sorry(

so behind. catching up

Today is my father's birthday

Happy Birthday Dan! Love you and may you be in a better place.

good news

I have a space heater now.....because of this I am getting scads of sleep which is helping

GOD DAMN IT

lost my phone again. so aggravating! off to get a replacement.....

have to have heat

off to find a heater......I went to five stores yesterday and could not find one. Amazingly I managed to sleep....a lot.....and not get sick which I normally do when I sleep in the cold. It's actually kind of nice, like a crispy chilliness not that relentless grey gloom that comes typically with winter, though it's still fall. I'm so behind on my plans don't know what on earth to do for Halloween except, hmm? Either go out and party hardy or else something peaceful and private. I'd normally do the second one.

OMG search?

Not sure how I ended up there. Anyway. I took down some stuff as the response I got was a little unsettling. They aren't "nude" pictures anyway.....weren't meant to be taken as that. The other stuff....that person is gone thankfully. Period. It also ......it just wasn't my best stuff. I have written many many pages by hand which I'll transcribe shortly. Crazy as always.

it shall be soon. I'm on super super deadline for something else. Was supposed to do that but inexplicably ended up writing til 5am. maybe I should submit this instead.

wall art in NYC

While I was walking around one night....getting on the train I found this painting. Not sure the artist.....I thought it was pretty disturbing but well done.

at rite aid, a few days ago

This is Hoboken at like 7am or so. It was a really pretty scene with the seagulls flying around. They were having their breakfast, I suppose. I fed them a couple slices of blueberry cake.

since I'm here

at the computer with no pen, among other problems......I'll post some of my art.....

oh.....

this day is the anniversary of something.......oh god. I know this date very well. Maybe that has to do with what I'm writing about.......anyway.

today, last night

IOOh I believe, though I haven't checked thoroughly....it's the beginning of fall equinox. Not surprisingly, considering the intensity of everything. On the up side well a bunch of things. I'm writing new material first time in a while. It's pretty crazy......stuff......everything will be done far differently this time as now I konw what I'm doing. A few other new things. One terrible thing, or person rather, is leaving FINALLY .....this creep who moved in as a neighbor who was yelling at me and threatening and spying on me is LEAVING may he never return. I was feeling unsafe for the first time ever where I was living. His stupid smoke alarm went off the other morning while he was out. He's the only one who smokes. The window fell as I was trying to fix it...mine....as it cracks in an annoying way....and I cut my finger, or rather it did. Blood spurt out for a bit......finally it began to clot and dry and I guess I'll live. My leg was sprained and I had to stay off it for a week I am feeling dreadfully out of shape but it's finally healed thank you very much.....ice and tons of rest.


Dreams:

This one....just this afternoon, or rather from yesterday.....I was auditioning for Star Wars.....walked into some kind of basement but like a studio......all kinds of machinery and like ships and stuff like a set. The cast of the film was there....but instead of them like their bodies they were plastic....like Barbie dolls or something....but still moving and talking normally.  These women who used to be in a feminist group I used to visit were admitting people....and they, one of them, was lecturing me about not showing up to something or forgetting...but she let me through. Had me fill out some kind of paper.....you know like the ones they give you. 


Side note: I'm obsessed with the make up tutorials by Pixiwoo.....she's putting on red mascara in one I'm watching. I've gotta try that.....this particular woman Sam has eyes like mine though hers are like sea green...gorgeous.....anyhow. Digression.

The night before I dreamt I was in Egypt. Maybe due to some crazy article I read online on ritual murders.....pretty fucked up obviously. Let me just say that ANYONE who thinks performing a ritual murder is going to help them in any way like a sacrifice to the gods.....is not a sane human being nor an example of anything. In one particular instance it backfired on this person.....what a dumbwit. Anyway. So I am in Egypt and going back to a place I stayed in when I was there. Except I didn't stay there but rather used to live in an apartment in Evanston when I lived there as a kid that looked like that. I think this guy I had been seeing was there, too. The next night....there was a show on about Egypt I heard on the TV ...I could hear from my room.


I had this feeling like the blood spilling from me earlier was like some kind of symbolic part of the rite of fall....something like that. The new moon. And from elsewhere. Have to say blood rather fascinates me. I was reading an article on bloodstain pattern analysis.....as well as on the suicide/suspected murder of Kurt Cobain among others..... Freakily similar. But to go into that is.....too long for now. Oh, yes. And something else. I don't want to reveal too much....but such was not what I thought.....some new unexpected element has entered. But that too perhaps pissed some off.....? hm.

Madonna booed off stage in Paris after fans pay £200 a head for concert ...

