Friends who've disappeared

At my former job a woman had warned me to stay away from cults emphasizing (to me) "you are very susceptible." Probably true. Fortunately people stepped in when ..... these people tried to recruit me. A former boyfriend had joined, ok I won't say "cult" but, well, they wanted me to part with my life savings to give to them saying that my life would improve and my money increase tenfold, something like that, after I join them and have a "breakthrough." This was.....the Landmark Forum. I don't want to cast aspersions, but my ex boyfriend joined them and......disappeared. I have no idea where he is. Not on Facebook, Twitter, I tried emailing him and can't get in touch. My friend Aeysha in Evanston, another mystery. oh boy. This is getting cryptic. I may just be unaware maybe they changed their names I don't know. But ?

Hamptons and back.....

Had a nice weekend out there with family and friends.....I saw spiders on one of the porches and was watching them. I think it was a family of them. I looked up spiders on the Web pardon the pun and found an article describing the different......breeds genus something, plus an article on how spiders fuck. Or mating rituals.....that plus two novels ..... Now I'm back in the city and to my life  the people here so......and they're great you know, so it is how it is.....that didn't come out right apologies my concentration is not at its best now......point being I had a very nice time and am grateful, was very much to be surrounded by woods and hear crickets at night.

Jim Morrison poster

Maybe it's in my mind but a picture of him I saw it's like he was staring right at me. Then I read a post about someone having psychic dreams about JM. Why would he want to talk to me? I was never that into the Doors. I had a dream about him years ago. The whole Laurel Canyon scene it was before my time.....

Prom Night

my aunt took me to see this when she herself was a teenager and I was.....five? not sure.....severed head on the dance floor and all......this was in Michigan which is creepy enough at night. Her friends were driving us through a tunnel and she commented probably someone was murdered there.....my generation I guess we were exposed to, well, everything.....even without internet. One day at camp, summer camp, I was about seven, and these two boys, junior high-aged.....approached me while I was waiting for my ride home. They asked me if I wanted to go "fuck" --I'd heard that term knew it was obscene and a "bad word" but.....? the meaning.....I won't go into what else they said. Pretty terrifying, actually.....at age eleven my friend Cherish and I were, at separate times, harassed by a Mexican (not a jab against Mexicans) El train ticket agent. He asked me, "Do you want to meet me for coffee when you're sixteen?" We were both afraid of "him" he has a pencil-thin mustache and I only.....I hope no one ever got in his grasp......well, you know, this is how it was.

Drawing St. Anthony

On the train to Rockaway the other night, crowded as fuck, amazing on a Saturday night more people are going from Manhattan to Brooklyn, than vice versa. Bridge and Tunnel takes on a new meaning! ha......anyway, a man was wearing an "I can't breathe!" T shirt. I had been listening to the Clash song "Murder is a crime/unless it was done/by a policeman/or an aristocrat" .....I had downloaded that song and was listening to it; that and a song by Public Enemy "Letter to the NY Post" over and over again the day of this incident. I was standing in line at the post office with my mom to apply for a passport. John Kennedy and JFK Jr and Princess Diana were all (the last two likely anyway) killed, and came from a blue-bloodline. Ugh.....I haven't really followed this incident but can't ignore it; knowing (I smoke from time to time, yeah, not healthy, but also shitty as fuck for the state to tax cigarettes so high and make these stupid laws busting deli owners for selling out of state cigarettes thus leading to the new "black market" Eric Garner was part of. All it is is some poor sucker needing a cigarette not wanting to pay $14 and someone making money on the books or not this is NYC and I found out that there is plenty of......well this system I mean this is my opinion is just stupid.
People are horrible and I have been around them. On either side of the equation they we are all human but it's just the same petty meanness. A guy selling 75 cent cigarettes is put in a chokehold when the American people have been robbed and our economy is in the toilet and people can't afford cigarettes or subway fare or food or rent not to mention our privacy invaded and make no mistake this was all ILLEGAL. To their credit the cops helped me when I was attacked and saved me and I'm thankful for that and having seen cops walk past me and a young rookie kid cross him self.....another interview with a young kid officer who started crying...... no I don't think they deserve or that anyone really deserves to get shot at least 98 % don't.....I mean I feel for that. The problem is......sigh.  The bigger picture is the wrongness of human beings and lack of integrity and the men I've been involved with not all but a lot (yes some women too) horrible misconduct on their part I wasn't going to write about this but it's the way it is. They took advantage of me and the situation and their behavior can't be excused. Nor am I the only one they did this to. I don't know all the details I don't know what goes on, you know, when I'm not there because I am not there. I only know what I read. But invasion of privacy is a crime; spying on people in their homes without their knowledge given they are not criminals or terrorists but merely because you don't like them personally or .....what have you......is not backed up by any law. This has happened, does happen. I wish I didn't have to write about this.....it's a gruesome thing but like people have said something in me attracts attention and I don't try to.

