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Photos and videos

Larger issues?

Sylvia Plath in her confessional poetry linked "personal to political" her private issues linked to the chain of global events then the bomb, WWII;  in physics everything that happens creates a shock wave that travels and affects everything else. My personal drama me just one person and I have problems but I certainly do have it good compared to some.....but "relevant to the larger things" past and present; the Inquisition, the Kennedy assassination, ....."corrupt and tainted with a thousand vices" .....you don't know until you put it down then in retrospect.....I was reading about brain hemorrhages and was wondering if I was having one but I hope not.....or if I'd ever had a concussion. How would I know?

And

From what I've been told, most likely this person is part of something larger, ugly and deadly. Certainly not anyone to effect any kind of pious attitude it'd be one thing if they were. St Catherine took on some ten or eleven judges Jim Garrison something similar. No, real friends do not do this to people. Such can only come from an ugly and sick human being

To Sin by Silence

Ella Wheelcox

GREAT poem

The truth hurts and can get one killed. It hurts to write it though it nearly killed me at times. I never claimed to be perfect however let me clarify. I do NOT like writing about times when I am hurt by someone. I try every avenue of doubt. There's unintentional and there is intentional. Unintentional is painful but forgivable. I did not want to know not want to believe and maybe could have should have gone on being blissfully ignorant except that this person took some kind of pious tone in, without my knowledge, trying to cause a rift between me and someone  and trying to effect something that would have caused me a world of hurt......and who is she to do that? My instincts and what I know tells me this person is at best unreliable in giving advice on anything or in making moral aspersions on another. I want more than anything peace. This is a matter close to my heart and this involves real people and others who would have been badly damaged by her and her intentions seem purely malicious. This is not helping anybody. This person acts out of hate and delusion. It is not love. Love does not, I don't care what anyone says, break up friendships or families real love doesn't. It is not an act of unprovoked cruelty to a person who never did anything to you. On shaky ground such as this nothing good can come and anyone with such intentions is nit to be trusted.

http://www.bartleby.com/73/1695.html

A lotlot

Of warmth and support for which I am thankful but sadly this other thing came at me with the force of a jet. And it is ugly. I try so hard to get away from this and I can only say to the self living in jersey city that girl was an innocent or rather.....I am sorry wholly for any hurt I caused. But unlike those I just wrote about, I NEVER hurt anyone intentionally, ever. I can say that much for myself. I wish I could let some people off the hook to their credit they did a lot of good I hope just hope that this.....does not reveal something darker about them as I believed in this person. And I am holding back because I doubt this Person x knows everything. After what happened with Justin and how he betrayed my faith and trust with Leila among others.....not to mention what I went through .....in the past and I can't say I'm proud of all I've done I feel sad and guilty as well. But this.....is the ugly adversary. That which I have no control over.....

Recently

True friends reveal themselves in the darkest times. So do enemies. There is a saying that there is a special place in hell for women who hurt women, particularly going......behind a person's back who has done nothing to you and causing hurt pain in their life for no good reason and you know you judge a person by their own conduct which speaks for itself. That kind of .....what words? It has come to my understanding that there is a woman out there doing this to me. Mind you I have never met her. But.....a tarot reading revealed this to me. She is trying to influence a friend of mine to hurt me and break us apart. Needless to say she kmows nothing about me and I have done nothing to her. So this is.....people who, and believe me I know what I am talking about.....do things to cause pain and loss in the lives of your friends are not friends! Such behaviour is utterly monstrous and indefensible. But heaven help me..........years ago Ted did such things......willfully and intentionally breaking up friendships relationships encouraging backstabbing and betrayal. Nothing good will come of it. "You can rely on the old man's money" thank you D you're fabulous! Thanks for the birthday wishes to those who did I really love you guys!

Been a while

Four days rather. Spent early today watching youtube videos. I'm pretty shaken up and some of it is scary but it's starting to make sense. I merely comment on what I see is all.
A lot that I can't explain but.....
No it doesn't make sense. In your face display of.....
For these little pockets of space I can call my own I am so grateful. Betrayal and back stabbing of the worst kind, by someone I was led to believe although the way along I had my doubts I suppose. I can't accept or believe that people are just stupid I mean of course that would be so flattering to me.....

A year later

And too long. Inwood is lovely but.......so much took place that shouldn't have and I was made to suffer in ways I shouldn't have. Period. But here I am a year later back on Planet Earth and still breathing. Three months ago I removed a 200 or 250 lb tumor from my life up in Riverdale. Live and learn, right? The rain is warm and pretty, like tropical. I got a copy of the French film La Ceremonie very brilliant and stylish but disturbing. I am also really getting into the Lifetime film on Amanda Knox it's just..... .  I don't know......beautifully shot. I am pretty worn out from heavy activity yesterday but it's not over.....took a little break though. I watched a film with my mom last night also French Mozarts Sister this one is WEIRD the Mozart kid is creepy like the Omen kid and the scene with him playing the organ had me screaming nearly. I learned a hard lesson in one year I don't ever.....WON'T ever go through that again. Reunited and no it ain't happening. Al was right. Anyway.....yeah. Thinking of the comment James Woods once made he made a few very crude but hilarious, and true. Can't wait to go to the beach. You know a person by how they act toward you in bad as well as fair weather or any weather for that matter. In the end if you're an asshole to people you end up with no one except the mirror ha I don't envy that.....

