sorry it is hard typing from a hand held android but im getting used to it.....just have to take a break.....i once read a writers quote that if he were locked in a cell hed write on the walls. i was reading up on henry miller and thomas hardy.....ey all these writers.....if theyd lived in the "e" age: of blogging, vlogging.....i can only speak for myself cuz i know myself: i just have a natural instinct to express my feelings god i cant help it. i ama loud mouth it gets me into trouble, always has.  but its how i am. i yell from the rooftops. its not necessarily good.
anyway, on what i had written last: by "fucked up" night i mean this: i forgot my money and metrocard on the way back to jersey from lower manhattan. the distance is just a few miles. but for that short way it cost sixty kisses. hardly kisses they were. just one of those things. i was so pissed. i was getting something out of the drawer and thats when the vase (vase, short a as in rhymes with place or pronounced vahhhs which i think personally sounds pretentious and weird. but you know i am from chicago.....)tipped over and water spilled tragically onto the cable box, which now doesnt work. i mean, it sucks but what can you do other than fix it? that same night, a friend of mine was injured. so i have to fix this.....too bad as i started watching tv.....i never watched it much before. bimbette of my nightmare bneing one to discourage me.....along with my dad who was highly intelligent (he watched shows like CNN and all the news and knew everything about everywhere! as an ex military man i suppose it makes sense. i personally find that stuff so grim i .....its hard for me to watch) digress again my ADD acting up, excuse me.  

storms and food and no hand lotion

I realize, coming back to jc, i forgot lotion and i am very picky about what i use. palmers cocoa butter and mom got this awesome stuff as a giftn.....cocoa butter-like......shoot dont know the name. the rain and wind are quite pretty actually. very gothic. or something. its a light . breezy cool not that horrific noreaster a month ago that was hideous . i had a basically nice xmas with a few very nice gifts i am thankful for.not good for the looks department i feel lumpy and ravaged.....! i got some yoga videos as a gift but the catch is the vcr isnt hooked up and i spilled water on the cable box when flowers tipped on the dresser next to the tv on a fucked up night so have to spend time twisting and tweaking the gadgetry behind the tv til it works and have as of late just been too lazy. sigh. something for tomorrow. but when it all comes together it will be worth it! i was going to do some work but to add to my ....well what the heck it's almost midnight and tomorrows another day! i fell asleep earlier and had a nghtmare....about someone who is fairly well known.....a female. and a male whom .....

this is my rifle. there are many like it but this one is mine.

my rifle is my best friend. i must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me    
ect.  
Thinking of this creed, which I just looked up, watching clips of Full Metal Jacket . Vincent D'Onofrio gave a wild performance in that! But I am thinking of this in light of the recent events. Why say what goes without saying? All those innocent people and children murdered.....("stained with the guiltless blood of innocents") ....I am enraged at reading about that.....I wont say all that was going through my head about lonney tunes (my interjected opinion) Nancy Lanza.....is any explanation necessary? itI have so much to say on this.....

mistype before "write" not "right"

maybe a slip. anyhow. boy am i getting bad!

storms that must be recorded

however one must right even if from a handheld. im getting better at this. please pardon the shoddy punctuation a definite f in AP Stylebook.....ironically i was helping grade papers last night.  i am worn but basically ok after quite a stormy, pun intended but also literally, morning which i vlogged (cq out lauraalta on youtube)  .....my head feels imploded like Boehners Plan B. it is so painful for me to read about that stuff.....really its like my skull is full of rocks. but otherwise good despite a few personal issues. this storm ties in with some things I have been involved in in my own time.......I am in my bleary eyed fatigue and after a rough and difficult morning quite pleasantly surprised at this. the wind feels tropical and I love tjat.....

blood.....swim out

from the Lady Gaga video Telephone:  "We gonna make you swim  out of here in your own blood!"

I have been watching bits of "Untold History of the United States" Oliver Stone's latest.......have to say after four decades in film he hasn't slowed down it appears. This is quite dizzying, I was shaken and very moved watching it at first. Of course, it's not very cheerful material. One serial killer, one horror film, one severed head....times that by, what, around fifty million? Indeed, enough blood was spilled in WWII to fill the Atlantic, seems, or the Pacific....not sure the exact math. But enough. US history is indeed saturated in that stuff.  Fort Greene Park in Brooklyn, where I used to live......check out the history of THAT place alone. Revolutionary War? Gruesome and filthy. Imagine.....that park is a giant crypt with 10,000 buried......that area, where the "rebels" were starved to death by the Brits (nice, my people), literally, how people lived with the smell of all those bodies plus everything else.....how did they live at all. I have more to watch of this....still......so more on it later.

askagangsta....Lady Gaga sick onstage

There are videos of this on youtube.....boy I have heard of kinky stuff but this blows them all away....who in their right mind would want to watch that? Poor girl whatever made her sick.......I have to admit.....I am so obsessed with the celebrity world. I wouldn't want to be that famous myself.....not even able to barf in private; but there's no privacy anyhow so, shurg.....

