live and learn

she stole, pretty much, my poem and concept, but completely misunderstood. Copied my look. Turned an intelligent work into a cheesy-ass cliched "faux age" thing and interpreted it the same. I was young and really knew nothing. Thought it was a coincidence. ! Learned the hard way. I was NEVER "new age." I am not a believer in karma or heaven and hell, ect. Except I recently told someone to go to hell. I meant hell on earth. I was doing yoga, too. Listening to British techno and into the "rave" look. I was never into hip hop or modern rock; the latter I can't stand.

gamma rays x rays
queen of wands
the universe
life create disperse



it was a poetry class where they critique.....this one guy wrote: "Gamma rays kill on dispersal. Confused. "

oh yes another:

flying so high I may be going to Paris


another guy wrote "straight up to Paris, cut through the crap."

Coyote Fugly has been deemed unclean, literally. Ugh.

Found this I love it.

stuff, ect

Quite a lot is happening and yes there are so many things I want to accomplish; working on getting them all.

Poetry
Slams, readings, ect
dance, dance
I have not been dormant......but rehearsing. A lot of work but I'm feeling very passionate about it. now I have to put together a costume.

greek mythology
goth
Irish folk gothic
"rave"
pole dancing
"chair" dancing


book?
editing, lots of that
yoga
sp s

http://www.speakforanimals.info/vivisection

Vivisection a Fraud? to put it mildly. Probably the biggest ever. Ignorance is not bliss.


very .......waste of resources? the economy being what it is.

"Welfare mothers" right.

I am always in a shit horrid mood in the am and it doesn't help that I was woken by some noisy inconsiderate people. But I'm sort of basically over it.

Just an update, lest you think else, these are the proposed goals:

1) enter poetry contests among other things.
2) learn more pole dancing (I'm serious I'm getting better, after a year. working hard at it. It is absolutely the right decision!)
3) yoga blog
4) music video blog (rate and discuss A+ being the best F- being the worst)
5) perform more dances, better, with more elaborate costumes, more complicated moves, wigs, more make up, better rehearsed. Ideally I'll rehearse to the point where it's automatic. The right shoes. I have all my shit there and it's done so I am not thinking what is my next move or how do I not fall on my head and so on. Lived and learned.....that I'm working on intensely now)
6) read my writing publicly....I've been brushing this off just have to integrate it somehow. I know I'm a good writer (enough people have copied or tried to copy me) but I can't just do that alone.....I need to be trying different things. That is how I am. I am not really a literary person.
7) more comedy and improv
8) Job on a TV station, or film (I was talking to someone very in depth about this yesterday)
9) apt, ground floor, with back yard, so my kitties can freely move in and out.....it's been very much a struggle to care for them in the city otherwise. I don't feel right just leaving them indoors all the time, cats need to get out.
10) personal stuff......? bonding with the right ones, and the undesirable ones who are harmful.....oh they know who they are! ......out of my life. Forever. Don't think I don't see through your BS.
11) savings, a lot, a lot.....for a time there'd been nothing to save. Now that to change.
12) taxes, all that stuff
13) travel more....I love Egypt it's a fabulous place not like it's depicted on the news. South America.
14) Have a more loving homey home. Free to bathe and light incense/candles with non-abusive and non-hypervigilant people.

feeling better

i have opinions on some things better left unsaid......that's hard though it's dying to get out.


I see.....God I wish I had a dollar for every one.....pedophilia everywhere. Coming from some of our "respected" citizens, hell research them a little they're not so respectable!

That explains a lot, doesn't it?

I had a very rough 24 hours, better now. Dust settled getting there.....

more later.....

quite a lot went by.......craziness.

