God this is genius....even if a somewhat 2001 rip off.....you don't have to be "high" to get it all but maybe meditating.....
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Simple Minds - Alive And Kicking
Red hot ..... This band was and is the bestest of the the bestest...... it had been a while since I'd thought of them or listened to them but.....well....hm. One thing led to another to this again.....and well. There's more. A lot.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
dreams
haven't been home in a couple days. slept at a friend's place on the ues...yorktown. this apartment is so quiet and .....man how do I describe it? almost feel like I'm on a submarine when I'm in there. wood beams on the ceiling. He has a photo of a singer named Nick Drake, who had committed suicide some time in the 60s. Swords and knives on the wall. My dad also had a sword on his, in a basement of the place he lived in in Chicago.
I had half a glass of wine and just plopped down. The dreams I was having! My God. First that I was in the Hamptons, at Madonna's make-shift house while she waits for a house. She had this kind of magical swimming pool. It was like two big rooms, in a house. Then her new one. Like white and flat.
Then I was with my mother and sister. My sister was eating a tuna sandwich and my mother was asking her to do something she kept refusing. Someone said the Bush Administration made you this way. I started eating the tuna even though I hate that stuff, and all fish. Then I went out to get Indian food. I had a boyfriend in the dream.....(?) and was trying to communicate something....quirreling.....some kind of room with a cot in it. It just went on like that.....
Friday, June 10, 2011
audition and pix
the pictures came out great and so is the color! I was one of the last to audition, and did a monologue of the fool in king lear. these other actresses auditioning were great and all in all it was quite inspiring
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Saturday, June 04, 2011
My Cat Sleeps Like A Human!
OK for some lighter material.....watching a film about evolution led me to cat eating with fork (that is history catstory right there) to this......!
Friday, June 03, 2011
pre nup
I read that [name withheld, female] is making a pre nup with [name withheld, male].....with a cheating clause in it. He is protesting that. Kind of makes you think.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
All work and no play...(german version)
Wow I actually found this on YouTube. There was also an Italian and French version, maybe Spanish? Was du heute kannst besorgen, das verschiebe nicht auf morgen. Translates into English, what you can do today don't leave for tomorrow. Stop procrastinating. This was associated with St. Expedite as well as the European, what do I say, conquest to convert everyone to Christianity before they are killed. This must have had more resonance with European audiences than American Indian references like you see in the American. I studied a little German. Interesting how viewing this in another language makes it seem like a different film. Shelley Duvall's awesome in this.
dark moon and 13 13 13 13
that explains it . today I was in a horrific mood and it's about a billion degrees out. This is the opposite of the wintertime. Walking around in an oven outside looking for this stupid gym. I had to go back and check my map. it's 4th ave between 12th and 13th and address is 113. Do the math. 13 13 13 13. That number has huge significance in my life; if ever there was an explanation this is it! There's that Pussycat Dolls song "When I Grow Up (I wanna be famous)" and the line "be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it....." kind of chilling in a pop song. I KNOW it's not the first time that expression was used. But now I understand the meaning. You want something (or someone) SO badly then you get them....I wanted summer and now I have a roasting grill. It's really crazy out there.
Man I LOVE this
That explains me too.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Encounter last night
I was leaving a coffee shop around 27th street last night when this guy kind of waved at me on the street. I went up to him and asked if I knew him......we started talking. He was from Turkey, kind of older. Turns out, he wanted to do my hair! I do need that....especially now that summer's coming (thank God). I've had enough of the cloudy weather.....
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Ugh!
http://http//vitalvotes.com/blogs/public_blog/How-Low-Will-They-Go--Pfizer-Sued-For-Using-Children-as-Guinea-Pigs-17509.aspx
these drug and pharmaceutical companies that make themselves out to be holier than thou to the American public, who fought Obama's health care plan, we being the only industrialized nation in the world without one, well their true identities are finally leaking through.....oh but wait a minute. Guess people knew that already! all that PR couldn't save them. Still, I am so appalled at what people do, though anyone who harms innocents this way is not human. They must be the lowest life forms that have ever existed. Anyway, enough of the preaching.
these drug and pharmaceutical companies that make themselves out to be holier than thou to the American public, who fought Obama's health care plan, we being the only industrialized nation in the world without one, well their true identities are finally leaking through.....oh but wait a minute. Guess people knew that already! all that PR couldn't save them. Still, I am so appalled at what people do, though anyone who harms innocents this way is not human. They must be the lowest life forms that have ever existed. Anyway, enough of the preaching.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
year and a half ago
Summer what was it? 2009? Up and down quite a lot. At best it was creative, bright, brilliant, inspired and spirited in the most profound way. At worst, it was horrible. Up and down. Hearing the song Hotel California brought it back once just before taking that place in Bushwick I was running through the park. It started raining like mad. I thought I'd get electrocuted, seriously. And someone had that song on their radio. I don't believe in the devil as good or bad or who knows.....? Dancing in my room to that song. I danced a lot. It made me famous. It also made me the target of a lot of envy. That's just realistically how it was.
But no matter. I got a call saying a guy I was seeing was making out with another girl then I go to a wild party, end up in a hotel, partly devastated from the news I got, partly partying. A hotel on Essex St. ironically just around the corner from where he lived . The next day I saw Bhudda and the Virgin Mary then Michael Jackson died. You will become well known, was the message I got....
But no matter. I got a call saying a guy I was seeing was making out with another girl then I go to a wild party, end up in a hotel, partly devastated from the news I got, partly partying. A hotel on Essex St. ironically just around the corner from where he lived . The next day I saw Bhudda and the Virgin Mary then Michael Jackson died. You will become well known, was the message I got....
Friday, May 27, 2011
Rock Opera
For the Fringe Fest I figure what the hell.....even though singing is not my forte. It's called Winner Take All....bizarre I was just listening to that song.
Mac Beth Auditions!!!!
I am so psyched about this.....in Brooklyn no less. It's been a while, excepting one that I went to recently, since I've really auditioned for a play or anything. A chance to do something really.....perfect my Shakespeare. I have in mind for monologues the Fool, Iago, La Pucelle.....or something from the play?
night, monsoon, tiles on the bathroom floor
Something about that night, a year and a half ago, maybe two years. Ay where does the time go? It was raining so hard it was like literally buckets coming down. The streets flooded, impossible to go anywhere without getting soaked.....
I somehow with my umbrella navigated my way toward the train station. I was on the phone with a friend....a certain controversy we were discussing. Thing is.....well situation not so black and white. More like a cancer where you have the natural body and the invasion integrated. But....the event I went to was, how do I describe it? Really awesome. Unfortunate that there is this ugly stuff going on. But anyway, I remember that night as something really out of this world and exceptionally beautiful. I was drinking a lot of red wine til I was pretty blurred. I just remember looking down at the tiles on the bathroom floor, black and white. This old fashioned bathtub. My roommates asleep so I had to be quiet. The rain outside. It was pitch black also. It was me up at whatever hour it was, everyone else sleeping. And on the phone talking. So there was great stuff and awful as well. I remember the better looking back.
I somehow with my umbrella navigated my way toward the train station. I was on the phone with a friend....a certain controversy we were discussing. Thing is.....well situation not so black and white. More like a cancer where you have the natural body and the invasion integrated. But....the event I went to was, how do I describe it? Really awesome. Unfortunate that there is this ugly stuff going on. But anyway, I remember that night as something really out of this world and exceptionally beautiful. I was drinking a lot of red wine til I was pretty blurred. I just remember looking down at the tiles on the bathroom floor, black and white. This old fashioned bathtub. My roommates asleep so I had to be quiet. The rain outside. It was pitch black also. It was me up at whatever hour it was, everyone else sleeping. And on the phone talking. So there was great stuff and awful as well. I remember the better looking back.
read tarot
I usually lay out the cards, then write down what came up, because sometimes it's not clear til you look at it more than once. Like reading a book, the first time you don't get everything, sometimes you have to read it over and over.
Anyway, there is a combination of good and bad. Things seem worse than they are. People aren't out to get me, except for one woman who is jealous and who is blocking my personal progress (chariot reversed). (Queen cups reversed, seven of swords reversed, wheel of fortune reversed). The same thing comes up over and over. This is a woman who is emotionally unbalanced and a scene maker. It's in the position of environment/friends so I gather it is another person in question. Things were fucked up but I interpreted them as worse than they were. The need (four of cups) to take personal time to get it together, wait for things to settle. Situations overblown, quarrels and strife (five of wands, five of swords in another reading, plus five of coins).....cards said my environment is good (except for QCups R) and people like me.....good; or at least are sympathetic to my side.