I F*CKING HATE TWITTER! Askagangsta

This guy is scary as hell and funny as hell!!!!!!

forgive forget

some things are heinous but forgivable. others are not forgivable (deliberate cruelty).......Blanche said and true. in some instances friends did stuff that I was angry at, very, but forgave under circumstances. In other instances, its going to be hard if not impossible.....I am currently pissed at someones behaviour during the storm which was jerkish and just plain wrong given the circumstances.....I go back and forth with some people. power corrupts? honestly ten years have passed and I am still furious at some.....you know show some gratitude. peoples anger, ego and absence of any conscience or empathy.......I am throwing darts yeah because then yeah I felt I was.....used by these individuals. hence why I am I mean I am holding back from what I was formerly thinking but Im going to be civil and not say.     However, others have exhibited actions that make them a gem. to me. I feel the love and give.....I dont pretend to be an angel. I acted horribly today gee wonder where I learned that.....lol.....heinous but forgivable I hope. Sorry ( no emoticons. thanks to those who were helpful. The storm has made a wreck of transportation and with no reliable and fast trains the path.....which was closed without explanation......the buses a disorganized, unstructured disaster   ok Ill stop whining but for five nights in a row I was stuck late in the city I perform and work at night I must be able to take a train or easily get a car at 2am what have you. It was hard but not impossible before the storm Sandy hurricane. Now its a stress that is unbearable. so.....I am eager to start again. at some time soon I am moving back to bklyn and also do not want to .......am hoping (cross my fingers hope!) I will get the chance I anticipate to be in the warmth come winter.......love NYC but need to break from it.....for a short bit. Of course I cant really leave but need.......an out. A short one

last post

apologies if that last was somewhat inane I was typing from an android and it was really hard to edit. I realize whine fest should be wine fest.....grapes and goblins what have you.....

waking.....

i bought this stuff florida water.....on a suggestion. never had this before.......vichy for my face and b2b for my hair. this stuff (not florida water) is pricey but you know it had to be. also tekkai holding stuff for my hair. i needed this......it feels like freshly spun silk though the styling lotion is a little heavy writing this as a diversion from this stff before I wrote. Its hard looking back feelits definitely not my best. More like a whine fest and over the top......I mean that's not me. Plus.....I am watching all these makeup channels. Also.....for the hell of it I bought some markers.....

photos and art

I despise Christmas music

and winter . I do not want to be here! I HATE the cold. And Christmas music. God someone please kill me.....this is why punk rock was invented......

back stranded and spooked and cold

because of the goddamn path trains not running....what jerks. I'm pissed. Three nights in a row I've been stuck til 5am. But one can turn on not good thing around.....I'm bleary eyed, squinty.......ripped apart, pulled apart, scared, really scared. Not like in fear for my physical safety. More like.......the dreams I've been having. As well as personal issues. But the dreams.....I haven't written on them. One was....I keep dreaming about the place my father lived in in Chicago. The high rise. In another life, another world. I lived there. I visited him during the summer as a teenager. After spending time in that BORING house in the hamptons.....sorry. But there was nothing for me there....at the time. I was fifteen, we lived right over 6th avenue and 4th street. Not a place to be for a teenager. How can you concentrate when everyone around you is having a fucking party, all the time? I didn't do well, in school. It wasn't good. I digress. Anyhow, I would visit Dad in Chicago and it's been so long........back then it was a pretty decent place to be. My friends there knew every hip place in town, where all the music and theater was happening, and we were right in those circles. The people in Ministry and Smashing Pumpkins as well as the Chicago theater actors, and formerly among my mother's friends the creme de la creme of the journalism and social world were all circling around me. Indirectly, but there you are. It's a small world there though.....so......

I am not in touch with any of these people any more. You know. It's hard. Chicago is a gorgeous city (with an ugly name) and has much going for it but there was something about New York which pulled me back. Something just wasn't right I couldn't put my finger on it.....I had to return to NYC.  That was how I felt......then. Actually it's how I still feel. 

So in this one dream I had.....about a month ago.....really bizarre. I'm in my dad's place, the high rise. He had moved there from this creepy basement apartment he'd had with a spiral staircase leading down to the basement of hell, it must have been....one which gives me nightmares. I used to see stuff there. He had a water bed. Truly scary this basement. The walls were exposed brick.....red, of course RED. I dreamt once I was sleeping on the couch...cause as a kid I'd get scared sometimes, go down the staircase from my room upstairs to sleep on this couch he had had by the bed.....I dreamt once I was sleeping there and Satan came out. I guess at the time Satan was the boogyman or what have you. I know there are those who view him different. But that's how I saw him then. Really this was like the sequence in Rosemary's Baby.....but anyway. So. He moved to a high rise overlooking the lake. Dad I mean. It was scenic, and dull. It overlooked a swimming pool that belonged to the building across from us. I'm not a fan of high rises. But I'd stand on the balcony summers and watch all the pool bathers. .......a TV and living room......where I'd watch movies all the time.......led out the door to this.  So .....in this dream I'm digressing again please chalk it up to sleep deprivation, being stranded, extreme pressure and......what I'm about to write about.......this guy, an actor......I won't say who it doesn't matter......he's auditioning actresses. Some women walk in....they are fairly well dressed up, like for an occasion. One of them goes out to the balcony and vomits. I think we're handed a script. I ask this woman sitting next to me, who is ....she seems Eastern European, what this is.....is it an audition. Before this....I am constantly dreaming of Lake Michigan....constantly. I am speed boating through the lake, through the park there....the water is warm, it's summer, then it's icy, then I pass cat o nines or something......then back to this apartment. I think.....just after Sandy.....I had another one that I was in this apartment......and Lake Michigan flew in in a tsunami......all the way up to where we were (22 flights up).....this could all be, according to Freud, a sexual sublimation. That must be it.