Jersey Shore and music videos

been a while ......ooh lordie dear where does the time go? I've been through a lot in the past few months heaven and hell with God's grace I survived. BUT now I just want to move on. Yes I am grateful and now take nothing for granted, how can I? I've seen the best and worst of humanity the worst, I am happy to say, are no longer part of my life. If nothing else, I'm a fighter. Not by choice. I was bullied in school and yes there are those who've had it worse, Heaven help them, but I've had, like I said, great people and terrible people both.....I read somewhere that people come into your life at times because you let them in. I can't deny to a degree I did. Sometimes your unconscious processes things much faster than your conscious mind and when you're vulnerable you're not thinking clearly. That's why sleep is important! It is.
I have been all over the place lately it seems and .....this is the first time I've been able to sit comfortably all day. 

My friend was very sweet to invite me to the Jersey Shore I have a ton of photos but uploading them will be slow......the place I was at is surely haunted at least so I've read and it does feel that way. It is quite beautiful though. Gorgeous (still have trouble spelling that!) Art Deco architecture and.....huge bathrooms. I preferred to use the one in the side hall cause the main one was kind of gross. Oh yes! Darlene Love was there filming her video and I got some footage.....honestly it was then and there I found out who she is (from the Crystals "Da Doo Ron Ron" ect) the car  she was in.....the first thing I said was, "This looks like Christine! It's Christine!" someone said it actually belongs to someone who drives it and I said, "But wait, the license plate says 'Love' .....is that real?" Then I went to Bushwick, BK la (I say that as I still haven't found a place) and there was a girl from Denmark who had stayed at another house owned by the same person, and she answered that they kicked her out because she didn't shower enough. I said, "Oh, I took a shower before coming here " they started laughing  .....people have said I take everything literally. She had been making a joke.....anyway Darlene Love and her band sounded amazing it really is totally different live......like I said I will post photos later it's going to take some time. 

I have actually written quite a bit on some darker subjects but not ready to post this yet......I will eventually.

We've met the enemy, and he'(she)s our friend"

Expression from the sixties.....Or so I'd read. The actual activists that is, from that time.....who did not.....just sit around and drop acid but were well aware of what was happening and.....well, organizers. Give them that

"Thou.shalt not lie" "thou shalt not kill" are in the Bible but .....they don't say "it's ok to tell a white lie but not a major one" "it's ok to kill someone who is a cunt but not anyone else" or "you can kill a fly or a bird but not a person" but don't lie, dont kill. Recently I was washing my face and it said "antibacterial" "kills germs" tonight if I followed this.could I not use this stuff because it kills what do I do is there something that will chase bacteria or germs away without killing them or  not wash my face or hope it just flies off? Recently someone tried to kill me. Or threatened to. Either he has always been this way (in that case good riddance) or something got to him. Brainwashing? All kidding aside, if you vote for a sociopath like Dick Cheney then you deserve it. It doesn't take much to see that he is. Sometimes I feel that but I know how good actors they are. And they are good. I looked in Dick (the name says it right there) Cheney's eyes and they are dead, emotionless. He is a sociopath, I feel it. He doesn't care, he doesn't feel. Same for that slimebucket "sextortionist" or, let's call it what it is, he is a rapist, Lucas Chansler.

underslept......

heavy concentration......ugh! been all over the place. It took two hours to get to my place last night I vowed never to attempt the subway on Sunday again. I was......hating the MTA with a vengeance.......walking around in heat and humidity that was so intense it was hard to see.....you could practically swim in it. I do need now a respite of some kind.....but am so wired can't sleep now. 

