John Henry Draize

I had to edit this for clarity a little embarrassing. I sound like one of those fundamentalist preachers really what I meant is................influenced by something I read..........if there's a way to torture a person's soul or if people can suffer in the afterlife then honestly this is one who has it long coming you know.  Whatever your view of "hell" is I'd say ..........the I think it was Prometheus, was condemned to having his liver eaten forever. Eh.

Golden earring - Twilight zone

I remember, as a kid, playing hide and seek and this song being on the radio. This video is a fucking amazing. Love the dancing fembot fatales

youtube and life

and else where......quite a lot of meanness, viciousness really. I've had it directed at me and I've seen it at others. People who didn't deserve that. What do you do? It's very traumatizing. It becomes......when your trust is violated it's very hard to go back. What can you do besides remove those individuals from your life completely? Just get away.

tendues

I read, in a book on the late choreographer Balanchine, that he said the most important thing a dancer can do is "tendues" basically just pointing the foot and bringing it back toward you incredibly simple......

enough said

I'm not taking this any further. Not here anyway. "It" clearly has a problem with female artists and female genius but well, yeah, anyway.......

if you want to know how far it's gone

"it" even has reached out to my friends and family to try to turn them against me and start stuff......to rip apart me from the inside and tear apart my family life and personal friendships with people. People who are again innocent and have nothing to do with this whole thing are being harassed by this sick monster.

and

that evil "it" is at it again. that explains everything. I'll leave it at that; I've written on it elsewhere.


And finally; look, things are what they are and I call them as they see them. What I write is not all nice; life isn't always nice. What more can I say? I'm very .....I was horribly ripped apart last night and devastated by ..............I just was put through a hell and torture that continued til this morning. I'm grateful for its end. You can't really expect me to be nice and cheerful while this is happening, and it reflects in what I write. It is what it is.

after this

start over. start the whole day over. the whole day. start the whole day over.

things

I wrote some stuff I may or may not publish. I'm distressed beyond all words. Morning was awful, but daytime never sits well with me. Horrible. And a devastating betrayal and slash from someone who ought to care but well what else is new.

NYC Nightlife

 Back in the late 90s, the nightclub Limelight became embroiled in controversy over an alleged murder; excuse me I'm editing for clarity: Someone was murdered, and the main suspect was Limelight club promoter Michael Alig; who it turns out was guilty: in a heroin-induced psychosis murdered his lover, Angel Mendez, I believe was his name. Limelight gained the reputation of being a drug den of degenerate.....? Killer drag queens? I was obsessed with this whole matter and read the New Yorker story hundreds of times......the owner of Limelight was Peter Gatien.....I'm not going to go into the whole thing here because ......that's a book in itself. This is all the subject of the film Party Monster and a new documentary. Reading this article, because a) I'm psychic and b) I was a on off club kid myself who worshiped techno/rave music and the scene..............I knew something was way off and being really severely distorted if not lied about. Fast forward 13 years whatever it's been; lo and behold I was right.....this so called "Quality of Life" campaign which was a euphemism for a human rights assault on artists and anyone in the.....what do you say? Underground non conformist community; smear, slander, harass, rob I'm calling it what it was. Look at the pictures of these kids and the ones of Lady Gaga.....what a coincidence! And you thought she invented this weirdness herself? I have nothing against her....you know I like her videos she has a certain appeal but in no way did she invent her own image or most of her music. In other words, "Quality of Life" was a, dare I say it? a farce and a .....dare I say? Lie. Peter Gatien was portrayed as a dangerous, deviant and hardened criminal who was conspiring to kill kids with illegal drugs (even though he himself had three kids) and so on and so forth.....was finally deported to his native Canada, and subsequently robbed. If I have this story right.....Gatien said that the police infiltrated and went underground into his clubs to buy drugs, to prove they were being sold and make a bust. They managed to make four buys of small bags of grass. That's it. Hundreds of thousands of people went to these places every week. This is a quote from Gatien, "I got acquitted for the drug charges in three hours after a five-week trial. The Feds win 99 percent of their cases, but I had a great lawyer, Ben Brafman [who represented DSK recently]. It was a major embarrassment to the Feds that they lost that case." http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/09/22/peter-gatien-looks-back-at-mick-jagger-guns-n-roses-the-limelight-club.html


http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/09/22/peter-gatien-looks-back-at-mick-jagger-guns-n-roses-the-limelight-club.html

He then said Guiliani destroyed NYC in so many words. Mr. "Quality of Life" who also allegedly, though I'd have to really look into this but it's probably true, said pole dancers are strippers (therefore criminals) because he's the expert on pole dancing.