  I'm being harsh here but for a reason.....one of real humanity among other things; and in the service of art and spirituality, that which is genuine and from the source. At the beginning Madonna told people to "start saving their pennies, I'm worth it." Hm. Doesn't seem that way, does it? I could have told these people from the get go to spend their money for much better, higher purposes. I only am exposing this ugly truth for what it is in the instance of some horrific and terrible acts of brutality I've witnessed from those in her circles, and her. And for the fact that there are those who attempted to censor and harm me. I thank the workings of justice, peace and human rights. In French they were saying the show should have been free. I would not go to see it if they paid me.

checking in!

I have not really been able to sleep well. So much going on. I'm brimmed over. All spilling out. I was hurt in my right knee (same problem, goes away, comes back) I twisted and sprained the hell out of it. For three days I had to stay as inactive as possible, considering this is NYC and it's not really possible to do that. There's someone renting a room where I live who is creepy and weird and who I pray and will and whatever else will work will leave because I'm getting a vibe like the Unibomber or you know  that type. Part of why I'm distressed and restless. Not the only reason. There are other, better things, thank you. But so much of what I thought was......how do I say? There've been some drastic changes. A lot of bizarre happenings. My instincts turned out to be not paranoia but very real and true. 

I'm listening to Sasha and Digweed Delta Heavy....God I don't get tired of writing about them! Something about this mix.....was so wound up I put this on at 5am.......what is it? Partly that I refuse to be in NYC for winter and Miami is one place I'll be alternately.....I love it there! White sand and sea shells, to start. And of course the waves.....other stuff I won't go into .....

as for the present

Yes I have lots going on and am.....I have to memorize my own words as I'm supposed to recite them tomorrow night. I'm really prepared! Last night.....for .....I had been kind of brainstorming this week for new material and anyhow....I got the idea to do a monologue...as I hadn't done anything really dramatic or seen any plays in so long. It's nice to see people do that because it's relatively rare. It was from a Margaret Atwood book....and went over fabulously. I relate so strongly to the material and to the character.....even though she's more or less a villain in the book.

so that and.......I took a million great photos but had some kind of problem uploading them....I will try to do this presently......these were taken around the city at night....the first is a costume shop next to Grace Church.......more graffiti art....and at the train station.

hi.....D!D ect

It's been yet again a while since I posted. Now that I have better internet access.......

I went to Under St. Marks yesterday.....performed at 2:30 AM as usual.....I wonder if I'm destined to perform with Goodwin, the rappers and Bob Bell. I think I am. But I could do worse! They're all brilliant acts....I'm very pleased that there is so much creativity in the city still. I made some new friends last night who were kind enough to shelter me at their place in Washington Heights and save me the tedious trip back to Jersey City at 3 in the morning. They had the most darling three cats; one was kind of a midget and very super friendly. It's so pretty up there.....as are the buildings and apartments. Sigh. It brought back memories being up there....of when I lived there at different times in my life. I found John Digweed's Global Underground album on YouTube I suppose a bootlegged copy. I've had so many copies and versions of that CD! Back....what was it? Like 13 years ago, goodness.......weird how the past comes back to bite you or maybe just slap you in the butt! My friends live at the train station I used to get off at back then......I had broken up with my boyfriend of the time (whom I ran into by the Path train recently....him coming back from a "rave" he looks the same and hasn't changed....) and took a room up in the Heights in a panic as I had hardly anywhere else. It's a mostly Dominican neighborhood.......this place I used to go to for cafe con leche in the mornings there......there's probably nowhere in NYC where they make them that great. You just won't find it. The person I rented from was a real prick, unfortunately. Everyone was cool except the one I was in most proximity with. But......for the time being.....I know that period so intensely because it was a time in which at times I suffered horribly BUT something happened in the interim and I became really blessed too.....cheesy? There was so much change occurring. For a while...it was great. I moved in with a friend of my mom's who lived downtown (after I fell out with that person up there) and my job was on Whitehall Street....so few people have the luxury of paying very low rent to live in lower Manhattan......I'd get these giant Mochas in the morning on the way to work.....so I'm listening to this CD now and anyway. That and being in that area. All in the summer and year leading up to 9/11. And I'd had many premonitions of that as well. For a while, though.......it was good. I used to make weekend trips to London, Berlin. Where am I going with this.....? ??? And performing, then, in my friend Andru McCann's show.....and he was so sweet as he recently cast me in one of his films........! I hadn't acted in forever. Anyway. 