Anyway, this is from a couple years ago.....where does the time go? I was in Jersey City. 

This song by the Wallflowers came on as I posted something "seems such a waste/she always had a pretty face/I wonder why she hung round this place....."

So I had my own thing going and was in a different place (geographically) had barely a clue who.....this person was. I was caught up in my own love life and who I thought I was in love with didn't think about this person .....that way......or anything in any personal way as......how would I? ......That, I see now, is where I fucked up. I should have. It hurt me to leave but I had to. I thought.....it felt like the end. "I can't bear the thought of leaving you/though I don't dare to stay/my heart and soul are at a tug of war......left with emptiness no second thoughts/there's nothing left to say" But it wasn't. Well the end of one chapter the beginning of another. 
What happened.....at the time, I thought it was a routine audition like so many others I'd gone to. This girl was dancing to one of their songs. I'd heard it before, snippets, on the radio. This--she--was amazing. The room was.....lit up. I don't know why this stuff was more popular in Chicago than NYC this song was made in the U.K. but so much of what I heard on the radio in Chicago was made in NYC but more popular in Chicago twisted......right. Thinking now......no......something here was out of the ordinary. A....? Formality of some kind. It was right in front of me and impossible to forget and I never did. Nor did I ever understand what it was. But suddenly; everything changed and so had I. I was never again going to be what I'd been before.

Lucas Chansler sentenced to prison for exploiting young women

Thankfully, Lucas Chansler "sextortionist" *  

 (Ugh!  I'm holding back from saying more......)



   was caught, convicted...... sentenced to 105 years; in Jacksonville, FL.This is federal prison. I really would like to see the court documents and trial transcripts.





  Another similar case is of a man pretending to be Justin Bieber  (yeah, you read right) and tricking naive girls into undressing on camera and...... it makes me sick to write this- later using the imagery to blackmail or frighten them into doing all kinds of sex stuff; this by now being not a thing they are consenting to or willing to do.....call it a form of rape, really. It IS rape. And these men know it; they are aware of what they are doing, but feel no remorse over it. They think it's ok because in their mind women and girls deserve it. Or that's what they want the case to be; maybe it's a form of revenge (but often not) toward women who rejected them but often that didn't happen and it's a......really a hate crime against women. I wish I didn't know about this kind of thing, or that it wasn't as common as it is. But I can't deny when I was this age I could have fallen for this BS, from someone, as high school kids are just that: kids. Their brains are not fully developed and not mature enough to make decisions, that also being consent to sex. At that age, you are susceptible and want to believe what people (men) tell you......I was in high school before internet but that is merely the latest tool for an age old dirty scheme......a guy once told me he could count on one hand how many girls he's known have NOT  been prey to a dude like Lucas Chansler. Now he has a teenage daughter.....sad but serious.....I am grateful for the advice, education and warnings I got, this from various men and women, young and old, fellow students, along the way, at that time and later; they were a life saver.



