Thinking back

I was 23 making a lot of dumb decisions the consequences of I am living with to this day. How I want once and for all to just be free of it. True I was young and confused I didn't know what I was doing. No one is of sound mind at that age. Still.....it was a waste. I did a lot of good things too. But there is something else.....something bigger, fiercer and darker. Only in parts is it becoming clear. I was surrounded by a lot of people who were not well intentioned......just not good people period. Classic alcoholic behavior.........lots of drama, lots of haze and noise......but deceptive. Everything is somebody else's fault. Everyone else is wrong. Everything is your fault, someone else's and never theirs. =

Winter xmas

but this lovely uptown scenery

I do love the buildings in wash heights inwood riverdale it is very pretty here la neige wintertime

Fargo and Erin Brock-o-Bitch

Sitting in a marble hill chinese food place while my clothes wash and eating my second hot and sour soup I am ......I dunno. Sorry was meant to be a draft. I watched Fargo and Erin Brockovitch two favorite films of mine while I was recovering from illness or rather while I was ill.  I saw the second one in a makeshift theater in hells kitchen no longer there.....guess I like this film because I can understand some of what the character deals with though her way is not necessarily mine. Fargo I am obsessed with kind of reminds me of family and people I know in Michigan......it's kind of similar to Minnesota if not the same.

Waxing luna

From last night

Snow!

What helps is heat heat heat

Lots. The heat comes through the vents and I blast the heater. Close the windows as the draft is what started it. I have to be basically incubated when I sleep or I get sick. That's what I love about the old buildings in the east village they are steam heated tiny and cozy. And warm.

Recovering

I was deathly sick for a week. Waking up coughing. Any exposure to air would set it off. ........said I would be a good girl scout problem is I eat......a lot. I run a lot. Lift legs huff puff then cough out my stomach. Hung out last night at a local club partly work a very sweet acquaintance. I got into these e cigarettes (quit smoking many years ago) but they add to the problem......they scratch at my lungs even if they are not smoke so I had to lay off them as well. The trains aren't heated enough and running in the cold doesn't help but as hell as it is I feel better after running. Mentally and emotionally I was smashed, in a horrible place. I am better. Replaced the flowers guess that made the difference?

Writings

They say document oh god yes live in your mind heart everything shaking ........thought you were.dying but rising out of the flames......they tried to kill you but they can't .......some people are worth saving and others are not.  A girl wrote once "let them all walk out in front of the bus and we'll run the scum over. There are better people to save." Harsh but hey......live your life being nothing but a cunt, living selfishly and hurting other people, for no reason other than you feel you want and deserve what they have entitled to what? At the end of the day you go home alone you are alone you have nobody except false friends because that's what you attract, you alienated everyone else......

High school 1982

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZynIhCs27Xs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Spuytin Duyvil pix

This is a small walk from where I live.....I went running this morning. The opposite way toward Seton Park.....had my head phones on. I came back and saw ambulances a police cadaver truck, then heard the chopper hovering super low. I knew something was going on.....the whole atmosphere was bad and I always feel these things. For a number of reasons many personal ones it brought out the worst in me. I managed to document some of it......
The sunny pictures were taken around 8 am the others after ten......

Watched

Law and Order the "We are no longer accepting....." bizarre I went running through Central Park earlier and took that photo of one of the posh stores earlier.....a guy and girl get shot in Central Park.....so this other girl can get her kid into an exclusive prep school. I .....am very familiar with the uptown crowd that someone would resort  to this is not shocking. This was an awesome episode.....

I'm Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous

Madison Ave

Morning)

Down home Ohio (shootout)

And you thought the "wild west" was a thing of the past.....Damn. Guess it's a good thing I was taken out of there age seven!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THqDidIr4Xs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Had this dream the

World was ending everyone was dying we were all being led downstairs to what? Hell.....before I was above on earth saying to a friend wonder if in the universe there are planets like earth they evolved just like this one he was saying I'd like to know......underground people were laboring one woman started trying to dance while sweeping it was like a concentration camp dirty dark dusty.....kept thinking is this a joke.....

Fall pictures

It's a bitch to get up on the morning but worth it. You can't beat the light. Fall foliage absolutely gorgeous.....

Strange guy sat next to me on the train

Cryptic mask and something like handcuffs, one of them attached to his wrist.....

