to have it had to
had to have it again this time again

new version of ALL/flying high all the way to Paris

I'm going out, going out for a night
I'm going out, going out for a night

do I feel fear
do I
do I feel fear
do I




all these things
all these things
all these things
are coming your way
all these things
all these things
all these things
coming your way
coming your way



I'm sinking,
into myself I'm
falling, falling again
had to breathe, to begin again



raining, raining heavy
raining, heavy raining


and these didn't exist before

it's raining
and lust, will come again
will come again
raining lust will come again


all that's bright
glass fragments shine
light down on me, through me again

they swallow me up
swallow me up
I'm part of them

are you going out
going out again

where are you going?

I'm going out
going out
I'm going out
going out


and I'll see you
see you

I'll see you
this time
how can't I

have to share this

this is so fucking great in my view......

here is the conversation I had on youtube

Teimoso.....Riding f. Shelley Preston

lauraalta (1 week ago) Show Hide

0

Marked as spam

Reply | Remove

am I the only person in the world who loves this song? this is brilliant....

who is teismo????

vpowah69 (1 week ago) Show Hide

Marked as spam

Reply

nop :) This track was famous when it cames out (Digweed compiled it i think).

Teimoso is Rui Da Silva, old progressive producer.

lauraalta (3 days ago) Show Hide

0

Marked as spam

Reply | Remove

yeah I used to listen to that CD global underground LA constantly...

left hand path/satanism does not equal abuse of animals

it centers on respect for the earth and that means the environment and all that lives in it.

great article--yoga is a science, not a religion

http://lefthandpath.typepad.com/left_hand_path/2008/02/yoga-is-not-a-r.html

i don't know

this person or what she did or who she asked for.....but my guess is that either she was not respectful or she's mentally unstable.

was it.....

Sometimes I see very intense things when I close my eyes. They are as real as a photograph. I don't know where I saw any of these faces.....? who knows....

I thought I heard footsteps, but no one was there. A shadow against the wall.....moving very quick, like a bat. When I close my eyes the visions are vivid and full I saw a man with blue mud on his face, he leaned over me. Then a face, not human, some kind of reptile. With wings. Some other things not so.....things that would just spring up pow! like that.....the feeling where you are walking in your sleep and trip...... Flying also.

All revised

all these things I
come your way vi
oh I'm on fire vi
I'm on fire



something silvery
jewelry reflects like like
the moon the sun
sparks one, two
it's you, always you

fell into something
you fell
but now you're back up
there's mud on you
or is it dirt

and again it flashes
the tiny star
runs by you and through you
so fast I can't stop it

Question Everything by Buddha

"Rely not on the teacher/person, but on the teaching. Rely not on the words of the teaching, but on the spirit of the words. Rely not on theory, but on experience. Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. Do not believe anything because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything because it is written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and the benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."
--The Buddha

And I'm speaking as a life long feminist.....I am shattered. I can't believe.....that someone could stoop so low.

to those

who insult and defame my friends:

hey you're entitled to speak it's a free country. Even though you did not allow others the same....those who disagreed with you or questioned your highly unbelievable aspersions against person in question which, by the way, you did not keep anonymous.

And you are allowed your opinions no matter how wrong you may be. But if you're going to say that people whom I've become close to are these evil monsters when, face it, you have nothing which to back up your accusations, expect that I and others are going to take offense and well, lash back. Where are the other sides' comments? I looked and can't find them.

My friends are not perfect individuals. They make mistakes like anyone. But they don't deserve what is being hurled at them. OK. more on this later.

and

it's the waning moon now, in Scorpio. What better time to....?

noise?

I was in the library and had music on my headphones and this annoying girl with a snotty little accent came up to me and told me I was making noise.....really bitchy about it. I mean, at least ask politely. But you know it's not worth getting into it with her. I have too much else going on. I could say some really nasty stuff but I have too much class. Women so much of the time are very nasty with me....they just don't like me. I don't like many of them. It's a mutual animosity. I never had many girlfriends though I had a few. It's disheartening, though. There could be a positive bonding but it rarely happens. I try. Cunt. My ex roommate was very nasty to me....so many of them, too many to count. It always ends on a horrible not. And it was never my intention for that to happen. I don't know what I did wrong, if anything. Very nasty and condescending. I was very hurt and offended. But what can I do? The energy it would take to retaliate is a waste it's that which I could spend on something productive. So sue me, I've made mistakes. All my goodwill fell by the side.

So in a wonderful world where everything happens right


travel to cartegena, paris, egypt
finish and perform songs
backup singers
finish sps
get tattoos
get piercings


waning moon in scorpio....good time for banishing for good.

have great sex
visit cats

new words

going back
it's my one thing one and only thing
future that's ours all the stars my only
only thing
take a risk money is honey
living for the only thing only thing
I'm your favorite
running, running while it gets darker

To Britney Spears

You are awesome too, I wish I could be friends with you I think we'd get along... and an amazing dancer but bad, very bad, for using those elephants in your video.