But hey don't take my word for it read the stuff yourself and see. The level of fraud going on is......it's just unbelievable. I knew it. I knew something was off.

HELLVIS Rumble Town

six degrees of separation? so it goes w/art found about this thru a friend of a friend of a friend of a ......well, it was a long time ago. good thing I asked huh? this is brilliant!

Wilderness Survival : What to Do if You Are Bitten by a Cottonmouth

This is fascinating, and devastating. I have a friend who was bitten by a spider in California.....he said in the emergency room he was begging them to cut off his arm man whooooooo.........people saying copperheads aren't dangerous, then someone is killed by one. Why the hell do people go near these guys, or even consider keeping them as pets? They are NOT pets. You see them, leave them where they are. Especially, I mean, if you approach one without respect then you're asking for it I'm sorry.....

by the way

particular person I'm speaking of is a really bad writer. her stuff is unreadable. ok. think about it. someone who tried to be a comedienne and was about as funny as my shoe. finally, they're being outed for who they are.

wiretapping, stalking and cyberstalking alive and well in America

another minor detail overlooked by the American press (maybe because they're in on it); we are being spied on. Things said in private conversations in the privacy of our homes, turning up in the newspapers and television even comedy skits, on billboards no joke........who does that to an innocent person? Wake up folks it ain't just the UK. I'm very ......how could somebody do that to another person? That's someone with part of their brain missing. Most of us are raised with a sense of right and wrong, that it's simply....we would feel like what we're doing is wrong, is bad, that we're bad, in breaking into someone's home and putting cameras and tape recorders there and on cell phones or hidden in presents................... to go behind someone's back, without their knowledge, abusing and violating their trust, their naivete, and do this dirty work on them..........there.......privacy is a right not a privilege. Accept that if you're out in the public eye in any way.....I mean probably if you're performing on subway platforms you're out there; there are those who have an interest in you and it's not a good one. Perps in my situation have a particular edge with female artists; they really do hate them. I'm not joking. Boy I don't like to write about this. But it is what it is. There are those running loose who are dangerous human beings. They are wrecking right and left, damaging; is it so much a mystery why the economy, the economy, the economy.....all you ever hear about is the economy.......the country.....is in the state it's in? The theft is so colossal it can't be measured; that I am serious about to. There are those arrogant enough to feel entitled to do whatever they want, screw over whoever they want; steal money or jewelry from a child sure no problem. It always go on, but ignorance is not bliss. Oblivion just makes you an idiot, I'm sorry. Only after being sadly a witness to this evil every day am I forced to finally say something...........walking away doesn't make it go away.

again, that "it" is after me

a truly evil, sick jealous monster . and oh, while you're at it, get off my page. you're not welcome in my life in any way stay away . I repeat, stay away from me. to whom I say this, you know who you are.

michael clark choreography dance 1

Had to plug this as well......I love Michael Clark and I watched this video as a teenager I flipped upside down inside out.....this is what inspired me to go out and become part of the NYC downtown scene....I couldn't wait til I turned 18.....

but still

I feel like "something" well yeah there's some mystery there. Still. There is.

as for go go ga ga

wearing a Baphomet "hat" does not make one an anything. I know people who are involved in Satanism and very intense spiritual studies (no, I'm not a Satanist myself I do know some) ...... and it's a great deal of work and not easy. All that stuff about "selling your soul" total BS.  One ritual won't land you the lottery, SORRY! If ONLY it were that simple. Lady Gaga, even though I do like her, I love her videos, has been outed innumerable times as having copied scores of other artists, such as Dale Bozzio, Ace of Base.....and the entire underground club scene from NYC in the late 90s to well now.