Major Tom

This cracked me up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6NXyxEtCR8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Mr. Goodbar wrapper

This is clearer. I wonder who would do this......Sylvia Plath wrote "is there no way out of the mind?" Or some people are already out of them.....?

Looking for Mr. Goodbar.....?

My friend got this film for me.....made in 1977. I had been discussing this with someone else. Today I went into the library sat down and found an empty Mr. Goodbar wrapper. Pretty perturbing, actually. 
I am assuming the message of this film was a "warning" of sorts to women who thought they could have their cake (beefcake?) and eat it: you can't. No matter what, the world is a very different place for women then men, thus so is sex. You can't simply flip the tables and get the same scenario. Sad, you know? In the 70s casual sex was trendy, I guess is the word. This is before AIDS.....and NYC was very different as well. There were many pitfalls (ooh what a word) and double standards that came with the "sexual revolution" as has been documented by other people. Women discovered, too late, that they were not being liberated the way they thought they would be, or maybe were told they would be, and this is largely what led to the second wave feminist movement.  Anyone who is a rational thinker would see that the way to women being sexually liberated is not picking up men in bars and taking them back to your apartment for one night stands (boy I could say a lot more but another time for that).


Rosanne Quinn, whose story this is based on. 

This in the library

Candle Burning Safety

I love candles. However, it is imperative that they be worked correctly and safely. I recommend from having burned many:

1) Don't fall asleep with a lit candle. That's an old superstition anyway. Just for extra safety. Snuff, don't blow, them out.

2) Never leave a candle lit next to a curtain or anything really. Leave plenty of space around it.

3) Don't stand them in the middle of a shelf or under anything.

One tragedy is too many and there have been more than one. Here are some more suggestions:

http://www.candles.org/safety_rules.html

Privacy

There was a song Lindsey Lohan sang.....I'm tired of rumors.....I'm sick of being followed........I dunno......just prefer to keep certain areas to myself. Space is sacred.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJPjL9oHKHo&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Hecate

One of my favorites among the Greek goddesses.....

http://search.yahoo.com/search?ei=UTF-8&fr=crmas&p=hecate

Hairy, Mask and others

Are stalking me and.....a third has been thrown into the mix. Following me even to personal trips. Reminds me of the Carol Burnett spoof of Rebecca I turnaround she is there. She is not someone I want to see. Ms.  Hari Kari is willing to kill me so she can have her beloved and me out of the way. Boy Ms. Are you in dire need of a wake up call! Your beloved sex addict will be off yet again as the next thrill breezes past.

Moon

In Pisces.....the fish. 237,000 (rounded off) miles away. 95 percent illuminated.....room 237? Someone equated that with the moon.....
"El esta por mi y por ti borro....." (where can I find the accent thingie)

Speaking of

Hairy is at it again.....Rhett Butler said you can't win a war with words heaven knows I am a lover not a fighter but I haven't done too well in the lover part so maybe I should switch over.....

Glacier National Park

A woman allegedly pushed her newlywed husband off the cliff.....same park where the opening to the Shining was filmed. It's called Shining park and was the site of a massacre, by the Eurotrash invaders (oh wait, those are my people.....oops.....I am part English descent.....I can always say 'we' didn't do this my folks least I never heard of it),  of an American Indian tribe 170 people.....led by Heavy Runner the chief. Nice, huh? In the film Jack Nicholson speaks of the "white man's burden" which is how the English and French explained their practice of invasion and occupation.....ironic since the English did just that to the French and were finally chased out by an army led by la pucelle, J'eanne D'arc.  But.....history repeats itself. Had the tables been turned would the Indians have done the same? How much bloody history ARE we sitting on? What aren't we taught? I may be wrong.....I believe the man Cory was from Kalispell.....Kali the Indian goddess of bloodshed. This woman was allegedly afraid for her life according to text messages so she goes to an . Isolated site in the mountains with him.....doesn't make sense......if you're afraid of someone why do that? ......he somehow ended up at the bottom of a cliff.....did he attack her or did she push him .....on July 7 anniversary of Vivien Leigh's death and that was not a good day for me either. A midsummer night's horror show? It was for me.
Three cheers for the red white and blue?
I come here seeking peace.
But it is not.......

Sadistic abuse?