 Ignorance is bliss, for a short while, til you suddenly can't afford to be anymore. When you find out, it's too late. So don't trust anyone and educate yourselves! It can hurt to find out the truth about someone you believed in and let into your life. But better not to have them in it. Below is a link to an excellent article on sociopaths. I believe Lucas Chansler is one. One of their characteristics is a vacant stare.....like they are looking into a void. Another is lack of emotion or the ability to process empathy in their brains. Lack of fear or impulse control is often another factor. KNOW what these characteristics are as you are in serious danger if you let anyone like this into your life. I know of a case of a very famous one. This person used their position (which she did not earn or deserve, by the way) to steal, cheat, even kill probably. Many people were afraid to speak up because this person is rich and famous. If people around you are worshipping someone, they are probably brainwashed. Get away from them, don't let it happen to you. By writing about this I risk invoking this person's wrath.....which is very real.  But some things have to be said, regardless. Don't be swept up in their charm, as it's a facade; and an endless song and dance. They are full of drama and solipsism; everything is about them; and if fear doesn't work to draw you in they will switch to pity. It's not them who are wrong, it's the masses of people and an admixture of authority figures (the pope, the nuns at school, their parents, the Argentinian Prime Minister.....ect. ect. ) who have "misunderstood" them. You will be convinced but in the back of your head something is "off." I learned that that is the thing to listen to. Kind of like a "bullshit detector." Because that's what it is. It's a lie: they were not misunderstood; these people were simply unfooled. But for that reason, hated by her. 


 Heed the warning signs, and KNOW what you are dealing with!

http://www.naturalnews.com/036112_sociopaths_cults_influence.html#

*Apologies: as I had previously published this in draft form very rough, from my phone.   

I am a little confused myself as I found two articles on this dated several months apart one

Published: 01:21 EST, 17 November 2014 | Updated: 08:34 EST, 17 November 2014

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2837421/Man-sentenced-105-years-prison-sexually-exploiting-100-minor-girls-26-states-largest-case-sexual-extortion-history-US.html#ixzz3g02MoJ4u
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

another 

Heather Crawford & Jacob Rodriguez, WTLV/WJXX Jacksonville 12:42 a.m. EDT July 9, 2015

 http://www.firstcoastnews.com/story/news/nation/2015/07/07/st-johns-county-man-serving-105-years-in-prison-for-sextortion-case/29816285/

.....but anyway

Nefertiti

The ancient Egyptian version of Jackie O or Kate Middleton.....this in my area

Sunflower :-)

Lucas Chansler in prison for exploiting underage girls

Fortunately this lowlife 
  "sextortionist" was caught, convicted...... sentenced to 105 years. Ugh! If gps is tracked (by whom?) I'm holding back from saying more......apologies as I published this in draft form very rough, from my phone. But here are the articles: 
  

(a little confused myself as I found two articles on this dated several months apart.....but anyway)


(sorry for the confusion I was writing this as plural "they" ect because there was another similar case of a man pretending to be Justin Bieber (yeah, you read right) and tricking naive girls into undressing on camera and worse.....call it a form of rape, really. I wish I didn't know about this kind of thing, or that it wasn't as common as it is. But I can't deny when I was this age I could have fallen for this BS, from someone, as high school kids are just that: kids. Their brains are not fully developed and not mature enough to make decisions, that also being consent to sex. At that age, you are susceptible and want to believe what people (men) tell you......I was in high school before internet but that is merely the latest tool for an age old dirty scheme......a guy once told me he could count on one hand how many girls he's known have NOT  been prey to a dude like Lucas Chansler. Now he has a teenage daughter.....sad but serious.....I am grateful for the advice, education and warnings I got they were a life saver)
 Ignorance is bliss, for a short while, til you suddenly can't afford to be anymore. When you find out, it's too late. So don't trust anyone and educate yourselves! It can hurt to find out the truth about someone you believed in and let into your life. But better not to have them in it.

Sorry to be MIA back.....:-)

