Sasha Invol2ver Launch Party@MOS, London

Love me or Die

I put this on my other site but like it so much I'm adding it here.







I recommend listening to Sasha and Digweed: Age of Love or Dj Sasha Coma while reading this.






I am going to kill myself if you don't love me so fuck off the comb dropped ---- won't love me anymore he'll ...... ........ more ................not a sssssssssssss so KILL ME already KILL me I dropped my comb so KILL me KILL me KILL me please H please H please H please H he will love me or I will kill myself or him or her or all 3 of us ha! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy trinity? ??????????????????????? hehe he will love me or I will commit suicide







love me or I will kill myself if I don't get him I will commit suicide commit suicide I will fucking commit suicide I will commit suicide I will commit suicide dropped my Venus comb comb turns into a tomb you will love me or I will die the day of day of day of day of day of day of tell yourself that keep telling yourself that flowers flowers please don't make me hang myself HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH don't make me do it HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH don't make me hang myself he will love me or I will die he will love me or I will die he will love me or I will die jump over the broom clean my room clean my room again again he will love me or I will die he will love me or I will die roses have thorns and have pricked me pricked me I will cut myself open with it bleed in a Paris tub a bath of rose petals a bath he he he he he will love me or I will die I am in white oh lovely white oh don't make me commit suicide I dropped my comb jumped over a broom she did it on that day then I was stung she did it on that day then I dropped a comb he will love me or I will die don't make me do it oh cleaned my room jumped over the broom the bride and the groom so white so moonly white so white don't be afraid nothing, nothing, nothing will jump out he will love me or I will die oh moon, moon a la pink and oh it was white, when it was it was white, so white, so white..............


and it flew so gently in that wind I jumped over the broom but you know it got red oh too red you shouldn't have made it that way you shouldn't have..........


her dress was pink so sad she had to lose her head dress was pink so sad he drove too carelessly oh that white when it was it was white snow white.......


and her dress was pink but the skull was white the dress was pink her hair was white.......

oh luna! what are they afraid of? why do you twist us this way.....why do you?

oh when it was, white light shiny.......dress was pink so sad she had to lose her head.....all cause of her silly boyfriend........


a la pink....a la white........that I'm on this broom tonight! and her was white, it was white......the H was pink but her hair was white.......I'm on this broom tonight oh so light.....the sky light........

Memphis Minnie




One of her songs Hoodoo Lady


........ what can I say? Only now did I discover her........the beginnings of rock and roll? The Southern United States is a fascinating place. There's so much that's completely fucked up and so much that is just priceless. All kind of mixed together. Well, this article (click above) explains more than I ever can!

I used to be very obsessed with Led Zeppelin and it's pretty well known that these British rockers got their inspiration from American blues. I studied Jazz history in college and we were given these amazing recordings of the music from the beginning......the things we don't know about!!!!!!!!!!!!!


another article here

make this?

Going to make this make this make this it's for you make this make this make this this is for you thought it'd never happen but it did


thought it'd never happen but it did

thought it wouldn't


don't avoid what stings it can only heal
what stings what singes

your head is off
the buzzing's endless

a bride and groom
a red man with horns
he won't leave me alone

seeing red all the time
make mine what's mine what's mine
couldn't be too red it's all I ever knew

I made this made this
don't be ashamed
stringy and strange
your freak baby is still yours
still yours still has a mama it's still yours


and I made this I'm in silk
I'm up here where the sky is navy blue
I heard stories they're only stories
heard rumors they are zzzzzs spilling onto a blank page
white page

make this make this you can lie to yourself

all you want lie to us lie to us but this time


your words smoke up so boring boring

useless useless torture yourself senseless

so boring smoke them away so boring going to make this
rusty as it is rusty as it is rusty

you're getting this this that's my work
my beautiful work
it's black it's red it's really a hand made thing
it stings a little but it wouldn't soothe if it didn't burn

made this made this made this
your words are useless
a green haze you snoozed me at one time
out of my life but I'm back in it and I made this made this don't

think I can't make this
smoke of boring that's your speech
your speech it's not much it smiles
wiry but effective
made this made this didn't make this for nothing


all it is all it is all

gamma rays

been doing some thinking/artistic projects with the sun in focus...... once in college, ten years ago, I had taken an astronomy class where we learned about gamma rays. I was trying to be "deep" and incorporated that into a poem, titled "The Universe" "Gamma rays disperse and create life " a guy in the class commented as we wrote our thoughts on people's papers, "Gamma rays kill on dispersal. Confused." anyway, here's Sol in Radio light.....it's blue! Found only this image....the moon in GR light...brighter than sun....