More on Elliott Rodger

Go on youtube and see for yourself.....been watching stuff on this for hours. Won't even go into it.....but this song by the Doors "when you're strange.....people are strange when you're a stranger faces look ugly when you're alone....." is on the radio.....at B cup (my bra size) ......this place makes amazing lemonade with fresh mint. After 5 pm toss in some rum you have a summer mojito......
Ah yes it hot me.....yes total revenge of the nerds......remember Carrie's carnage? Boy there is more to this......

Wow!

Completely obsessed with these videos.......Malcolm X, whose autobiography I read and it's amazing, said who controls the media controls the masses and makes the innocent guilty and guilty innocent.....(Jodi Arias, Amanda Knox) but what about before there was media? Back in the days of Joan of Arc or the witch trials of Salem there were no newspapers or TV but there was the ability to stir up mass hysteria to the point where someone was believed to be a witch when they were not and the real witches ......didn't even walk between the floorboards they were out in the open about it but were never put on trial. Partly I suppose because they had brains and perhaps people really feared them. Just speculating..... or even Jesus had a crowd following jim to his execution. I could go on and on with examples of this but this kind of naming and shaming is particularly acute with women. Find yourself in the wrong situation any remote sexual thing you ever did is magnified countless times. Anything as anything. Amanda Knox was carted away in what looked like a cage speaking of medieval.....always have a hard time spelling that. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkQeBfz0DtQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

He is.....

Saw another spider

I was washing rather running water in the bathtub and saw what I thought was dirt but it was a spider maybe the size of my fingerprint, black. Lordie me I don't know what kind. It was struggling to climb up the wet tub I slid a towel its way to help it. Crawling toward me. After not a good two days.....I am feeling red flowing love and blood in me opening up and spilling out also in my heart cloud of cold black hate and god that is not in me.....walking on 13th street I was hearing beautiful but cryptic and haunting music.....like I was dreaming. Kept walking.....out of another bar I heard happy bouncing music thinking this is out of place but then I looked in and it was dark so you could barely see with red lights and then another red and black bar not so much hell but like Hades or the stories of the underworld. I have been reading about trauma and how it splits a person's psyche in pieces and people become multiple personalities not like schizophrenia but more like psychologically a new self is "born".....one splits off and disassociates. I at times felt myself outside myself seeing down .....another "me" somewhere in me took over. I felt physically sick and have been. I am better now. Like something happened to me but that never really happened. My soul psyche splintered into a million pieces. If time is a dimension and there are several parallel universes and somewhere my personal drama is being repeated as is everyone's.....I felt like the devil, or something, was sitting beside me was in me.....cheesy Murray Head song.....but like I am lucid and awake but in a dream state. This without any drugs btw.....after feeling awful and like I was crushed and sliced open by a recent event suddenly seeing the spider omen of luck I somehow escaped death so I am thankful for that.....

Baillando

Dreamt I was preparing to go onstage and dance, then I did, but forgot the music. Steps were right. The song in my head was by Cirrus.

Velvet the book Alec Kalla and MJ Sullivan

I eat this stuff up but I guess that's human nature. Solving them. I read Sir Arthur Conan Doyle earlier this year which gave me insight when watching the show Sherlock.
......this character Hank Easton for all his chauvinism is quite likable...
..I went into a restaurant this morning and the Pixies song "Where is my Mind" was on the radio.....many bone chilling coincidences.....that was used on a freaky episode of Criminal Minds. Sylvia Plath wrote : "a grey wall clawed and bloody/is there no way out of the mind?"

McDs in the UK

the UK is infamous for its food I can remember ordering a veggie Burger with "salad" which turned out to be a piece of lettuce and tomato. I have to say French Mac Donald's and Swiss had amazing "coffee" even in the UK their version of Starbucks was also and I am very sensitive to coffee I rarely drink it. In France and Switzerland they give you a little piece of chocolate with what is like cafe con leche the only good ones I ever had in NYC I got at a Dominican restaurant in Washington Heights where I lived summer of 2000.....having left a guy and starting my new life.....then......John Digweeds LA mix had just come out and was a huge suceess and genius .....anyway this video has some nice 20s ragtime/Dixieland music in the background.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_Fm-LYJ91k&feature=youtube_gdata_player

educational video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WlVDFRYViw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

venus in the am

one better aspect of hauling ass out of be at ungodly early hours.....seeing the venus planet in the sky. in the east.....

Elliot Rodger cont'd

I have to say whatever his story is I just saw a picture of him in the dark it almost gave me a heart attack.....

Elliot Rodger mispelled his name sorry

According to Wikipedia he uploaded the YouTube video at 9:17 pm or in police/military time 2100 hours 17 minutes something like that this other site says they were uploaded 10 hours later than that so.....? confused.