So

The 70s

I didn't want any flowers, I only wanted


To lie with my hands turned up and be utterly empty.

How free it is, you have no idea how free -

The peacefulness is so big it dazes you,

Sylvia Plath "Tulips"    

Well, this is what the LES WAS at some time.....all was not sunshine and rainbows but still.......


This is a still from a film called "The Panic in Needle Park" I haven't seen it but would like to. Because I'm into things macabre. That's me, though. Here's the link: It was made in 1971. I think I may have seen something like this on TV when I was in France. Or a French version of it.

http://corrierino.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=938643&sid=2aa4601984a1c6d70c9748ed64f51fd3


Now THIS is a fucking depressing song: The Velvet Underground "Heroin"

"Away from the big city


Where a man cannot be free

Of all the evils in this town

And of himself and those around

Oh, and I guess I just don't know

Oh, and I guess I just don't know"

By Lou Reed

Coyote Ugly?

Back during the 90s....I didn't go see that film. But the character, as a songwriter.......that's what I wanted so much, to sing and write pop and dance songs. Singing turned out not to be my thing.....I tried and cracked up so hard, picturing myself as Piper Parabo in that film. But no matter, I can dance to these songs.......


Jellyhead Crush


In my dorm room at Hunter....constantly had this CD going figure what have you......

mental distress but getting there

the events of recently......brutal hell of the past two weeks that nearly wrecked my life........I cross my fingers and toes and whatever else......let them be over SOON. I must be having PSST or something. Again, all my thanks, in ways words can't express, to those who were helpful. I'm having very weird experiences with something. Yesterday was devastating. There were, interspersed.....um, better things. But not which I would write about here. I was able to run.....sort of. Tiny little steps. Bizarre and somewhat embarrassing.......in a small space in the park. But considering two months ago just walking was painful it's progress.

this week

Really hellish and nearly killed me in a lot of ways. I haven't been to my place in over a week. Everything is delayed, strained and today was.......I kind of had that feeling yesterday something (not just the storm, I knew about that) was going to happen, and it did. Friends have come through, and I'm thankful to them. Family as well. There are issues which I won't write about, personal ones, that have shaken me terribly today.  It should be over tomorrow. FINALLY over. I hope. I hope. 
Transportation, work, money, have all been severely interfered with. There are many people who have been sympathetic and helpful, which I am grateful for. Others could stand to be a little more. 

Today, another power outage on the train. This I found out after sitting on a bus for an hour and a half, from 8th st to 68th. We sat and sat and sat and sat. What option was there? The trains weren't running, there was snow and hail outside.

The worst part is the simple things like changing my clothes, re-polishing my nails, my shoes......my boots were soaked through (duh, forgot to wear rain boots) in the rain as I was walking in it for an hour and half and I am lucky I still have my toes. I threw them out (the boots) and bought a pair of storm ones which are ugly as sin but at least they are useful in this particular situation. And walking is not so painful and freezing.

I could theorize on this......what caused it.......many things. In my personal experience......well, I have my own understanding. Another time for that. If I got through this, like I did today, it was by a hair margin. Really. 
And it will all be over soon....back to life. Mine. I hope. I hope. I hope. XO

degrees of separation?

I tend to be in my head so much I don't realize how I'm connected to the people around me .....you know you see people but don't realize they are a link to someone else. Facebook helped me see that. I saw the film Six Degrees of Separation when it came out.....but the mystery sometimes is what is it that is connecting me to people?

post storm

I have MUCH to write on this......so bizarre. My goodness. One highlight is I learned to play Bridge. I stayed with family. I haven't been to Jersey in a week. I have a lot of things to deal with once I get there. This has been a catastrophe but we're fortunate to have the basics which I'm grateful. There are many things happening around the city I want to be a part of and have to make decisions as to what when where. I have pictures I took pre-storm. This will be yet another documentation of it. We could have been far worse off....at least we had the basics. But by that I mean the bare minimum....at least a roof over our heads, food, running water, a stove, coffee......candlelight. Lights are back on. I don't know if I can get the PATH to JC. Halloween was missed....but being I am always late anyhow I will do a usual Laura LATE Halloween performance.....in my costume. I have at least been practicing. My friend was kind enough to let me stay at his place a couple days. I caught up on the TV shows I like to watch.....and a very bizarre incident there. I will write more shortly.