oh could he could he could he

Sun:


medicine light warmth compassion starting over forgiveness descend ascend all stories descend ascend life nurture health positivity

my life: father, mother love, mercy, light of truth


oh that it would would surround us all that's orange that it would oh could he could he could he could he oh could he



save me ha! the little ones the center the center the center and how boring after the center now the that is now

apollo you that create and destroy that I fear that I love love oh the love the music the meds i need the meds the meds the meds the meds brain oh I'm sick I need love the meds endorphins love the meds the love the meds save save save save save save salve help help hell love burn help help compassion oh the love the love the love the love the love so elusive so little save save save save save save save save save save save save

new writing

been forever, yes. had internet problems and super busy with work and artistic projects.


here's what I have as of now:

blleeeeeehhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you read that first one forget you did



two cuts on my right
hand and a burn on my middle finger
it's 3am, 5am......salt still running in me
candle's lit, everything quiet
not asleep....my head is being stabbed
something slices through me
you were running manic this night,
the night before last
5am, 7 am, you're sweating.....
never enough and too much
damn, damn, damn them still more





push a button, call, a house, green, green again
love and hate cut and soothe
a bird flies over your head
an owl, a painting over your shoulder
something you can't explain
feels like metal
you can feel them tightening
so thin made of metal

they are all like zombies, a cult, they're insane




no word and the phone buzzes,
I never knew them, but they know me
too many dolls.....my stomach tightens
they're turning toward you, so slight you can't notice
save, save, bathe me

no one listens
old hag....joke of the village
the crazy lady on the hill


metal
does it heat? this hot, that it can melt
a wig......something burning
this curve was tricky
in an instant how things can change

how things can
I'm waiting and I hate to wait
I hate to wait
I hate to wait

she was in white and it didn't stop him
flowers on the alter, there can never be enough
flowers on a grave
there could never be enough

Jesus is Female


check this out....

Don't crack your knuckles

Today is a waning moon, in Aries. That is very destructive. A day to stay indoors. Or if you want to get rid of something, now is the time. Not a time for cuddling, or romance. This day a guy died doing s and m. People will say to me, I don't depend on luck or the stars I make my own life. Well, I make my own life, too. Things are what they are. Go ahead and have a peace party or happy party on this day, and if you pull if off great. You can interpret it however you want, but Tuesday, Aries, and a waning moon are not typically gentle. Maybe it's all the better because then you have to work extra hard at it. The sky's the limit.....

So yes, that is a pet peeve. Cracking your knuckles is very bad energy. Or whatever you want to call it. It's repressed rage. You're better off just yelling and breaking a window. Get it off your chest.

so much

very nasty things I have to say to certain individuals. But I am a lady. It is hard, sometimes, being one because I can't always say what is on my mind. That doesn't make it untrue.

What is unsaid is what the truth is, huh?

Snow Queen, revised

out here, where there are trees
out here, how did you get out here
the numbers keep repeating
says it means something
numbers keep repeating
one two three you're almost done
almost there
how long will it be, this time?

he meant well, they tell her
you were pricked by the thorn of a rose
you think it didn't matter
that it couldn't hurt
you thought it wouldn't matter





they couldn't lie, no they couldn't
couldn't lie
and did I escape
always somehow, I feel her tentacles on me
always somehow, it's orange but not enough
only an apple sweet and bitter
your lips as red as the skin as
white as the inside
the red of blood so poingnant against
the whiteness of her face
it's only an apple it isn't poison
they're only oils just oils they don't sting




and dance, I have danced again
but it hurts
I see black, it hurts
one, two three my feet are heating up
it was poison she couldn't swallow it





it made you crazy
and it shook you shook you
they did, they did this
they did, they did this

they say she did this to her
you did this to her
you did this to her



peace, he said he wanted it
peace, he said he wanted it
peace, he said he wanted it
that last one to question
oh but it made them crazy so crazy
they saw red, they saw too much red
the mirror is merciless
blue and silver streaks and
could she could she ever escape
would she ever





the thing no one says
that no one wants to admit
that it's him, him



stuck in your head, again stuck in your head

she's still white through the glass



mark that's red
one two three still dancing
pain is growing larger
will I ever escape?
will I ever?