Elephants belong in Africa, or India, or wherever they typically roam, NOT under a tent! I'd say let all these animals go and they will probably survive. People say they won't, being bred in captivity, but I think that's bullshit. I know that cats are resilient and can usually make their way.

Open letter to Quentin Tarantino

You're the best. Almost. Ok. There is no BEST...but you're up there. You're awesome. Please hire me. I'll do....well not anything, but anything not too demeaning. And that doesn't harm animals.

light lady

stabbed a tiny drop
red, red, feel it to my fingertips, to my ends, my hair
feel the beating against my chest
blood spurting, my eyes roll back
seeing darkness, then light again
a bell, the sound echoes against me
there's something in me, a kind of smoke
that opening sharp also so
all the love, love can flood me


Impossible to run away from
could there be so much blood?
in one person
this was a dream date, still is
somehow it goes through you, all again
those shards of glass could be diamonds
one big blessing and she didn't die
it's all yours
and your heart opens, stabbed this time
the blood is black, and red
smoke comes out of you

feeling it again
i'm sinking into myself
here to stay, something's melting
the blessings, the gems,
fall on my face



ice hits my knees is
winter always so brutal?

Getting there

forming in drops
glass broken into three sides
but it's heaven sent and
you're hot, hot inside
and the freedom is yours
really, finally yours
do you know
what it's like
to be light when you were heavy

she who tortures you smiles and lies
she tells you she's only looking out for you
to make yourself holy you need only
annihilate yourself
she smiles and stabs you
again and again
wipe yourself off the planet
she'll ruin your life while living it

oh so holy
so unquestionable
who are you to fuck with this?

ours is the map new draft

Ours is the map the world
we have only to jump over
all my heart, and love and
that which is red.....begins to reflect and
it's mine, to throw out
out to the world
all my blood is hot , red hot
all my love is hot, red hot
heating up, higher now

you piss me off but I still love you am I sick?

what can I do?

what can I?

I can do something.....


I AM NOT POWERLESS .........

remember in American Beauty? I refuse to be a victim?

SO.....


what do I do?

you follow the world

oh help me vii
I didn't mean to vii
didn't mean to vi

oh heavy, heavy love ii
it's mine, all mine V
oh I beg you mercy mercy
I have to stay alive, somehow
see yourself outside yourself
iii
iii
love, love will cure all iii
it's the only hope


ii
ii
see yourself outside yourself vi
you will be tortured in so many ways

are you afraid? iii
to be free, to be really free vii


(more)


oh it's us, us and we are one iii
we're two and become one iii
could it happen? it's hunger, love
hunger, love
what it is seizes you ii (??????)
why is it so hard to find the truth
what's really obvious

health care quote

ok. All this week I've been dealing with health insurance issues. This had been an ongoing problem for months, but now after intense concentration I'm managing to resolve it. I applied for this cheap program and also am eligible for this 9/11 program as my mother was downtown at the time. I went into the clinic at St. Vincent's hospital and, after waiting all day, talked to a social worker and psychiatrist who prescribed me some medication as it turns out I have ADHD. I really do, no bs.

I will get into the massive....as this was part of our consciousness raising for the women's group I worked with....we gave our testimonies. That's only the tip of mine. I moved, I never got the forms for renewal as I'd had insurance before so it expired then to apply again I needed a letter from an employer which in my situation is extremely difficult to get, if not impossible. I won't get into THAT. BUT, someone I have been doing some work for finally agreed to sign a letter. But the point is, I don't see why I need the person above me, or any third person involved to get health insurance. My getting it was dependent on someone else's goodwill. But in my case, universal health care saved me. My friend made a funny quote once, saying that the taxes in Europe are much higher than here in the US and they only keep half of what they earn as the rest goes into these social programs. He said, "The money has to come from somewhere it's not going to come from a magic wand." So I suppose there's no easy answer. I don't think the middle class should carry the burden of paying for the problems of the whole US, or...? I mean, so many people are out of jobs now that they need these things. Well, anyway, just some thoughts on the subject.

getting there which way

getting there which way?
the sermon will begin
you missed it again
you've have this dream before, will again


marks on your skin
only a small sting, the sharpness
it's bled bled and red

you know what's yours,
celestially sent, this
this
is mine it's bent

we could

we could be both
from the same place
and sometimes I shut
my eyes and there you are

in fact for you to get insulting or personal in such a way as you did, to be angry is one thing but to insult and abuse me to my face and publicly embarrass me proves one thing: i did the right thing by leaving you were never my friend or anything beyond i won't get into that hear we were never meant to be and you are absolutely without a doubt the WRONG person.....so i'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart i apologize for my mistake. for my "fuck up." and you really knocked me to the floor. and i absolutely know we are not meant to be and never were.