Because this was a week where many things did not go right. First, my travel plans didn't work out. Secondly, a visit from someone went disastrously. I felt sad, defeated, and frustrated. I can see now it was a mixture of minor problems that accumulated til the threshold broke; things got out of control. And there is a woman causing most of it. A drama queen.....
Anyway, there is a combination of good and bad. Things seem worse than they are. People aren't out to get me, except for one woman who is jealous and who is blocking my personal progress (chariot reversed). (Queen cups reversed, seven of swords reversed, wheel of fortune reversed). The same thing comes up over and over. This is a woman who is emotionally unbalanced and a scene maker. It's in the position of environment/friends so I gather it is another person in question. Things were fucked up but I interpreted them as worse than they were. The need (four of cups) to take personal time to get it together, wait for things to settle. Situations overblown, quarrels and strife (five of wands, five of swords in another reading, plus five of coins).....cards said my environment is good (except for QCups R) and people like me.....good; or at least are sympathetic to my side.
Because this was a week where many things did not go right. First, my travel plans didn't work out. Secondly, a visit from someone went disastrously. I felt sad, defeated, and frustrated. I can see now it was a mixture of minor problems that accumulated til the threshold broke; things got out of control. And there is a woman causing most of it. A drama queen.....
removed
That wasn't meant to be published. it's how I felt at the time. I don't hate person in question. I am very upset and distraught at how things have happened. It just wasn't right. Any of it.
Monday, May 23, 2011
she said
"Recycling other people's music is not very inspiring." In a magazine somewhere. I should cut that quote out and paste it to a demo of the song she copied, with the footage of her doing it. And send it to her.
Friday, May 20, 2011
gentrification and life in nyc
http://community.nytimes.com/comments/www.nytimes.com/2011/05/22/nyregion/the-last-jam-session-at-106-rivington.html
to say Manhattan isn't what it used to be doesn't begin to go there. The kind of people in ....the lower east side and east village now.....quite frankly, the scene is evil. That is my opinion. These are the people I came to the city to get away from. They are over-privileged,annoying, ignorant and stupid. And have seemingly an endless flow of cash to blow to the four winds. They have no culture, to put it mildly. Simone de Beauvoir wrote about an atmosphere of ennui or boredom in Hollywood and places like it and it's here too. I don't like being in Tribeca, my mom's neighborhood. It was once an area of art galleries, there was a huge mural I walked past thousands of times which is now a billboard. The people inhabiting Tribeca now are these Jersey/Long Island trash Republican idiots. Hate is not a nice word. But New York is not New York. They are not good people. They are not people I want in my life in any way. That is my opinion of them.I suppose that comes across as very harsh to some people. But every day I walk past them, their smug looks their barbaric ....what do I say? They're like retarded children set loose in a diamond shop. They are intolerant themselves. They are ignorant. They are not up to any good, most of them. Oh, believe me I can tell you stories. They are awful individuals. OK. That's what I think of them.
BUT that's what happens when you get a Republican mayor who harasses club and bar owners to the point where you can't even dance in a bar. Who closes down ....sends the police to terrorize kids having parties (the early 00s I lived through that). Raises the rents to absurd levels. Tells the police to arrest homeless people for being homeless. Pretty much. The city is safer and cleaner than it was. Not all was fabulous back in the days. But there is no culture. There is very little inspiration in the daily crowd-----these people they're like sorority/fraternity people. I have to say I do not like sororities or fraternities. Even growing up I had to deal with people who because they were born into money knowing they had this croaker's green to fall back on they thought they were entitled to any damn thing they wanted, and that I somehow owed them something. They resented me for being pretty, original and talented. Excuse me, I didn't know that was an offense. But others offended me by their relentless flaunting of their pretty much stolen, fraudulently gotten wealth when I was barely remaining alive. Guess what, many of those people are now in jail. Good riddance man, of the riff raff. But there must be far, far more.
to say Manhattan isn't what it used to be doesn't begin to go there. The kind of people in ....the lower east side and east village now.....quite frankly, the scene is evil. That is my opinion. These are the people I came to the city to get away from. They are over-privileged,annoying, ignorant and stupid. And have seemingly an endless flow of cash to blow to the four winds. They have no culture, to put it mildly. Simone de Beauvoir wrote about an atmosphere of ennui or boredom in Hollywood and places like it and it's here too. I don't like being in Tribeca, my mom's neighborhood. It was once an area of art galleries, there was a huge mural I walked past thousands of times which is now a billboard. The people inhabiting Tribeca now are these Jersey/Long Island trash Republican idiots. Hate is not a nice word. But New York is not New York. They are not good people. They are not people I want in my life in any way. That is my opinion of them.I suppose that comes across as very harsh to some people. But every day I walk past them, their smug looks their barbaric ....what do I say? They're like retarded children set loose in a diamond shop. They are intolerant themselves. They are ignorant. They are not up to any good, most of them. Oh, believe me I can tell you stories. They are awful individuals. OK. That's what I think of them.
BUT that's what happens when you get a Republican mayor who harasses club and bar owners to the point where you can't even dance in a bar. Who closes down ....sends the police to terrorize kids having parties (the early 00s I lived through that). Raises the rents to absurd levels. Tells the police to arrest homeless people for being homeless. Pretty much. The city is safer and cleaner than it was. Not all was fabulous back in the days. But there is no culture. There is very little inspiration in the daily crowd-----these people they're like sorority/fraternity people. I have to say I do not like sororities or fraternities. Even growing up I had to deal with people who because they were born into money knowing they had this croaker's green to fall back on they thought they were entitled to any damn thing they wanted, and that I somehow owed them something. They resented me for being pretty, original and talented. Excuse me, I didn't know that was an offense. But others offended me by their relentless flaunting of their pretty much stolen, fraudulently gotten wealth when I was barely remaining alive. Guess what, many of those people are now in jail. Good riddance man, of the riff raff. But there must be far, far more.
sounds like a country song.....
I gave you so many chances
and you just took me for granted
now I'm off to see new lands
I carry the weight of the world
I'll have it no more
and you just took me for granted
now I'm off to see new lands
I carry the weight of the world
I'll have it no more
Current Events
Freaky; in light of recent Royal Weddings, I randomly found this work by Christina Rossetti, one of my favorite poets.
COUSIN KATE
by: Christina Rossetti (1830-1894)
WAS a cottage maiden
- Hardened by sun and air,
- Contented with my cottage mates,
- Not mindful I was fair.
- Why did a great lord find me out,
- And praise my flaxen hair?
- Why did a great lord find me out
- To fill my heart with care?
- He lured me to his palace home--
- Woe's me for joy thereof--
- To lead a shameless shameful life,
- His plaything and his love.
- He wore me like a silken knot,
- He changed me like a glove;
- So now I moan, an unclean thing,
- Who might have been a dove.
- O Lady Kate, my cousin Kate,
- You grew more fair than I:
- He saw you at your father's gate,
- Chose you, and cast me by.
- He watched your steps along the lane,
- Your work among the rye;
- He lifted you from mean estate
- To sit with him on high.
- Because you were so good and pure
- He bound you with his ring:
- The neighbours call you good and pure,
- Call me an outcast thing.
- Even so I sit and howl in dust,
- You sit in gold and sing:
- Now which of us has tenderer heart?
- You had the stronger wing.
- O cousin Kate, my love was true,
- Your love was writ in sand:
- If he had fooled not me but you,
- If you stood where I stand,
- He'd not have won me with his love
- Nor bought me with his land;
- I would have spit into his face
- And not have taken his hand.
- Yet I've a gift you have not got,
- And seem not like to get:
- For all your clothes and wedding-ring
- I've little doubt you fret.
- My fair-haired son, my shame, my pride,
- Cling closer, closer yet:
- Your father would give lands for one
- To wear his coronet.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
now you're getting it
I am not going to mince words. I'm just telling it like it is. Whoever deliberately sent viruses to the computers at a CUNY school, for chrissakes, during midterms, is a scum of the earth who deserves to have his or her fingers pulled out slowly and well I'll leave it there. And more. Who would do such a malicious thing to college students who need computers to finish their papers? A bunch of the computers are infected. More than half.
