fear initiation?

"i know the bottom, i know it with my great tap root," Sylvia Plath    a sign at the Pit said "follow the fear" I listened to a radio show speaking of initiation.......a quote from the Bible they mentioned was "tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem" from Luke....something like "endued with spirit" ....this is so fascinating......I have been briefly in Jerusalem.....I hardly felt endued with anything though I did see the Western Wall. It was a harrowing experience and I was interrogated annoyingly for hours by guards getting across the border and on a plane. I was never so fucking happy to get on a plane OUT if anywhere in my life! And I went through some horrible stuff after I returned......but......well I lived first of all. In no eway, naive and inexperienced though I was, did I deserve what happened. But a calling? something life changing like the cards said......got the archangel Gabriel that I know little about. Where am I going with this? I had a dream the bathtub overflowed and I flooded the apartment and last night I dreamt of an actress and cookoing........jotting down to make sense of later.......