As for current one, and I pray, if _____ you know who you are....if you do love me do not EVER do what they did. I believe...rather KNOW you do. You must. Why else would you be with me? It's not for my money. I'm not the BEST looking girl, though I think I'm pretty enough. BUT: I pray again the times I feel you don't really care for me or value me, it's a misunderstanding. I feel you must love me but other times I don't. I have no idea what you're up to ....actually I do. If you're doing to me what you did to the others.....won't get into that here. I loved you. Maybe that was my mistake---but no. No. In spite of everything, I can't see it that way. BUT:

don't start acting like them. When you do that's when I take off. I really will. DO NOT be like them. Do not ever insult or abuse me like they did. I have to trust you won't be.

It's hard but not impossible. It's a constant effort......but it can be done.

It is possible for love to fill me up, and others. I have to love myself and be happy, to feel deserving. Without that, I can't give to anyone else. So that's where I'm focusing.

As for.....

so called Illuminati or Masonic or Reptilian conspiracy theories.....maybe they exist maybe not. But obsess over that and you stay on the bench driving yourself into a frenzy of generalized hate and paranoia...of THEM and how They hold you back. Really the occult is not a secret: the information is out there for anyone wanting to study or learn. There's no excuse for NOT knowing.

But ......

But.


It's hard, but you have to keep filling yourself with love. Let that emanate from you. Whatever path you choose to take, that has to be there....an act of love and compassion. Easier said than done, cause there's a lot of shit out there that you'll be bombarded with, that and bad information. I try--every day I have to combat all this bad stuff. I'm working on getting it away. When I say bad I mean BAD. And it's a struggle. But not impossible.

I don't believe in karma. I don't. Reincarnation, maybe. Did Hitler get away with what he did? Not like I'm the last word.....but I don't know. Maybe he did. These men who tortured people on mere suspicion in the latest war, are they getting punished? According to the Wall St. Journal, no they're not. If they're true sociopaths, they may never suffer if they don't get punished and feel no guilt. And many of them don't. I've encountered a few people like them in my life. And I can say they NEVER feel guilty, the worst of them.

??????

Do they?

These people are a minority, though. Most of us are in a grey area. I'm not pretending to be perfect. I've done stuff I am not proud of. But at least I acknowledge my mistake. You know?

So people do awful shit and get off. In A Clockwork Orange his victims turned on him. But in life, that hasn't happened.

Still, I feel like me being hateful in return isn't a solution. I haven't been TOO badly victimized. I didn't deserve what bad stuff I did get. But more ugliness and negativity....what will that solve?

It's not for me to say what people should do.

I'm not being pessimistic--this is a message of hope! It means we people have power in us....it's up to us to create our OWN karma and justice in THIS life.


.....more on this later......

I am in the mirror
far away there's no one
to fear
and it could have been me
on those occasions
I escaped.....
my vision blurry but
I'm out, again

I hear the breathing
I sometimes can
I don't want to listen

summer new version

gotta boast this is golden! thank you you know who you are even though I don't agree with all your views you somehow shined on this and this song is just cherry! been working on it since april or may....getting there really!!!!!!!! finally





are you trying
to drive me crazy
or is it me maybe
i'm just lazy
it always comes down to me
down to me
will I be free?

have to not
not think
too hard
not think
there you know there's a reason
oh you must know
there must be

the truth hurts
why do you want to hear it
you know the leaves are
turning green turning green
the trees are turning pink
and summer will come oh
will
he's mine and I live for the sun
oh

you know it's you
or me be free
be free
have to be
has to be
help me oh
sorry help me

noise?

this could mean
what is it?
you're the tree I dance around
they know nothing
it's all noise
forgive me
must be meant to be
all mercy what's bright getting brighter

cause you're the noise that
fakes every sound
la la la le la le la

what does it mean
nothing could be everything
what is it now?
you're a fallen star
all around, dust surrounds you
shiny and dull, everywhere


they know nothing la la la le
oh what can I do
la la la la la
what can I do
will I be released
my blood it leaves
everything seeps
fallen star, dust all around me
mercy, fallen will you remember?
can never be through
can you remember?

All

all these things
come your way
I'm burning now





what I needed
is what I thought
falling over me
red silver dust
must be divine
this thing that's mine

hot and cold
water and fire

give me wings again

I'm going out, going out for a night
do I feel fear?
it stabs away at the sides of my head
mirrors that are splintered
it's love, a mask, breathe