Monday, May 16, 2011
latest ect
OK well I'm .....of all the crazy stuff i dealt with before. Dancing, calves sore, very.
Oops! Guess "people" are reading this of whom I write. I'm over my hysteria. I swear I'm working on it. Peace. Love. D
I have been in exile but not sleeping for the most part....I started dance training again really intensely. I decided, because I just didn't want to run through the park, maybe I'd have a moment of .....internal .....what do they say? Getting in the zone or something like that. I decided to run around the room I know it sounds weird but I figured I'd start out slow and get my metabolism going because I would always feel sick before running through the park....
So I went up and down the stairs at my school. It was so exhausting; I was huffing and puffing and what words can describe? So the next day my calves were sore in ways I've never experienced in my life. I could barely walk for two days. Just now I'm getting back to normal. Going up and down subway stairs....walking.....I almost couldn't. I had to hoist myself down stairs. Super hot showers helped. I could only walk with my legs apart. Ow, I would say with practically every step. And today I had to take the train all over the place.
There is so much more and oh what craziness? A wretched headache. I did however find an unlimited metrocard. Blesses! TY
Oops! Guess "people" are reading this of whom I write. I'm over my hysteria. I swear I'm working on it. Peace. Love. D
I have been in exile but not sleeping for the most part....I started dance training again really intensely. I decided, because I just didn't want to run through the park, maybe I'd have a moment of .....internal .....what do they say? Getting in the zone or something like that. I decided to run around the room I know it sounds weird but I figured I'd start out slow and get my metabolism going because I would always feel sick before running through the park....
So I went up and down the stairs at my school. It was so exhausting; I was huffing and puffing and what words can describe? So the next day my calves were sore in ways I've never experienced in my life. I could barely walk for two days. Just now I'm getting back to normal. Going up and down subway stairs....walking.....I almost couldn't. I had to hoist myself down stairs. Super hot showers helped. I could only walk with my legs apart. Ow, I would say with practically every step. And today I had to take the train all over the place.
There is so much more and oh what craziness? A wretched headache. I did however find an unlimited metrocard. Blesses! TY
Sunday, May 15, 2011
my morning starts with no caffeine, having been stuck on the f train for four hours the am before. Rain. No others. No money. No food. I got soda and two bananas for breakfast. Last night got fucked up. The first OPOOOOOOOOOOOOONHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
fucking email I get is this really snotty one from my sister asking for her shirt and dress. It's always nice when someone contacts you just to snap at you and accuse you. It is hard for me to get this STUPID dress that she NEVER wears what do people just want to fight for no reason? Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because it's mixed in with other stuff at friend's house in brooklyn then I'll be pressured to get other stuff that I CANT get so what? OK???"?????????????????????????????????????????
Then J after I've been trying to reach him for four days and not getting any response just pops in on me to tell me he's here and a) I'm not prepared and b) he's "staying with Don" which is BS. There's that It involved if he insists on having insane people in his life (I'm not going to say her name) it's NOT my problem. I've suffered for no reason for years because of this fucking insane evil bitch and I'm DONE. I KNOW she's involved. SICK of this.
NOW. Start the morning over without bitchiness or ...........................?
I had been stuck off the F train last am when I was supposed to take the R which was supposed to be the N ..........................? Took a shower and did my make up so I could look hot for all the people on the F train out in.....what place was this? It was ................how do I even describe this? 39th street off the F it was like some weird I don't know what. The design looked like something out of that movie "Crops" or some kind of B horror film . Out the window I could see the what looked like brothels (these guys standing outside some kind of bar) and the neighborhood hookers waiting outside.........they must have had more fun than me.
It's one of those.
And my period is starting.
Thanks for giving me J but I need the other things and yes it is getting to me. I'm SICK of this. SICK of her. SICK of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SICK of this
My apartment and living situation is not solved. So sue me, OK? What the hell do you want me to do?
fucking email I get is this really snotty one from my sister asking for her shirt and dress. It's always nice when someone contacts you just to snap at you and accuse you. It is hard for me to get this STUPID dress that she NEVER wears what do people just want to fight for no reason? Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because it's mixed in with other stuff at friend's house in brooklyn then I'll be pressured to get other stuff that I CANT get so what? OK???"?????????????????????????????????????????
Then J after I've been trying to reach him for four days and not getting any response just pops in on me to tell me he's here and a) I'm not prepared and b) he's "staying with Don" which is BS. There's that It involved if he insists on having insane people in his life (I'm not going to say her name) it's NOT my problem. I've suffered for no reason for years because of this fucking insane evil bitch and I'm DONE. I KNOW she's involved. SICK of this.
NOW. Start the morning over without bitchiness or ...........................?
I had been stuck off the F train last am when I was supposed to take the R which was supposed to be the N ..........................? Took a shower and did my make up so I could look hot for all the people on the F train out in.....what place was this? It was ................how do I even describe this? 39th street off the F it was like some weird I don't know what. The design looked like something out of that movie "Crops" or some kind of B horror film . Out the window I could see the what looked like brothels (these guys standing outside some kind of bar) and the neighborhood hookers waiting outside.........they must have had more fun than me.
It's one of those.
And my period is starting.
Thanks for giving me J but I need the other things and yes it is getting to me. I'm SICK of this. SICK of her. SICK of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SICK of this
My apartment and living situation is not solved. So sue me, OK? What the hell do you want me to do?
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Borat - Cambridge University
Cambridge students 'work as prostitutes'
"We don't indulge ...." whatever the holier-than-thou American said. Oh really? They don't bring them in, they are them?
It's the ones that protest too much that you have to look out for.
The computer I'm at is "research priority" and watching Borat is research!
Friday, May 13, 2011
stuff, creative
yes with great talent c0mes responsibility. what a burden! If I sucked, it'd be easy; I could just be a ....fill in the blank.
So I have this.....a dance involving rose petals but I know that's messy. I can see it now bits of petals everywhere. so the alternative? ????? There must be something. or a video of me dancing in a field or at le trap w/roses
So I have this.....a dance involving rose petals but I know that's messy. I can see it now bits of petals everywhere. so the alternative? ????? There must be something. or a video of me dancing in a field or at le trap w/roses
runner's block
I wrote about procrastination mainly running that I .....feel like dying before it. It really is joyless I cannot for the life of me understand how someone can enjoy it. I just can't wrap my brain around it. But you know we're all different. I wish I had more mania in me.................
So if you ask me "Where are you going?"
Two answers. Depending on who you are.
The first place is rather mundane and you probably won't regret asking me or hearing the answer.
The second one is pretty exciting and you probably shouldn't ask me cause I don't think you want to know the answer.
I wrote about this but it's not something I'm going to post for "everyone." For those who know my other site, I'll put it there.
So if you ask me "Where are you going?"
Two answers. Depending on who you are.
The first place is rather mundane and you probably won't regret asking me or hearing the answer.
The second one is pretty exciting and you probably shouldn't ask me cause I don't think you want to know the answer.
I wrote about this but it's not something I'm going to post for "everyone." For those who know my other site, I'll put it there.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
about to run through the park and I am going to commit suicide
I can't do anything without running first but it's too crowded and I hate people. I just do. I need to go back to my videos and crime shows. I hate this. This blows the roof off the world trade center. I hate people. I hate running through Central Park.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
dont' really "hate" anyone well
I was very whiny before. I don't know what happened......but I got it all out of me. Really I don't "hate" women or men. Not that I'm not pissed off. Or I was. I'm not now.
Why.....every time I'm about to run through Central Park it feels like a death and torture sentence. I've written this before. I don't understand for the life of me how anyone can enjoy it. That's why I flipped yesterday. I am NOT a people person ......
I have to watch TV and videos. Going up and down hills and dealing with tourists and then these guys hitting on me. Ugh. I don't know.
Why.....every time I'm about to run through Central Park it feels like a death and torture sentence. I've written this before. I don't understand for the life of me how anyone can enjoy it. That's why I flipped yesterday. I am NOT a people person ......