Poke poke twist.....some have earned it.
Learning the skillet driven through my intestines indeed J was playing man-fuckhead games two timing me with Hari Kari  .....fortunately I woke up from that nightmare.....don't ever want to go through that ever again.....the news that hit me with the force of a knife or a bullet.....shattered my world my dreams my heart and soul my everything.....left to pick up the pieces and never again never again never again.....

Zoos are wrong

It tears me apart to think of any animal suffering. Not one should ever be in a cage. They are not ours to keep. I hear of people keeping snakes as pets then......snake bites them. That is what snakes do. They are not our personal toys. They belong where nature put them. Nowhere else. Who the hell thinks a cottonmouth or black mamba or tiger is their little pal? Their bff........stupid. I dont want to say they deserve  to  get bit. I read about a minister who was trying to "snake charm" in front of his congregation.......the power of "God" would keep it from biting him. Well, he got bit. I am sorry the man was killed but maybe that's a larger message   about nature, animals, religion......and where .....how do I say it? Listen to life and the world as a message where "God" or whatever your idea of a higher power wants animals to be. Where their abode is or natural habitat: the jungle, the desert, the Arctic, the ocean.....is where they're intended to be. I know what people mean when they say give me liberty or give  me death. Birds aren't pets either and don't belong in cages. They need to be let out. Better they die out in the world than slowly in prison. I would rather be dead than not free. But birds won't die most likely but find their way to the Florida keys. I am confident in this.
What is that song "key largo montega .....the poconos....." something like that.....

One solution to this

Set the animals free!!!!! No more zoos. I emphatically say this.

http://in.mobile.reuters.com/article/idINL1N0HV0O220131006?irpc=932

Halloween photos

.....some pictures I took around the city and Brooklyn

Continuation Lillith she's a hottie.....(and a redhead)

http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=A0PDoV2UDUlSoGMA3KSJzbkF;_ylu=X3oDMTFxcG9sbTJoBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDaW1nBG9pZANjOGU4ZDliNzFiZjJkZThiZTRmZTUyN2JjMmM2OTE5MARncG9zAzY-?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3Fp%3Dlillith%26fr%3Dcrmas%26tab%3Dorganic%26ri%3D6&w=900&h=1200&imgurl=lillithu.files.wordpress.com%2F2012%2F07%2Flilith_by_isra2007.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Flillithu.wordpress.com%2F&size=188.3KB&name=Les+Fl%C3%A8ches+de+Lilith+%7C+Un+Autel&p=lilith&oid=c8e8d9b71bf2de8be4fe527bc2c69190&fr2=&fr=crmas&rw=lilith&tt=Les+Fl%C3%A8ches+de+Lilith+%7C+Un+Autel&b=0&ni=36&no=6&ts=&tab=organic&sigr=10uhc52p6&sigb=12gqi7kl5&sigi=11rlq7uug&.crumb=TqthkkDKWTM&fr=crmas

Me at J's 2009

Before he was kicked out by a corrupt slumlord we were forced apart but.....I a rising star.....and fucking J. Boy that got to some people, didnt it? Stealing the spotlight? Those who did did too much more than they had a right to. They went too far and thought I wouldn't find...out that I would be an easy prey too spaced out naive huh? You who did . You know who you  are and  "who benefits?" Enjoy it while it lasts is all I can say. One of these days you'll have to answer for what you did.....and your true colors will show. No more the facade.

Watched an interview with Princess Diana

She was awesome.....I love her. Really not what I had thought. Even as a child she did not seem like a child ......she was like five going on ninety .....she seemed very understanding and likewise I can feel for what she talked about.....

Instances

People fall in with the wrong crowd and listen to them rather than their heart. That costs them the people who matter to them. They are encouraged to do things that hurt and alienate those close to them. Most of J's friends are decent. He made his own choices. But I had warned him to stay away from certain people and he would not. People's envy, anger and meanness ......whatever it is. Sad that .....

Little Laura

Me age 13 just after moving to nyc

Found this site

http://stalkingvictims.com/stalking-101/survival/

In response to attack freaking out

Was attacked so horribly was screaming hysterically sobbing freaking out near subway can only.......
Want my freedom. Want these horrid people to leave me alone. Want to get on with my life. That's merely all

J's insane obsessed ex attacking me again

The aggression worse and worse. You could say that debacle was a mistake. I was very unfortunate to ever be in that persons domain. Horror.

Stuerme

Superman riverdale