I have written a lot actually just have not typed but now comes the arduous task of doing so. Three weeks ago I survived (thank you, as I'm sure it was intervention but don't discuss) a violent sexual and physical attack from someone I had thought was a friend. I am grateful to have gotten out alive and with just a few bruises. It is my heartfelt belief and hope that everyone gets a second chance like   I did and I know there is nothing to be gained in this for anyone. The signs may be there but not clear as they are not always obvious. I thought I knew this person and could trust him but neither turned out to be the case. That usually is not, at first or even in the middle, the side they show. Sometimes they do things that are nice and helpful it's a Jekyll and Hyde thing. But this person is severely damaged and nearly destroyed me and himself. It's very sad, and ugly. In the end I just feel sad for him but also know that there needs to be even more security around the city because any woman or girl is a target for this and can end up in the same situation. It's been happening rampantly and it has nothing to do with what you do, where you go .....something has to be done. I can't trust anyone not that I ever really did. There is overwhelming violence perpetrated against women and much of the time as it did with me pornography plays a factor. I have an active.....intense aversion to porn I don't think it should be illegal if it's between consenting human adults ect. But it was one of the main breakup factors in all my relationships. It soured my opinion of these men, too. But porn is a product of men and is built-in.....that I was pressured into transforming into this fantasy ideal rather than be accepted as I am, me, not that. And I will never be "that" .....this I say doesn't make me anti sex but I was exposed to stuff I wish I'd never seen..... and NONE of it was anything I had wanted to see or had looked for. It's sick, absolutely sick. I have an equal right to voice my opinion as "they" theirs as I have just stated. To speak up is not to censor but to add to the mix and there that's mine.

Lunar Day One

http://www.lunarium.co.uk/articles/about-lunar-days3.jsp#day1



Wow everything written here gels with what's going on and how I'm feeling. Yesterday I kept to myself and (peace, what) sat in the library reading, no phone or distractions. I did write out what I experienced certain elements of the past.....lengthy handwritten. I am feeling drained and not like social networking. I started reading War and Peace love it .....more on this later.....

recovering

Yesterday was frantic. Only now just waking.....saw friends and had fun but was everywhere in the city and walking I must have at least 15 miles not sure.....I haven't run in a while but will soon.....I can see myself tightening up though as I was up and down. hills, stairs and so on. I just now found out I can .....well a lot of issues have nearly splintered me but somehow I got out of it, barely.....like I clawed my way out of a grave. A lot of things lost partly I admit, my fault that I was careless and reckless many times but glasses, phone, clothes. I returned cell phones even a wallet with money in it this partly because there was a time I lost mine and people returned it.....without taking any cash and I am grateful for that.....but you know things get lost I'm not the only one. I was supposed to get a replacement but it hasn't arrived it's two weeks now.....several attempts to buy one just a chaotic mess. a lot of upsetting things I'm reading the spying going on me having been spied on I never had the luxury of being ignorant or naive, if that's at all a good thing. I don't know, but educate yourself if you don't want to be led by lies as there was a time once when I was too. Certain people I had thought were OK or great turned out to be not and me being someone who stands out without trying to I was a target. I always sensed something was .....happening but it wasn't clear what. But if you don't want your body, soul and life hijacked then don't ..... well the information is out there. There are bookstores and libraries and a ton of stuff on the internet that's all I can say. 

a drawing I did: 

mirage

I won't quote anyone but it's hovering over me.....thanks to Google and Youtube (such are the ironies) it's not so easy to copy people's stuff the catch being attributing it to oneself often collecting money for it; at least without being exposed. If it weren't for a corrupt judicial system in America a lot of people would be in prison. Sad state of affairs, huh? A lot of copying goes on and if someone rips off your stuff, furthermore getting rich off it, all illegally, and you merely say you're flattered you know what you deserve it then. By doing nothing and saying it's OK you're as guilty as the people doing this to you. Are you flattered when someone steals your TV? Then pawns it......not naming names .....I had a lot of stuff stolen from me (I know me as me it's easy to see this as a whine-fest, it isn't. I'm merely stating a fact: stuff was stolen from me) I was careless that's my fault......though I returned two cell phones as well as a wallet with money in it went through hell for a month due to having no phone.....I may be many things but I'm not ok with it nor am I flattered. Then this lowlife scumbag I made the mistake of dating accused me of, what? stealing $2? I don't like to write stuff like this because it's not positive, uplifting stuff but realistically this is what I've been dealing with. 

So. Live and learn. I'm happy to say I have. I worked hard to pull myself out of a bad place and I'm better, yeah better. Don't get me wrong. A lot of people have come along who are great, I am grateful for them. Spirit has helped me and I am grateful for that also. But I learned a brutal lesson from some of my mistakes you know not everyone out there is nice. Ha. It's like combat, or a video game! Now I can see why people play them.......I hadn't really understood it before.