I have to watch TV and videos. Going up and down hills and dealing with tourists and then these guys hitting on me. Ugh. I don't know.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
why is it
I hate the women who did this to me more than the men? From the women it's so evil no....it's like you'd never thought evil like that could exist. Why ....that must be why I'm not a feelingless person......love is in my heart but I made the terrible mistake of extending it to some ......how do I even begin to say how wrong they were? How undeserving. The fourteen years, no.....twenty, thirty, so many, too many, my God.....how could it be? Those years I had the misfortune of having them come into my life could have, should have been spent creating something beneficial to humanity. But people's pettiness, stupidity and envy..........what awful people. Awful people.
My own generation. But more than that. The badness is severe. It's nearly irreparable.
People did try to warn me.
After what you did to me, am I supposed to pity you? I don't remember getting any sympathy from you when I was kicked to the ground. You were among them doing it. You spit on me. Oh, did you forget?
My own generation. But more than that. The badness is severe. It's nearly irreparable.
People did try to warn me.
After what you did to me, am I supposed to pity you? I don't remember getting any sympathy from you when I was kicked to the ground. You were among them doing it. You spit on me. Oh, did you forget?
also
I must be under attack. I have my suspicions. One is.....she knows who she is. She's not the only one but I do suspect her. She is a madwoman and well that's all there is to it. What choice do I have? Except.....
I also dreamt that I was a journalist interviewing Neo Nazis and riding my bike through East Harlem. A lot of empty parking lots.
I also dreamt that I was a journalist interviewing Neo Nazis and riding my bike through East Harlem. A lot of empty parking lots.
melt down
I ran through the park and lost it. It wasn't pretty. I was pissed at J pissed at my mom pissed at everyone who didn't give a shit that I was suffering it's not THEIR problem....then this girl and a nice lady expressed concern.....I was screaming. I hated everyone. But this nice older woman tried to help and what could I do? I just felt like, after all this time you didn't care that I am DYING NOW suddenly you do? What do I do? JC said keep the drama on the page. But I wasn't feeling social I just wanted space to myself and couldn't get it J with his comments and other men with their shit I won't go into that here. I am pissed at men, pissed at women for different reasons. And all I wanted was ...I didn't WANT to run. I MUST get back into NYSC and have my videos and crime shows and I had been watching Lady Gaga and having to run through the park and deal with people and I'm NOT a people person so SUE me ok? I was acting abominably like my family and hating people. I don't really hate people. But I have had to deal with some really bad stuff. There has been good which I'm grateful but there was bad as well. And people like the ones I dealt with who .....had this entitled attitude with me, like I owe them something. This is AFTER I gave them money! Nothing will be enough for them. Like what? What the fuck do they expect? I mean YOU YOU know who you are! Sifat? Isabelle? Ed? was that his name? Other Ed? This other guy I know he's pissed at me but it's not my fault! I lost it very badly. I was hurt by others I've seen people do really evil stuff to other people. I don't want to be fucked over the same way. But what do I do? I had to fight back. Only for so long can I contain hysteria. She said keep it on the page. I am trying. I did write it out. That was so hard. But a release. Still, I'm moving not writing.
Friday, May 06, 2011
Utah Saints Something Good '08 : Download OUT NOW!!
Maybe there is no "perfect" but this has the right combination of I don't know.......Wales!
Thursday, May 05, 2011
casual encounters
.....you have to have a sense of humor about this .....some of these ads crack me up. The Bronx ones mainly: here're a few:
Date: 2011-05-05, 10:52AM EDT
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
I am 20 years old, Light brown skin black female, funny, down-to-earth, outgoing, smart, and I would love to meet someone new.
I'm 5'4,thick 215-220, mixed ethnicity, brown eyes,very attractive.
So anyone Want to do this…
Date: 2011-05-05, 10:45AM EDT
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
6FOR6
4ONE9
NINEEEEEEEFOR23
cum f**k my ass hole... - w4m - 20 (new york)
Date: 2011-05-05, 10:52AM EDT
Reply to:
I am 20 years old, Light brown skin black female, funny, down-to-earth, outgoing, smart, and I would love to meet someone new.
I'm 5'4,thick 215-220, mixed ethnicity, brown eyes,very attractive.
So anyone Want to do this…
- Location: new york
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 |  |
DREAM GIRL - w4m - 26 (NORTH EAST BX)
Date: 2011-05-05, 10:45AM EDT
Reply to:
6FOR6
4ONE9
NINEEEEEEEFOR23
- Location: NORTH EAST BX
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 | Men seem to love behinds, not sure why |
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Sunday, May 01, 2011
must have
slept countless hours. There had been.....I dreamt of my dad, again, and us picking up dry cleaning. It was in his old building. I had gone across the street to do it and he later told me I could have done that in the building we were in. There were, in this place, racks of worn out clothes. I was going back to school....high school? Bizarre. Have this a lot.
Waking, I had a horrible taste in my mouth. I couldn't really eat all morning.
I read, ok this isn't the most reliable source, that one actress, who is not old, wants to get a total facelift that will leave her in pain for more than a month and cut up her face, cut fat off her legs....ugh! I mean, if this is true, that is TOTAL insanity! She's going to make herself into a freak--I've seen too much of that --for what reason?
I heard of chicks getting Botox at 22, something like that. And plastic surgery. I'm now in my thirties.....eeh, hate thinkng of age( but look at me I'm great. You know? I'm healthy. I run and do yoga. Beauty flowers! Yeah it's important people try to down play it.
Waking, I had a horrible taste in my mouth. I couldn't really eat all morning.
I read, ok this isn't the most reliable source, that one actress, who is not old, wants to get a total facelift that will leave her in pain for more than a month and cut up her face, cut fat off her legs....ugh! I mean, if this is true, that is TOTAL insanity! She's going to make herself into a freak--I've seen too much of that --for what reason?
I heard of chicks getting Botox at 22, something like that. And plastic surgery. I'm now in my thirties.....eeh, hate thinkng of age( but look at me I'm great. You know? I'm healthy. I run and do yoga. Beauty flowers! Yeah it's important people try to down play it.
Monday, April 25, 2011
parts
back to auditioning, getting new pictures a real pain in the ass, but now I really know what I'm doing in ways I didn't before. All will take a good deal of exertion and results won't be overnight, or maybe they will!
I can't wait for the Men In Black shoot. Of course I'm aiming to rise up......in at least one way.
I can't wait for the Men In Black shoot. Of course I'm aiming to rise up......in at least one way.
never know where life will take you.....
some people in, others out. maybe there's a pun in there.
then out, then in.
gets pretty dizzying.
Who knows what is.....but I'm following my instincts.
then out, then in.
gets pretty dizzying.
Who knows what is.....but I'm following my instincts.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
why
look in the mirror, and you will see the exact cause of why this happened. This is YOUR doing. If you hadn't been such and asshole, I wouldn't have been tempted to stray.....
dreams
I had the weirdest dream today....we were in the music room, one of the rooms. someone came up to us, a guy, and you beat him up
Thursday, April 21, 2011
On Calamus
I'm researching various herbs and this is one. There is a great deal of information on the net, and me not being a botanist or biologist, it's not for me to explain that way. But I have found out that this drug was "tested" on animals in a laboratory; fed to them. In rats, it caused tumors. Thus it was banned from U.S. markets as a medicine.
Calamus has been used for thousands of years around the world as medicine (for human beings). Its main use is as a sedative.
From the site Drugs.com this is written:
So results from an animal model were criteria for banning a drug that has been used successfully as medicine for thousands of years. Bottom line, animal and human biology is not the same, we do not react to chemicals the same way dogs or rats or any animal does. This proves my point, not just mine but that of many other animal activists, that animal testing is FRAUD and must be banned. Animal testers belong in jail. NOWHERE ELSE. They are sick individuals who know what they are doing, know that the evidence they provide to the public and FDA is completely unreliable and useless, not to mention they willingly hurt innocent beings, knowing it serves no practical purpose whatever.
http://www.animalliberationfront.com/Philosophy/Animal%20Testing/Vivisection/vivisectionfaqs.htm
http://www.afma-curedisease.org/
http://www.peh-med.com/content/4/1/2
The fact that I'm posting this link will make me a target for the FBI as a "terrorist" because these people have been monitored for years. But, name calling does not erase the facts. A crime is a crime, regardless of a person's job or status in society. There are many, the stories are endless, corrupt judges, police officers, professors, governors, ect. ect. well you get the idea.
There are many sites which explain the uses of calamus in treating many illnesses here's but one:
http://www.herbcraft.org/calamus.html
Calamus has been used for thousands of years around the world as medicine (for human beings). Its main use is as a sedative.