Go Gos

Hum sounds a little like....ga ga.....where am I going with this? It's late, I've been not feeling well, my head and nose stuffed....mind going many directions.

I was listening to some go gos and their less popular stuff is much darker than what got played on the radio. I read somewhere that Belinda Carlisle had read Anton LaVey's writings and performed rituals from the Church of Satan. Again, this is open to many interpretations. Likely these artists are no more.....you can say this about any number of 14 year old death metal kids. Anton LaVey had said he was an atheist and their rituals were for show or psychological.....and were very rough, shoddy. Still, in the Jayne Mansfield story well what happened happened. Whether this is tied to the Manson killings, again, speculation. I read Susan Atkins' account of what happened and she blew the lid off much of the mystery surrounding them. Cults yes.....she had said it's .....easier to "brainwash" young, lost confused kids in California because you can more easily isolate them......not leave them other options, other opinions. In NYC, you can run across the street and there'll be someone to contradict what you're being told. Then, there was no Internet. There was no one, no where to run. No one to tell you what you were hearing was wrong. I myself was saved by friends who warned me about certain groups that had targeted me. I didn't, however, stay far enough away. I didn't ......know then what I now know....not enough. No one did.

ooohhhhh

threes what is three I wrote that revising my poem....I haven't been feeling great. Usually 3s showing up are not good for me....I was watching "conspiracy" stuff the curse of 27 which is 3 times 3......well anything has good and bad potentially. From my knowledge of Masons they are Christian-based not Satanic. Illuminatti I've met people who've written on them and said it's BS. Conspiracy theories start out entertaining enough but then spin out of control into a call to hate.....then you have stuff like the witch burnings and other things like that. Them, them them they did this they ect. Knights Templar.....that they were tortured by Christians not a surprise, then went underground. But they are not Satanic. I very much doubt, VERY much doubt Beyonce (especially ) or Lady Gaga are Illuminatti or occultists if Beyonce is illiterate, which I read somewhere, it's extremely doubtful since one of the things you need to do is educate yourself and read and write constantly.

That said, I'm very fascinated by the Jayne Mansfield story (does sound like Manson) ...........it's something to think about all this.....and how many women in Hollywood in that scene started out gorgeous, sexy and glamourous (there are so many...to list them all is redundant) then somehow skid off and down and .....oh boy. So this is the stuff I'm watching.....what disturbed me somewhat is writing on this the number on my page is 399.....wasn't 33.3 the standard speed for records.....?

sky dancer

three syllables

three bells
thinking in threes
which one is it 
which one will it be

this one, the blue clouds, blueberries?

love and it's real

 it's real
so many yellows!

so is all this light

all this light so much of it

this light this one oh only this one




you, me and her
did it slip right by me?


this one is pink
this one's for friendship




theirs and not his
theirs and never his
all of theirs and never his



something in here, wired in me

white in me
all that was peachy pink






all of me is raw and red 

all of me is raw and red
it's coming at you
and is it real
it's coming at you really at them
coming at you really at them



black ants seem to multiply faster than birds
protecting them? 

it was up to you 

it was up to you 

you did the right thing
they never told you
no one will tell you but you know

 covered in snow 

that's how it is here
you think nothing can live here

you did the right thing
you did the right thing
part of my legs bare in the snow

you are here, you and her
you are in plaid 

you now and him 

you and her 

you now and him

your hair is red 

and you are silent


the night is black
your room is silent
the door never shuts and never opens
you now and him
you now and him

what are these eyes

they belong to him

the eyes are glowing

yes it was hot hot in there

yes it was hot in there

promising safety

me to him him to me

and it's getting dark

dark it's getting

his text

a light! another then another

somehow I got back
oh a storm quieted down!
this thing that lives in my head

bright lights in the snow
what are those lights
what is that face

the presents under the tree [?????]