dust

oh dust the dust of lust
lust of dust
that which is us
oh love, love of lust
that which is dust
let it rain down on us
down on us
let it rain down
blow, blow at us
lust that is us
red dust
all that is ours
let if rain down on us


oh love, lust
that which is red
bright red
seeping red
red and bled
red dust
let it rain down on us
rain down
down
let it rain down on us

Murmur


I was trying to find a significance of Redrum in The Shining, the Kubrick version.....I know it's murder backwards. But I found this in the table of the goetia demons.....it sounds like his name backwards.....without the Red. Close. Knifes symbolize air, knowledge, mental clarity (or not).

Here's the description:

Wikipedia: Murmer

(g) Pseudomonarchia daemonum - Johann Wier (1583)

Murmur is a great duke and an earle, appearing in the shape of a souldier, riding on a griphen, with a dukes crowne on his head; there go before him two of his ministers, with great trumpets, he teacheth philosophie absolutelie, he constraineth soules to come before the exorcist, to answer what he shall aske them, he was of the order partlie of thrones, and partlie of angels, and ruleth thirtie legions. (g)

A post I wrote a few years back

I just rediscovered this....it came to mind as I was passing Grace Church. It's really great...this one......so I'm reprinting.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

romance

There were thousands of bands in the world, but only one mattered. They were right about one thing. As soon as I saw him, I knew he was special. I couldn't pin it down, but he was different, apart from these others, all who had this sort of......blurred, almost deadened expression on their faces. He had something else in his face, eyes. And he was the one, the only one.

But that was twenty five years ago, and he's .......dead now. The circumstances are still a mystery.

And, he left, he's gone, on the other side of the Atlantic.....why???????????????

Why did he leave me?

She filled the tub with hot water, and grabbed everything she needed: red wine, cigarettes, a joint (heck it doesn't matter anyway, now), tea, gel, an ashtray, scented candle......and the steak knife. She sat in the tub, drank the wine, lit the joint. Music? Oh well, forgot. A few minutes went by. The wine and mj were making her head spin.......I'll end it now.....but where will I go? What will happen to me after? What will I face? What if I'm sinning? Forgive me, forgive me, whoever's there. Her face screwed up, almost pouting. She started crying again. I can't......how many girls killed themselves over him? She held the knife to her wrists, and for the first time in her life she saw her own mortality and realized she, too, could end her life. But I don't want to become another statistic, another body in the morgue. I can't, not yet, I still have to.......my mission here isn't finished. When will it be? I can't not yet.

I tried to slit my wrists over you, she told him. A gun's easier, he said. If you're going to end it, why not do it quickly? Why give yourself so much pain? Because a gun isn't a ladylike way to do it, she said.

In Gone With the Wind, the catty girls said, men may flirt with girls like that but they don't marry them. Melanie alone defended her, the girl who tried to take her husband. She was the Friday night girl, a "Chia." She was the one hidden from their wives and girlfriends, snuck in during odd hours when they were away or in clandestine meetings in hotel rooms, or at her place when they were on the way home from work, sometimes at their jobs. There wasn't one case of a married man who wasn't having problems with his wife.

Joan of Arc, child of Satan, so dark even Jesus can't save you, born under unlucky, cursed, fixed stars. Joan of Arc shall be France's saint. Child of hell. All these lines are from Lady Snowblood. It's a fascination, a "cursed" child who becomes an instrument of revenge, and a saint.

I feel just like Cindrella! In my beautiful dress on my beautiful wedding day. I go outside for a breath of air, so thankful to be alone even for a minute. I take a breath, just for myself. It's so quiet. If I still smoked I'd be smoking. And then.......there he is. I am not going to faint or have a heart attack. He's not a ghost. My lover, my "dead" lover, the one whose death I avenged on the whole fucking village, is not really dead, but standing right in front of me. You faked your death! I cry. I want you, now, more than ever, he says. You've never looked more beautiful than now, in your wedding dress. I want you, I want you now. It'll have to be fast, I say. So........we sneak into the church basement, into.......a dressing room? A pretty nice one. It happens so fast......marriage must be borne with fortitude, said Ellen O'Hara in Gone with the Wind. He's all over me......then......it's all over me. Meanwhile upstairs is my husband, looking for me, asking, where's my wife? I run upstairs to clean myself off. You can smell it, him, his fluids, on me. My husband will smell it. I find a sink, pour soap on me, am washing myself, and my husband approaches. There you are! he says. Yeah, I say. I just.....spilled something on myself, I'm such a clutz. And off the two of us go, the fairy tale lovers. I later in my designer clothes a hetaira....but married.