From the site Drugs.com this is written:
Calamus Adverse Reactions
Little or no adverse reactions data is available, as all calamus products have been removed from the US market because of toxicity.
In other words, according to this article, there is little evidence of toxicity as human medicine. It has been removed from the market due to its injection in unwilling participants in a scientific study: rats. This was enough proof that it's dangerous. But in fact, it is not toxic; it is beneficial. On this same site it is written:
History
The fragrant underground portion (the rhizome) has been used medicinally since biblical times. Popular European books on medicinal plants touted calamus as a “wonder drug.” It was commonly used in folk medicine as a nervine, most likely linked to the tranquilizing effect of cis-isoasarone (the major component of the oil). 3 It has been used in traditional medicine for the treatment of digestive disorders and childhood colic. Infusions of the rhizome have been suggested for the treatment of fever, and chewing the rhizome has been said to relieve irritated throats and to remove the odor of tobacco.
The ground rhizome is used as a spice and commercial flavoring in drinks, cosmetics, and toothpastes. However, because of an association with isoasarone and the development of tumors in animals, the use of calamus and its extracts is prohibited in the US.So results from an animal model were criteria for banning a drug that has been used successfully as medicine for thousands of years. Bottom line, animal and human biology is not the same, we do not react to chemicals the same way dogs or rats or any animal does. This proves my point, not just mine but that of many other animal activists, that animal testing is FRAUD and must be banned. Animal testers belong in jail. NOWHERE ELSE. They are sick individuals who know what they are doing, know that the evidence they provide to the public and FDA is completely unreliable and useless, not to mention they willingly hurt innocent beings, knowing it serves no practical purpose whatever.
http://www.animalliberationfront.com/Philosophy/Animal%20Testing/Vivisection/vivisectionfaqs.htm
http://www.afma-curedisease.org/
http://www.peh-med.com/content/4/1/2
The fact that I'm posting this link will make me a target for the FBI as a "terrorist" because these people have been monitored for years. But, name calling does not erase the facts. A crime is a crime, regardless of a person's job or status in society. There are many, the stories are endless, corrupt judges, police officers, professors, governors, ect. ect. well you get the idea.
There are many sites which explain the uses of calamus in treating many illnesses here's but one:
http://www.herbcraft.org/calamus.html
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I love procrastinating.....after intense creativity
is fascinated by tabloid gossip. the relationship between kate hudson and matthew bellamy liz taylor richard burton sean penn/robin wright/scarlett johansen who's divorcing/cheating/marrying/expecting......makes me feel less a cow if I am knocked up. face it, people want to watch others (rich people) suffer that's why they read this.
I bum around like this after a performance I am doing new material which squeezes me dry. but I am again getting fabulous responses! Vuelve Vuelve/LSD 25.........
and yoga. that's rough. keeping focus.
after a long night's work at the club I catch up, as per ritual, on the latest current events and literature: that means the National Enquirer at Duane Reade. Seriously I love reading this. It's not all alien spaceships they report on murders and people who are literally real life vampires. That's not made up. And.....all this stuff about Michael Douglas............Elizabeth Taylor..........
I feel for Michael Douglas and what he's going through. And anyone with cancer, of course. my family has had its share.
also.....a stream of young women being killed and no one knows why ............just last night I was having a good one at Penny's Open Mike which went very well. Did my new stuff, good response. Turned on the news this morning, yahoo headlines, and read that another woman was stabbed by her boyfriend. That and the Russian woman and her mom. And that girl ......Coit? forgot her first name. One woman ended up in a dumpster outside club Space in Miami, where I went. The reality hooker star Brooke Phillips was found dead and burned somewhere. It goes on and on. A day at the morgue, what would that be like? Brooke Phillips was made out to have a pretty nice life but I guess it wasn't so much. Again, no explanation.
I did read that most murder victims are males, killed by other males.
I bum around like this after a performance I am doing new material which squeezes me dry. but I am again getting fabulous responses! Vuelve Vuelve/LSD 25.........
and yoga. that's rough. keeping focus.
after a long night's work at the club I catch up, as per ritual, on the latest current events and literature: that means the National Enquirer at Duane Reade. Seriously I love reading this. It's not all alien spaceships they report on murders and people who are literally real life vampires. That's not made up. And.....all this stuff about Michael Douglas............Elizabeth Taylor..........
I feel for Michael Douglas and what he's going through. And anyone with cancer, of course. my family has had its share.
also.....a stream of young women being killed and no one knows why ............just last night I was having a good one at Penny's Open Mike which went very well. Did my new stuff, good response. Turned on the news this morning, yahoo headlines, and read that another woman was stabbed by her boyfriend. That and the Russian woman and her mom. And that girl ......Coit? forgot her first name. One woman ended up in a dumpster outside club Space in Miami, where I went. The reality hooker star Brooke Phillips was found dead and burned somewhere. It goes on and on. A day at the morgue, what would that be like? Brooke Phillips was made out to have a pretty nice life but I guess it wasn't so much. Again, no explanation.
I did read that most murder victims are males, killed by other males.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
under attack?
I may have been. I went through hell last month. I'm feeling some of the aftershocks. Last month was horrible. With the tsunami in Japan and all the shit in Congress by the shitheads there......ugh! I met someone who knows that banal Boehner and who said he is certifiably psychopathic. He NEVER should have been allowed to get this job! That and my personal problems. A nasty row I had with someone. And other stuff. I won't deny I get jealous and vindictive. Others get that way with me. I'm not pretending to be a saint, you know.
I have to, had to wash this off me. Slowly. The tarot cards even said a new clarity would come.
I have to, had to wash this off me. Slowly. The tarot cards even said a new clarity would come.
today
for some reason I was in a horrific mood, that combined with just wanting to sleep. Maybe one instigates the other. I was pissed off. I'm better now. I bought a 2 liter bottle of mountain dew and chocolate cookies and I'm a little better. I don't know what came over me.
I ran for an hour, but got back and just wanted to sleep. I was feeling very antisocial.
My usual routine that I'm supposed to keep up with, I have to catch up on.
On a better note, I'm thinking of what I want to do for summer thank god it's almost here. Enough of that crap February March weather! I ran into a guy on the bus yesterday whom I had worked with on the set. He is a producer, writer of pop songs. This woman was with him who said she's his manager. We had a nice conversation and possibly he can help me make pop songs.......
I want to audition for summer stock. That'd be a way ....well, I've never done it before. (!) why the heck not. Tennessee Williams......I've always wanted to be in Suddenly Last Summer. It's been an eternity since I've done plays.
I ran for an hour, but got back and just wanted to sleep. I was feeling very antisocial.
My usual routine that I'm supposed to keep up with, I have to catch up on.
On a better note, I'm thinking of what I want to do for summer thank god it's almost here. Enough of that crap February March weather! I ran into a guy on the bus yesterday whom I had worked with on the set. He is a producer, writer of pop songs. This woman was with him who said she's his manager. We had a nice conversation and possibly he can help me make pop songs.......
I want to audition for summer stock. That'd be a way ....well, I've never done it before. (!) why the heck not. Tennessee Williams......I've always wanted to be in Suddenly Last Summer. It's been an eternity since I've done plays.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Vuelve Vuelve Debut
I want to use this term (google to find meaning; it's Spanish for "return return" could be a lost lover or lost or stolen or lost, anything, really). Part Christian/Peruvian native mysticism. Associated with the Catholic Saint Anthony, who finds things.
Here's the poem I wrote and performed: I'm combining dance with spoken word. Eventually music and singing.
Amulet in red
red I bled
how did her face get pale, paler still?
And it's white, just like the moon
Swept away, off my feet
the groom, the bloom
red dust, let it rain down on us
Nice? I worked hard on this, the writing and dancing. Now, with great talent comes responsibility: on to performing this elsewhere and publishing. For dinero: which I need. The more the merrier the lovelier.
Thank you, in the deepest way, to those who complimented me and encouraged. It means everyhthing! If you thought it was shit, that's ok too. I'm happy I finally put this together and got it out there: because THAT is the hardest part. Perspiration and tears and then some!
Blesses kisses!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here's the poem I wrote and performed: I'm combining dance with spoken word. Eventually music and singing.
Amulet in red
red I bled
how did her face get pale, paler still?