Florida

well I guess Florida's not the best destination right now.....maybe I can feel better. Cause I was very seriously planning to go. I can also feel better these two jerks (who bragged about their trip to everyone not wanting to hear it, thanks for rubbing that in, when I couldn't go ooohhOOOOOOHHHHHHHH) I encountered ARE down there. If they get carried off I just won't cry. I know, I'm mean.

new.....

your face is the rubber gum I
smash and twist into a funhouse mirror
gummy goo gummy
how many people are there?
how many more?
what is invisible that I'm still seeing
what light is it in?
was it really red? how much

but this street is grey
echoes of those lost
screech and squeal in my ears
I'm screaming when I wake up
somewhere, someone is having fun on me
not going back! not going back

Sky Dancer almost forgot!

that edge, you're there
night ending
edge, you're there
night ending

a red car, really is!





red streaks
her in the window
yours give it back
yours give it back

give it back

it's 4:30 AM

how did her face get pale, paler still?

the house is made of wood

and when I wake up for a second it's there
how did her face get pale, paler still?

smoke, ash ash
you marked it well
o green witch! o me
if this is the moon, is it white?
is there nothing, nothing here?
somewhere else there are people in green
are cut with green leaves on their way, to?

if it were me, if it were really me
if it were me, if it were really me

only a mission
for them to tell you
what's on the surface
mass of chalk
what is soft what is dust

auditions

All these people saying they can't audition and if there are any AEA auditions please let them know.


Yeah. Sure. I'll be in touch.
on this audition site these actors are saying they won't attend a certain audition because it's not AEA and they'll be in Florida or they just got cast as so and so in another Shakespeare play. It's nice to know these are the worst of some people's problems isn't it? I guess life isn't fair.....

Sky Dancer and another new version!

that edge, you're there
night ending
edge, you're there
night ending

a red car, really is!
red is Satan, Satan blood


to get out of this! to live,
out of this! to live
claws
red streaks
her in the window
yours give it back
yours give it back
smash! selfish to live here
give it back
selfish to live



apparently this was 12/11/10

it's 4:30 AM
how did her face get pale, paler still
the house is made of wood
but that's in another time
am I doomed to walk at night?
but that's in another time


smoke, ash ash
you marked it well
o green witch! me on Apollo
if this is the moon, is it white?
is there nothing, nothing here?
somewhere else there are rebels
are cut with green leaves on their way, to?


if it were me, if it were really me
nothing to rebel against
leaves won't cut me I'm not there
if I were?

only a mission
for them to tell you
what's on the surface
mass of chalk
there's nothing there, really nothing, nothing there

new version sky dancer

that edge, you're there
night ending
edge, you're there
night ending

a red car, really is red!
Satan here, Satan now



to get out of this! to live,
selfish to live, selfish to live
claws
drops of blood become crooked
can't stop the blood
her in the window
on a roof
what's yours give it back
what's yours give it back
smash! selfish to live here



apparently this was 12/11/10

it's 4:30 AM
didn't know how skin could get so pale
her cheek is bleeding
and it's a house, that and it's made of wood


a cloud of smoke fires out
I am ash
o green witch! Apollo mission
the moon is white? Is there nothing on it?
Nothing her, nothing on it?
somewhere there are rebels
cut with green leaves
am I really here?
what could be it
vicious red! suddenly I am out
there's nothing there, really nothing, nothing there

treadmill and TV

I don't even own a television where I live and never watch it.....except when I'm at my mom's house or at the gym....yes I rejoined thank Goodness. Ugh! Running in the park was feeling like the worst kind of execution sentence don't know how people can ever enjoy that. Plus, I am just not a people person and hate being approached by random "curious" bystanders who want to ask me a bunch of retarded questions like "How many miles do you run?" I mean, how the hell do I know? It's just not my thing and was SO boring......

But now on the machines I can forget I'm running and don't have to look at anyone I can look at the TV.....my thing is music videos and all the crime shows like Law and Order, CSI.....or the A and E channel I'm a sucker for all that grisly stuff. Or....what was the show? Hauntings.

I need to find this news channel specifically but something infuriated me.....a "news" show about alleged "underage girls" being "sold" on Back Page. What stupidity! Pure bullshit. I would like to see the proof. You agree by posting to the Terms and COnditions that you're of legal age. I will research more.