And

I was blessed, the most blessed person because I had them spinning around me and I was so so it was truly black and purple around and around me everywhere and he was there he was there he was there he was there he was there he was there




so blessed. luckiest. child of the universe.


I didn't know it.

But the fact that I didn't know doesn't make it less significant. My head was mercilessly fucked with. Maybe I did that to me, I don't know. I never WANTED that. EVER. Bellevue means Beautiful Vision in French.....hm.......kinda sweet. Should I take LSD again? No I can MAKE these images not wait for them to come to me.


John Digweed put that soundtrack together.....I think? He is God.

And you were there you were there you were there you were there where the fuck is the place? I would ask blessed blessed blessed you were there you everything purple around me ......

Mile End, by Pulp


Ten years ago, gulp, twelve.......yikes. I was in the dorms at Hunter, and listened to this soundtrack from Trainspotting constantly. Just before I left for London and Scotland. Kind of comic.....at the time I was dating a guy who did live in a place like described in this song.....the projects. There was pee in the elevators too. British term "lift."

Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, Henry Miller.....if they'd lived in the age of blogging and email? What would it be like? If they had emailed instead of writing letters? They (the letters) wouldn't have been the same. Typing on a computer is not the same as writing at a desk.

Her diary....so painful to read. So hard to view the pain of others. Oh.....that ..........

listening to the trainspotting soundtrack. Ten years ago before leaving for London I listened to this non stop. It's very haunting.....kind of scratches at you.


My mother still sends and receives letters. Henry Miller was rock and roll before it happened....and punk....sexist and offensive at times but I still relate to much of his work.



I read in the Wall St Journal today about lactose intolerance....how many Asians suffer from it.......
something about evolution of various traits like blue eyes (which are fairly new) and ......smaller jaws, wisdom teeth, metabolism......

then I took some scrap paper and on the back of a page was an article about lactose intolerance. So I learned about that today. What is the significance of this?

Also, on a lighter note, there was an article about Snoop Dogg being banned from the UK for an argument he and his posse had with the authorities at the airport. He was referenced by his real name and the written reason for his detention was the use of "insulting words." Just what were they?




Biggest hope? biggest fear?

you all know the story

or maybe you don't

the housewife who ran amok and

killed her children

the drug addict homeless woman who flipped out on the train

love, real love, that did this to her

she continued to live

a shipwreck they made of her

in Scandinavia where people have no problems

is the highest suicide rate



maybe you know, maybe you don't

some 200 African slaves were buried here

but hey they won't harm you they're dead now

you can build build build this is Manhattan there isn't enough space



Feb 18 is 2/18

spring the spring the spring the spring

an old bedspread, the hairs of a cat, a roll of tape

that was our love story



I fell I fell I fell I fell

while they rang the bells at

bellevue bellevue

in French that is beautiful vision

Belle Reve Beautiful Dream

Belle Vue Beautiful Vision





Tony is Time Out New York

where you're standing

names, faces unknown

you all know the crazy woman on the train

or in Mc Donalds

they say real love did that to her



build your towers

precious twins precious precious twins

they are dead they are not dead

they love you they hate you

and they love you and they hate you



no it wouldn't wouldn't fall here

no the mask wasn't hers it wasn't hers no it wasn't hers it will never be hers

more cigarettes more cigarettes



no it wasn't her it wasn't me it wasn't her

it wasn't me it wasn't her

waiting in a beautiful vision

a beautiful vision

it wasn't me it wasn't her

they were all watching TV waiting for me



no they won't haunt you the dead

have better things to do

(such as what? )

no

you all know the story of

that awful face in the window

of the cat hairs on the bedspread

I shouldn't laugh no really



the smell the smell the smell

really I almost died, saving my self. 

I still care. I still care. I have to forgive. somehow. it's hard. I was badly stabbed.....it's those you love who kill you.....who hurt you the most. 

almost

killed me almost killed me almost killed me almost killed me you who are so holy almost killed me you killed me with your love and good intentions