And it's white, just like the moon
Swept away, off my feet
the groom, the bloom
red dust, let it rain down on us
Nice? I worked hard on this, the writing and dancing. Now, with great talent comes responsibility: on to performing this elsewhere and publishing. For dinero: which I need. The more the merrier the lovelier.
Thank you, in the deepest way, to those who complimented me and encouraged. It means everyhthing! If you thought it was shit, that's ok too. I'm happy I finally put this together and got it out there: because THAT is the hardest part. Perspiration and tears and then some!
Blesses kisses!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sarah Coit
This is someone who had everything going for her....except street smarts I guess.
maybe because they're not. That's the biggest misperception among men---that women are attracted to assholes. That is simply not true. I repeat, that is NOT true.Get it? Or invertedly, men are attracted to bitches? anyway, I fail to see what she saw in him. personally I would run as far as I could......but maybe he put on a good act. you know? it's not something she anticipated probably I would imagine. Maybe she had self esteem issues, maybe not. Sad thing is, the city is so full of chaos, you hear loud screams all the time, and 98 percent of the time it's a false alarm or people messing around. Then the other 2 percent occurs, and people don't pay attention because they assume it isn't anything. The neighbors called 911, but it was too late. New Yorkers, contrary to what you hear, do care...at least many of them.....about someone else's need or suffering if it's extreme. People have stepped in for me in distressful times and I'm very grateful for that.
I would imagine. but in this day and age that ANYONE would tolerate, or be allowed to tolerate,
abuse like that, not know any better.....is the real travesty. there are SO many social services and social workers, whom she probably had much access to, who would have said you do not have to take this from anybody, no one has a right to abuse you. especially someone with the opportunities, advantages and resources she had; she had access to any number of psychiatrists, social workers, psychologists, school counselors, ect, who would have absolutely told her that. But.......obviously that didn't register. Or she wasn't told that or not enough. True, she could have witnessed this in her parents' relationship (that tells you something)......and tragically there are women around the world who just don't know any other way. But you wouldn't think in upper middle class, educated East Coast America girls wouldn't be educated against or about domestic violence? OR.......very believable and more likely........ he was stalking her and she couldn't get rid of him. Very likely; because sometimes the law does not completely protect the victims. true, she could have had anyone, but chose this pof? the bigger picture....that she was set up to tolerate this when she shouldn't have been. OR .....is there any record of her calling the police or any 800 number for stalking or domestic violence victims, or her getting an order of protection (if she was strangled she had ample proof)...........you know??????? A lot of open ends. Tragically, she wasn't saved when she could have been.
"jisnotused 2 comments collapsed Collapse Expand
maybe because they're not. That's the biggest misperception among men---that women are attracted to assholes. That is simply not true. I repeat, that is NOT true.Get it? Or invertedly, men are attracted to bitches? anyway, I fail to see what she saw in him. personally I would run as far as I could......but maybe he put on a good act. you know? it's not something she anticipated probably I would imagine. Maybe she had self esteem issues, maybe not. Sad thing is, the city is so full of chaos, you hear loud screams all the time, and 98 percent of the time it's a false alarm or people messing around. Then the other 2 percent occurs, and people don't pay attention because they assume it isn't anything. The neighbors called 911, but it was too late. New Yorkers, contrary to what you hear, do care...at least many of them.....about someone else's need or suffering if it's extreme. People have stepped in for me in distressful times and I'm very grateful for that.
I would imagine. but in this day and age that ANYONE would tolerate, or be allowed to tolerate,
abuse like that, not know any better.....is the real travesty. there are SO many social services and social workers, whom she probably had much access to, who would have said you do not have to take this from anybody, no one has a right to abuse you. especially someone with the opportunities, advantages and resources she had; she had access to any number of psychiatrists, social workers, psychologists, school counselors, ect, who would have absolutely told her that. But.......obviously that didn't register. Or she wasn't told that or not enough. True, she could have witnessed this in her parents' relationship (that tells you something)......and tragically there are women around the world who just don't know any other way. But you wouldn't think in upper middle class, educated East Coast America girls wouldn't be educated against or about domestic violence? OR.......very believable and more likely........ he was stalking her and she couldn't get rid of him. Very likely; because sometimes the law does not completely protect the victims. true, she could have had anyone, but chose this pof? the bigger picture....that she was set up to tolerate this when she shouldn't have been. OR .....is there any record of her calling the police or any 800 number for stalking or domestic violence victims, or her getting an order of protection (if she was strangled she had ample proof)...........you know??????? A lot of open ends. Tragically, she wasn't saved when she could have been.
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
murdered hookers
Hm. in light of what's happening in Long Island (seems to be a haven for mass murderers) and reality star Brooke Phillips being murdered....and too many others to mention.
These are really hate crimes against women. I would say we're not in an equal society when this is happening.
I think I saw the episode with her. Seemed to have a pretty charmed life (flying to LA to get her hair done; though I'm inclined to disbelieve that) but I guess not.
These are really hate crimes against women. I would say we're not in an equal society when this is happening.
I think I saw the episode with her. Seemed to have a pretty charmed life (flying to LA to get her hair done; though I'm inclined to disbelieve that) but I guess not.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
on another note
I had decided I miss acting. I kind of drifted away from it but it wasn't my intention. So I started looking for work and was hired as an extra......yeah low status but I got paid to show up, and that's about it. I was even able to work in between. The people on the set were all very cool......and I met other people all of whom had tips on getting more work and agencies.......ah so many things. Probably 85 percent of a job is getting the job. Classes workshops agents ect ect so I got on the computer on 2 hours sleep and sent my picture to anywhere and everywhere just about. SAG roles non SAG (getting in the union another goal) and yes I was happy to be working NOT on some shit job I take just to pay the bills but something I believe in. Don't let anyone tell you you can't get a job you enjoy: they're full of it. Of course I aspire to move up on the heirarchy, but getting paid to hang out and meeting the people I did well I do miss it. Others inspired me. Best and better.
Then I was up til like 7am (after finishing at around 3am on the set......they had fed us til they ran out of money.) Then we stood out in the crap weather for what must have been a couple hours while they filmed a scene from every angle......so I left very exhausted but started working on a dance/performance piece I'm creating. Did my exercises, dance. Stretched. Meditated. It worked wonders. I solved a wretched problem today. Not entirely but mostly. Kudos ect. (!)
Then I was up til like 7am (after finishing at around 3am on the set......they had fed us til they ran out of money.) Then we stood out in the crap weather for what must have been a couple hours while they filmed a scene from every angle......so I left very exhausted but started working on a dance/performance piece I'm creating. Did my exercises, dance. Stretched. Meditated. It worked wonders. I solved a wretched problem today. Not entirely but mostly. Kudos ect. (!)
night at work
made money, for which I'm grateful because I need it. I had some company that was turning out not good. this person grabbed my hand and was trying to give me orders. NOBODY grabs me. I'm not his servant. I like this club. I believe in it. But you don't go into a place like this feeling entitled or like the women there are obligated to serve you. You go to have fun.....but occasionally there's a retard you know. A part of me feels compassion for people like him. He alienated people with his approach. He wasn't bad looking. What can I do? I was praying, please get him away from me. Divine intervention happened.....he found someone to give him attention then I was able to make my exit without a bad scene. Thank you!
Saturday, April 02, 2011
dreams
had a dream about something a woman between east 1st and york stalking.....? or some kind of unwanted contact. two women.
the tarot cards have been very disturbing lately. betrayal, death, disaster and love. jealousy.
the tarot cards have been very disturbing lately. betrayal, death, disaster and love. jealousy.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
speaking of
I got the inspiration from my online tarot reading.
"The middle card represents a deciding element of the present. Queen of Swords, when reversed: Consuming fire; the flames of the martyrdom of Joan of Arc, Phaedra's misguided passion, Medea's jealousy, Lady Macbeth's ambition. Fire, if left to burn unchecked, can consume the soul."
Pretty good for online advice. There is a crazy woman in the foreground, or background, but who is it? I keep getting this card and page of swords reversed. Spying.
"The middle card represents a deciding element of the present. Queen of Swords, when reversed: Consuming fire; the flames of the martyrdom of Joan of Arc, Phaedra's misguided passion, Medea's jealousy, Lady Macbeth's ambition. Fire, if left to burn unchecked, can consume the soul."