Speck

"My private life is scandalized by the public/But that's the price I have to pay for my fame"  Noticable One by Missing Persons 

"American women are not, of course, being readied for mass extermination, but they are suffering a slow death of mind and spirit." Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique



"Yet we were wrong, terribly wrong. We owe it to future generations to explain why."

Robert McNamara 


Photos:
     Jack Dykinga. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Dykinga ( www.dykinga.com )

From The Vault Of Art Shay: Remembering The Richard Speck Case

These are bits from the Richard Speck case, Chicago, 1966. I wasn't yet born, but growing up I met some of the people who had been involved on the media end. This is quite powerful stuff and looking this stuff up plus music from the period I started shaking.....this was a media frenzy equivalent to OJ Simpson or Jodi Arias well yeah I suppose they do become celebrities.....I can say that the emotional toll taken on people involved in this was devastating and remained for a long time. I must have sensed something underneath the surface even though I was a kid at the time.....a lot of music from the period is (my opinion) over the top happy cheesy ( not bland trite oooh sorry forgot I'd watched a Bart Baker parody)  and ......but hinting at something more to come.......

carriage horses, columbus circle

Sorry to be MIA I've been working hard on a lot of stuff trying to move up and forward and......well get stuff done. It has taken all my physical, mental and emotional energy. 
I've been spending time at Columbus Circle a lot and around uptown and there's a great deal of controversy over carriage horses and their treatment be it horrific or well or whatnot depending who you talk to. I'd been getting newsletters from organizations trying to ban them saying the animals are abused and showing graphic, horribly depressing photographs of dead horses and all kinds of......it was pretty gut wrenching. However, I've talked to people who've told me otherwise like who have connections to the industry and they say it is not as bad as all that and the people who own the horses love them and that there are internal politics involved property disputes and such. I pass them (the horses) every day and have come to be familiar with them and I believe they know and remember me as well. I pet them. The drivers say hi to me. I don't .....I mean it costs money to maintain their upkeep and the money comes from people buying rides. What can I say? Put your two cents, or two hands in. Pet the horses. Feed them apples. They are very social creatures and love attention and companionship. Talk to them. Buy a ride which will pay for their food, veterinary bills, housing.....for me that's the best I can think of. Maybe in other ways (not always) I'm not as confrontational as I once was or at least not if......I don't know. I love animals. All of them. Be careful feeding them watch your fingers or feed them off a plate or something. Ask permission. 

Maya Plisetskaya Плисецкая, Майя Михайловна

I never met her but have read countless books on her.....gorgeous woman and dancer. If ballerinas sometimes wear strained expressions it's because dance, ballet in particular, is tough. What these men and women have achieved is daunting.....
I never knew much of her story only that her photos fascinated me. Something unique comes through every dancer even though they wear the same costumes and perform nearly identical moves. But she stood out to me. As a teenager I hung out in Strand Books a lot and for hours would study these photos which was all I had for a long time. I didn't know that she was considered subversive there and banned from touring which is why she didn't come over here; although eventually she did. An article on her says, "Plisetskaya explains that for her generation, and her family in particular, defecting was a moral issue: 'He who runs to the enemy's side is a traitor.' She had once asked her mother why their family didn't leave the Soviet Union when they had the chance, at the time living in Norway. Her mother said that her father 'would have abandoned me with the children instantly' for even asking. 'Misha would never have been a traitor.'" Check it out it's pretty fierce her bio. It's Wikipedia so questionable but a general idea.....

you will be missed.

jupiter

I've been studying the planetary hours.....I think I'm starting to get a sense of what they are about; though how "they" figure this out is a mystery to me. Now is Jupiter. Luck be a lady (guys and dolls):):):):):):):) Mathematicians of the ancient middle east I think invented this system.

Jupiter Ascending
Warner Bros. 
with Eddie Redmayne

bizarre just found this of Mila Kunis.....the wedding cake   looked a little like this dress......