So I got off the train from the Heights coming back to the present.....they were kind enough to let me doze off after that very intense night on St. Marks.......I must have stuffed my face in a copybook way....from last night perogis (from the Ukrainian place) cream, beer, whiskey soda and today veggie burgers, cheese and fries.....hardly diet food.....I got off the train at 66th street (the signs there.....as I have the OCD obsession with numbers.....66th street on one side then another became 6666.......? meaning of that?) because the car I was in had no AC and usually I like it on the warm side but this was ridiculous.....I was sweating miserably and wearing the outfit from last night....starting to feel like trailer trash indeed.....and very fat. I went over to ------- and not sure what I'd do except use the computers because they are much faster than what I have in JC. I used to run constantly on the west side bike path but in spite of articles I read recently saying running is good for joints......after my injury from this summer I"m worried I'd hurt myself......but I can write and finally upload all these pix......

thanks to you uptown for hosting me)

I am.....

these my earrings 
these ones diamonds 
the others gold 
the silver of the moon I am of it 

I've stepped outside myself I can't feel my mind 
all us, never was anything but 
it was a box, a horror hell I was shut in

all these sparks are mine 





my new words. still have to finish memorizing. why is this hard? the news is full of intense stuff. I'm waiting to see many people whom I miss. I hope I see them soon. 

Buying books.....cause I still do.....

I went to Barnes and Nobles...the one down on Warren St. First of all....don't know if I wrote this before....I had discovered, at the neighboring Whole Foods, this machine that takes your blood pressure. This is when I was running by the river ( I miss that. Hoboken across the way....... Soon.) But my BP and oxygen saturation levels are all at normal. One less, better still! I .......I guess I'm someone who needs......what do I say? Maybe inspiration of some kind?

So I ....excuse my digression.....went to B and N because there are some books I REALLY want to read but they didn't have the ones I wanted. I was talking to the clerk, a young man.......maybe it was for moral reasons what have you.....I was asking for a book "Autobiography of a Blue Eyed Devil" by Inga Muscio.....which was out. This is a very important book and this store has a way of not having the books I want to read...that I consider important. Another was one on Pope Joan......which was a best seller in Europe. They did, however, have another book by Muscio...the clerk  told me, "I don't want to say it...." and showed me the screen....it was her other book "Cunt." I  then asked if they had "Rhett Butler's People" I think the author is named Donald McCegg....I have to check but due to my not being able to run too many windows I'm delaying.....also out. Finally...dying to read this..... "All the President's Men" by Bernstein and Woodward. I didn't get that...though they had it.....for some reason....I ended up getting a Bantam copy of Pride and Prejudice. Mainly because every time I'm in the store, any book store, there are, at every blink of an eye, always more spinoffs on this story. I've read it a couple times....but often there's stuff you miss the first or second....I'm reading that now having watched one BBC miniseries with my mom recently. Yes.....it all has sunk in much more than previously......awesome story of course.......

And the crime stories.....recently finished, and am re-reading.....Pulse by John Lutz. I looked for Single White Female (that one in particular I'm interested in) ......

more to come....

The internet access here is slow...... I have some great stuff which I will post as SOON as I get a better connection.

So yes it's been a while....but I have not been idle. My knee is slowly coming into its own me being the drama queen I imagined the worst.....but cross fingers ect. good. I haven't run....anywhere except, kind of funny, briefly around my room. I am on the ground floor and there are no people downstairs.  I have TONS of really great pictures to post but I'm having trouble doing this .....presently...to be fixed.

I do have a back yard which needs a lot of work. I know there are feral cats running around the area......don't even want to get started on this topic. For personal reasons. But...I bought some food and have been leaving it out....and someone is eating it. The cans are empty and the food is eaten. I hear one cat but don't see him.....and the neighbor's dogs bark I think when he/she comes around. Anyone want to fix up this yard? Just needs to be weeded. I did this once.....at another place. You need mosquito repellant .....and to keep your legs and arms covered. There's even a BBQ pit someone left....don't know how workable it is. .....? I never do that.

I will be back shortly......much more exciting stuff than this.....or should I say even more....


Oh yes.

whew!

Long time since I last posted. Apologies. Damn internet sloooowwwww......


I read in the papers that $13 million worth of cocaine was recently siezed in Bayonne. Imagine that!


I am not watching the presidential campaigns because they are so disturbing and depressing. To me. I am watching shows like Criminal Minds like recently if I had other lives I'd be a forensic scientist.....a coroner it's quite fascinating to me. Really all those shows. Cold Case is another. Of course Law and Order.

For comedy my favorites are Seinfield and Two and a Half Men. John Cryer is so awesome!

So what else? I AM writing new poetry and I have to memorize my own words. Certain nefarious fuckers at one time decided to try to rip off my work. On that another time. Boy was I naive at one time! But no more. I'm very excited though I've been working very hard on new material.

This week has been tumultous. Maybe it's negativity in the air....the people yesterday who were murdered (the knife weilding maniac in Times Square....one more reason not to hang around that area. And the triathlete.....I admire them for being able to do so much activity and I suppose deaths are not that common but they do occur. People don't understand why (another coroner's job?) but swimming in the Hudson...bleh. I give all my kudos to anyone who can do that!

There will be more to come.....