Pretty good for online advice. There is a crazy woman in the foreground, or background, but who is it? I keep getting this card and page of swords reversed. Spying.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
in cafe pick me up
and I'm picked up. was at penny's open mic I'm missing some seeing some. gas lights in this place. got on this online tarot site queen of swords, reversed. I get that all the time, and page of swords.
A jealous
vindictive woman
someone's in or out for the kill
blood time
that explains a lot
A jealous
vindictive woman
someone's in or out for the kill
blood time
that explains a lot
Sunday, March 27, 2011
fourteen years and 10 near death experiences later
so sue me. fuck me. show me. screw me. help me. mercy. mercy. screw me. mercy. mercy. sue me. your sacrificial lamb. your light. the light is on me. on me. on me. on me. thank you. thank you.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Ended up in Kings Highway, Bklyn
one of these weird things, not expected. work-related. This is a charming area, with many Orthodox Jewish and Eastern European immigrants. Very colorful. I ended up in a newspaper stand with Polish and Russian newspapers, local teens buying soda and skateboarding.....two lesbians who got on the train with me. They were very intriguing to me........all these kids are diverse and have character a far cry from the homogeneous private school kids on the UES where I am every day. All these kids brought me back to my high school days.
Then I tried to sleep but was woken by a crazy neighbor, a lady who went ballistic and started banging on the walls, the police were called.....and I did not sleep well. THAT is not good. I mean, I'm a human being with sympathy for others, but who the hell is she to disturb people like that at 4AM? We're entitled to our rest, we work hard and pay for these places.
Still kind of have the blues over a falling out with someone. What can I say? If person ever reads this. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I didn't mean the nasty things I said. You're not any of these things; you're fabulous, you're the most important person to me barring a handful of others. I love you. It was a knee jerk reaction to what you said which was hurtful and made me feel like I was being used. Please forgive me. Understand that there is a line that can't be crossed. That's all.
Then I tried to sleep but was woken by a crazy neighbor, a lady who went ballistic and started banging on the walls, the police were called.....and I did not sleep well. THAT is not good. I mean, I'm a human being with sympathy for others, but who the hell is she to disturb people like that at 4AM? We're entitled to our rest, we work hard and pay for these places.
Still kind of have the blues over a falling out with someone. What can I say? If person ever reads this. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I didn't mean the nasty things I said. You're not any of these things; you're fabulous, you're the most important person to me barring a handful of others. I love you. It was a knee jerk reaction to what you said which was hurtful and made me feel like I was being used. Please forgive me. Understand that there is a line that can't be crossed. That's all.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
sad
I was nasty to someone terrified I lost them. I didn't mean what I said. I know there must be hope.And it seems.....to that person.....that I hate you and think you're horrible but I don't it's the opposite. I love you guys. It's so powerful and from the heart. I think you're the greatest thing. I expect better. I love you. I love you. There must be a chance.
Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Dancing
There are always times when I say if I could go back in time somewhere it'd be to NYC in the seventies. There's good and bad in everything but I relate to .....well just how it was. Do I wish.....
Monday, March 21, 2011
Excerpt from Leslie Van Houten Documentary, 1991
There are so many radical right wing extremists ranting, real hate stuff, on these video sites. Well, I am someone who identifies with and feels with those who are the outcasts of society. Not some scumbucket who abuses their kid to death, or tortures kittens or that kind of thing....they deserve whatever they get. But it's likely these women didn't commit the crimes they were convicted of. Even so, they did do their time and were rehabilitated. I can't overstate the importance of doing your research and not taking at face value what popular books and the newspapers say. They did not drink the blood of their victims, that nonsense that was printed in the tabloids.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
while I'm at it
thinking how pissed off I am at men....OK there I said it--well at other women for different reasons......God it would take a book like the Second Sex.
Videos I would give an F- to:
anything by Taylor Swift, Linkin Park, 30 Seconds to Mars.....more to come
I can't stand to watch these videos for more than three seconds. So it's hard to review them.....
there was another one......I expected the Miley Cyrus ones to be at that level but they weren't completely there. Vanessa Hudgens.
I can't stand to watch these videos for more than three seconds. So it's hard to review them.....
there was another one......I expected the Miley Cyrus ones to be at that level but they weren't completely there. Vanessa Hudgens.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
some writings at cafe pick me up
Sitting here . spent money for good purposes. Brazilian Samba or Rhumba ....very soothing. I can't stand what this neighborhood's become; I don't like being here. Not only cause of stories I've heard but the crowd.....either like the Hamptons or the Kardashians who are the most vapid, stupid and purposeless individuals who ever lived. I'm not kidding these are awful people, in every sense of the word, who've come here. I don't go to Veselka any more because it's like loud middle American types who leave a mess for other people to clean up. They trashed my mother's building and left a hole in the elevator floor, and the doors wide open for anyone to come in.
The music all ambient (is that the word?)
It's raining. Just a few minutes ago about five fire trucks showed up with flashing lights. That' s another common occurrence.
I did see some adorable black and white cats at a local store.
The music all ambient (is that the word?)
It's raining. Just a few minutes ago about five fire trucks showed up with flashing lights. That' s another common occurrence.
I did see some adorable black and white cats at a local store.
today full moon
the Supermoon, meaning it's the closest to the Earth since 1993. ? Don't know if that means anything.....except water levels will be very high.
dreamt
you know when you feel don't exactly remember:
A wooden house. A restaurant. Yeah I dreamt this before and it has separate rooms full of mannequins.
A wooden house. A restaurant. Yeah I dreamt this before and it has separate rooms full of mannequins.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Brooklyn Bounce - "Crazy" (Paragod Video Remix)
Shit that was the wrong version. This is the one I'm talking about, sans storyline. This is different and .....well....what words? Awesome! .....still reminds me of where I used to live.I'm thinking there must have been scads of work just in the editing.....TV footage with dancing with graphics.....that and expensive. I'm not sure what they're trying to say....except making a mini movie? It's not really commercial........or standard. Anyway, I give it A.
OK I did some research; this is Wikipedia so it's up for questionable. But one of the producers is Matthias Menck who's been on the scene for a very long time. OK they contradict me and say this WAS commercial. In America this isn't what's popular I don't think, not like it is in Europe. Whatever. Anyway, the other is Dennis Bohn and I don't know who/what Paragod is.....oh, OK DJ Analyzer, also from Hamburg. The combination of the three, plus the people who made the video.....the director is Romain Gavras, from France. The son of Costa-Gravas.....I don't think I've seen his films. Ok, this video is changed from the last and re-mixed....who did that is unclear. The music and graphics are in synch.....very cool. Well done. I like this one better.
Anyway, back to my projects which are : creating a new dance piece, getting back into film and maybe voiceover, editing/publishing my poems. Will return soon.
OK I did some research; this is Wikipedia so it's up for questionable. But one of the producers is Matthias Menck who's been on the scene for a very long time. OK they contradict me and say this WAS commercial. In America this isn't what's popular I don't think, not like it is in Europe. Whatever. Anyway, the other is Dennis Bohn and I don't know who/what Paragod is.....oh, OK DJ Analyzer, also from Hamburg. The combination of the three, plus the people who made the video.....the director is Romain Gavras, from France. The son of Costa-Gravas.....I don't think I've seen his films. Ok, this video is changed from the last and re-mixed....who did that is unclear. The music and graphics are in synch.....very cool. Well done. I like this one better.
Anyway, back to my projects which are : creating a new dance piece, getting back into film and maybe voiceover, editing/publishing my poems. Will return soon.
Brooklyn Bounce - Crazy
This is an awesome and brilliant video and I want to learn more on this group. Much of the footage looks like my neighborhood in brooklyn, where I used to live. There was a murder across the street, in this warehouse. It was later turned into a rave house. They need to get rid of that narrator.......makes it cheesy and it's a distraction.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
been up 24 hours
that's not necessarily my wish but such is my schedule. I didn't get a chance to zzzz but will later today. I had a bad incident with a bus driver my metrocard I didn't know expired. Most drivers will let you on the bus anyhow. This one didn't. What a trash bag. That enraged me. What kind of person does that to another: kicks them when they're down. Enough to definitely raise my heart rate. He's like, get change from somebody. From whom?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I suppose, yes, this picture is a rip off (like "Madge"'s--well, all of her stuff)--but it is an amazing contrast, though. Bette Davis was beautiful when she was younger--I wonder why she started looking kind of freaky later on like her eyes popping out. I should watch this film.....had started to read the book.