Also, I am serious about starting a Yoga Blog because today I read in the Times, which is an intelligent newspaper, about some woman who was "breaking the rules" or some such by starting a yoga studio that was pure exercise and not a spiritual exercise. Well she's RIGHT! Yoga is a science and is NOT religious but that in itself tells you something. Perhaps there's real power in deep breathing.......so the natural defense is to "brainwash" the population with syrupy pseudo-spiritual sweetness......til they nod out and surrender their power, their strength......and shoot themselves in the head really. Caveat emptor! I can't stress that enough. Mind control damn straight.

I've done yoga for years. I'm not the best at it, I suppose not the worst. It's hard. It can be painful. That and uncrossing and therapy and baths and journaling and art yes that's why I'm hard core about being physically active....oxygen into you cleans you. I cannot not live an active life. I don't know how some people can. I'd just go insane.

sky dancer new version

all that was dark, dark again
and light, the beginnings of
that edge, you're there
night ending
sleep!
a red car, the grey walls of a parking lot
the car is warm outside a frost cuts you still
who am I?
I'm not really here

outside my skin becomes blank white
I'll be eaten alive by this
not myself
to get out of this! to live, continue to live here
what will wake you?
who's coming for you?
it's sunny there, sunny there
roar! claws
drops of blood become crooked lightning
something smoked, then ash
fire and her
her in the window
on a roof
what's yours, yours
Give it back!
they'll stop at nothing
how much would it be?



apparently this was 12/11/10

it's 4:30 AM
my head is being squeezed tight
fill me with smooch
her cheek is bleeding
her tits are raw
a house on her table
is none that I live in
walls are wooden and the past
always the past
smokes right through them
always clouds of grey
something, something, I don't think, don't think about it

this soul is yours and it's hideous


(adding this now)

banish! banish!
a cloud of smoke fires out
and consumes you to ashes
o green witch
I walked again and again on that grey street
white and dirty frozen white again

smokes smokes enough to hide you here

between these walls
saying something
saying something
if these are enough


if this candle is enough
if I survive this
if I'm in hell suddenly am out

suddenly I am out
this is your fault
don't pretend it isn't
vodka ate your words
I listened
you were smoking then ash
skin to put my lips on
hair to choke on
coat of sweat
all I admire
all I remember

no internet or cell for 10 hours

feel like I'm on the moon! I took what precious privacy I got today and yes I relish that! I wrote and wrote must have been 30 pages or more.....on my notebook. A great way to sort out my mangled brain. Got called a freak. But I got so much out and on that page that was in me and worked on my new performance dance piece. Needs a lot of work but coming along. I haven't travelled in ages....LA simply for work. South America, FLorida.

The waning moon is the time for getting rid of stuff. Clearing out junk. A tedious task but one that frees you up when you're all done.

Yoga

I went through absolute hell doing yoga. How do I express it?

not to be nice

that one
down down it came
they didn't ask for torture
vampiress of the stillness
that is this room
they took everything away from me they
took everything everything
on some gravel road
the buildings ashes
you're breathing dust smoke
who will weep for you? no one
that one that lives it is me

Stratford Upon Avon

I have to say I was never that interested in Shakespeare but I do have ancestors whose origins are in this town. WHat if.....

Now I'm really a buzz from the vino

I'd like to say I wrote this but Walt Whitman did: he passed the torch to the residents of Fort Greene

" Through you I drain the pent-up rivers of myself,
In you I wrap a thousand onward years,
On you I graft the grafts of the best-beloved of me and America,
The drops I distil upon you shall grow fierce and athletic girls, new
artists, musicians, and singers,
The babes I beget upon you are to beget babes in their turn,
I shall demand perfect men and women out of my love-spendings,
I shall expect them to interpenetrate with others, as I and you
interpenetrate now,
I shall count on the fruits of the gushing showers of them, as I
count on the fruits of the gushing showers I give now,
I shall look for loving crops from the birth, life, death,
immortality, I plant so lovingly now. "