I actually got carded in a bar
maybe the guy thought I was a cop or maybe he really thought I was under 21. wow. D
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
written in cafe pick me up a couple days ago
This music is giving me chills and making my hair raise on my back, my spine. It is other-worldly. They sound like not human beings. This brings me back to ballet lessons my mother took, in Evanston. Why am I remembering this? And pink ballet slippers. The little bathroom of just a toilet and like closet doors, in the studio.
The Motor Inn....the rug of their hallway looks like the one in my Tarot card The Magician, in the Elves pack.
This music is giving me deja vu. Like this song that played last night at work....don't know the name though. Hardly understand what they were singing. It think the woman's voice is super-reverbed.
The Motor Inn....the rug of their hallway looks like the one in my Tarot card The Magician, in the Elves pack.
This music is giving me deja vu. Like this song that played last night at work....don't know the name though. Hardly understand what they were singing. It think the woman's voice is super-reverbed.
Why Did You Adopt Me and .....A M
OK after dealing with a lot of emotional tumult I needed some mental clarity, of some kind. Industry Lawsuit and Why Did You Adopt Me . Read her article. I have this recurring vision of, well, imagine.I guess dumb joke but whatever.
Monday, March 07, 2011
L A Style - I m Raving
Bizarre rave demons! back when I first struck out on my own as a kid in Brooklyn, Park Slope (before it became stroller serene, these were the barrio days) I listened to this tape! Man it's genius. A+ buzz!
Friday, March 04, 2011
feeling better
thanks to the ..... spirit stars air better.
Feel a little guilty. I did have a psychotic episode. It's over. Sort of.
I don't know how I manage NOT to get arrested. have to laugh. Maybe I scare the police.
Feel a little guilty. I did have a psychotic episode. It's over. Sort of.
I don't know how I manage NOT to get arrested. have to laugh. Maybe I scare the police.
other things
I wrote extensively on something but have taken it down. It's a negative ugly topic and better left for another time. But just because it's not said out loud doesn't mean it isn't true. Maybe it needs to be said,another time.
incidents this morning
What makes people feel like they are owed something or like they have a right to someone else's life? Or like I'm obligated to let them in my life?......I mean, if you go looking for trouble you're going to find it. Then stuff happens to them, and they don't understand why. Not always, but sometimes when people are attacked they have gone out of their way to put themselves in a position. And then, what? Am I supposed to feel sorry for them? Is anyone? Some people have it coming to them. Or maybe they are looking for it. Then what? Don't underestimate people. Don't think you deserve what you don't, any more than anyone else.
Thursday, March 03, 2011
red dust reprint from last year (?)
oh dust the dust of lust
lust of dust
that which is us
oh love, love of lust
that which is dust
let it rain down on us
down on us
let it rain down
blow, blow at us
lust that is us
red dust
all that is ours
let if rain down on us
oh love, lust
that which is red
bright red
seeping red
red and bled
red dust
let it rain down on us
rain down
down
let it rain down on us
lust of dust
that which is us
oh love, love of lust
that which is dust
let it rain down on us
down on us
let it rain down
blow, blow at us
lust that is us
red dust
all that is ours
let if rain down on us
oh love, lust
that which is red
bright red
seeping red
red and bled
red dust
let it rain down on us
rain down
down
let it rain down on us
such as health insurance
I am really pissed off that I have to deal with this crap. it's ok, I have nothing better to do. in America we don't have universal health care,in every other industrialized country they do. Life isn't fair, I guess. Blame the fucking assholes in the House and else where. Some people have an endless craving for power, power to abuse people. All the little people as elementary schoolyard bullies now have grown up (lucky us) to become (OK I wont say it). Pieces of shit. So now, I have to do this stupid menial drudge work just so I can get a flu shot. Stupid, right? Then, the doctor I see won't take the insurance I'll be getting. Maybe I can get disability.
but now
I feel terrible. Almost like crying. I was convinced the opposite was true. I raged screamed punched and slammed. So many other examples of .......the fucked up things I've seen (blank oh I won't say it, or state the obvious) do.
sweet
I asked the tarot (online) if someone is doing something behind my back. Anyway I got this :
not luck the good spirits look out for me thank you!
not luck the good spirits look out for me thank you!
| The Three Fates spread is an exceptionally popular way to gain insight into the emerging arc of the past, present, and future. The Renaissance Tarot is a modern deck, with symbolism drawn from the heroic age and rendered in renaissance style. This deck is an excellent choice for exploring questions of passion, mastery, and the inner workings of human reason. If you would like your own copy of the Renaissance Tarot, you can buy it now! | |
 | The left card represents an important element of the past. Eight of Coins (Prudence): Frankness, honesty and innocence. Candid confrontation of circumstances. |
 | The middle card represents a deciding element of the present. Five of Staves (Strife), when reversed: A cautious step ahead without the aid of others. |
 | The right card represents a critical element of the future. Two of Cups (Love): The flower of first love, of love at first sight. The bond between two people, invisible but formidable. |
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
revision of earlier writings
a gold scarf around my neck
and it's a house, mine
waiting for a response
a clue
on a side road
you in that pink room but what else was there?
you, me and her
I hold one up, then another
one, then another
I'm seventeen and it's black in here
tiles are black
I see myself
there's so much, so much to see
and it's a house, mine
waiting for a response
a clue
on a side road
you in that pink room but what else was there?
you, me and her
I hold one up, then another
one, then another
I'm seventeen and it's black in here
tiles are black
I see myself
there's so much, so much to see
thoughts on "Platoon"
When I was about nineteen, living in Chicago, I became sort of obsessed with this film. It had a sexiness underneath the surface, almost like there is in Christianity, and in Jesus. Sexy and poignant. I admit, I won't deny part of it was seeing these guys with their shirts off. What is the word, beefcake? I didn't say all, but part of it. The part where Willem Dafoe blows smoke through the gun into Charlie Sheen's face, well you know that is symbolic. I guess the world loves martyrs. The Jesus story is very similar to that of Apollo, of so many others. Jesus is the Greek name, the "Savior" was not called that, the name means son of Zeus. Jesus was Jeshua, I think. Apollo was known for healing the sick and raising the dead. Point being, there's something in the sexiness of men, which you seldom hear about, and cleansing, love, rebirth. And pain. And healing. Becoming something new.
coming soon, negative reviews
I've shown what I like and will get to what I don't. Keep in mind, yes, these are just my opinions. If others disagree, no matter. I don't hold it against people. Such is the beauty of the world, its diversity.
But the bad reviews I'll have fun. It's time to go for the kill, the burn. Let it rip. Vent.....the time is coming!
But the bad reviews I'll have fun. It's time to go for the kill, the burn. Let it rip. Vent.....the time is coming!
more on Bravery
they integrated dance music/techno/disco.....with their music. But in this time that was popular and common in Brooklyn; I know because I was there. Many styles merged into a hybrid, you could say.
thoughts on hard rock, modern American
that stuff bores the shit out of me. I tried, tried giving it a chance, and to me it all sounds the same.....like listening to a vacuum cleaner. Bands like Soundgarden, Nickelback, 30 Seconds to Mars......so many.....just can't get into it. The same happened to me with hard core punk. Even though I believe in the movement and philosophy, I was just bored, listening to many of the bands. It's not my thing. The Bravery were voted worst band by Spin Magazine, or most hated, something like that. If Spin were my criteria for my self esteem, I would have been crushed, pulverized. But since I don't give a fuck what they think, it doesn't affect me except as humorous. Of course they would hate people who actually have talent. The Bravery is NOT like Duran Duran or whatever bands they're compared to. They started out as a garage band. Duran Duran did consider themselves punk at the beginning. So spare your snobbery. And both bands are from completely different times and places, on opposite sides of the ocean. New York is not London or Liverpool. The early 2000s are not the early 1980s. They are not the same.
OK think about it there are WAY many similarities in hair, make up, the zig zags on the face, and so on. Lady Gaga did something similar. Still, I love the look of the Pussycat Dolls girl. Wish I'd thought of that. I want to do a complete transformation, of course without copying another person. Not, ahem, the way some others have. The difference between inspiration and stealing? Sometimes hard to define but VERY IMPORTANT. Plagiarism is not OK!
Still, I want to change my hair and face and just blow apart, into a new star ME. Thinking.....
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