is this coming day, now it's night

day now it's night

in the snow marking it

presents under the tree

flames move like water

this night

there's no one around

my cat, the snow a mountain

a spark of deadly freeze
at your fingers
what soul could live here

somewhere it's hot
they're stirring white paste

bag pink

it has a peachy smell

there's a devil doll
in the shop

I feel rawness and blisters every time I breathe in

aching, aching my body

in from the cold

a ring, one for every kind of day

I went over this recently and it needed a lot of work.....not publishing the final version just yet but here's a MUCH more refined version the last few were very rough ******************LMSaiter












8 am, 7 am which hour was it
plastic is cheap barely containing
somewhere it spilled
overspilled




a car, too many
crossing the street

it was winter this time


other earrings, those ones gold
the others diamond
this that's happening
I can't feel my mind
I've stepped outside myself
someone grabs my wrist someone grabs me
being naked being desired feeling the buzz

richard hell & the voidoids - going going gone

First time I heard this there's no end to the stuff love that.....this is....I mean, gee what words? Thanks to R who told me about Richard Hell.....!

We're Coming Back - Cock Sparrer

Well have to say it's good to always be open minded....I'd never heard of this group til a friend, Brendan, told me about them when they played at cbgbs......pretty, more than pretty cool they really are wicked cool..............these riffs, if I dare say, sound like this go gos song I just listened to "We don't get Along" try it.....

what was it like?

this kind of horrible assault? It could have been worse. What was it like? That's what I'm supposed to write, about the most excruciating, embarrassing, painful moments of my life.  I haven't been raped, or tortured....knock wood and so on. But really that isn't true, I have been. Separated from the ones I loved. Frozen. Sleep deprived. Robbed. Abused. Starved. My privacy invaded, my emails read, my web sites tracked.....my ideas and words and projects stolen by those with an unfair advantage.....savages. Stalked. Harassed. Deceived. Denied rightful accreditation and attribution for my own work. Insulted, assaulted, smeared, lied about, humiliated, lied to, robbed....................... I know what you're thinking, stop with the victim mentality. THe reason I have that is because I AM a victim. What is it like to be a victim? I always thought it was passive and it is. It's like being mutilated. Something is stolen from you and you will never get it back. You will never be the same. The pain is with you every second of every day. You will never stop feeling that pain.

So why am I divulging my rape story? Who was never raped, ie I never had a dick in me without my permission. But in other ways, psychologically.....

Because I got a very nice compliment from someone a few people who saw that I have writing talent and wanted me to tell my story. My story. It's been fabulous at times other times it's been hell. Heaven and hell. Heaven and hell. Heaven and hell. Heaven and hell. Heaven and hell. Heaven and hell.

AGAIN Sea Mirror REVISED

on the Venus/Aphrodite theme




the mirrors sea
had to be
vapors rising sit on my skin
this had to be
seas too many 
across the sea 
seas too many


strawberry that's you skin that's me 

honey ouija I am 
honey ouija I am 

give me green
give me green

mirror the sea

sugar that's me
mirror the sea 
sugar that's me


white hot the salt hits me
my face wet drown in this






it's silver slippery
this a mirror this the sea
this the sea the mirror

light is split
I'm somewhere in the hills 
a theistic rapist a she

underwater
brother twin  is a lover
is a sadist  a sensualist
I'm in a mirror 
something over me 
something falls wet, sea salt
there are two of them 
two of them


lost returning 
lost returning 


I'm in all that I'm in
a mirror is the sea
sea is the mirror


it's meant to be that's mine
meant to be that's mine
foam rises meant to be that's mine

oops

did not mean to publish those.....probably better you don't read them. But keep in mind that the person they're directed to has deliberately hurt me on innumerable occasions so I have every good reason to say what I said. This is not a sweet, good innocent person. This is someone who willfully maliciously caused me and others close to me, completely innocent, horrible pain and perhaps death. I'm serious. Just so you know where I'm coming from.

dream

was I in white? someone stuck pins in me.....second grade? some kind of art project. I pulled them out, not painlessly.

I've

said it before keep it up and so will I.

*it* returned

I wrote some very nasty stuff and it's all true but given that I'm too classy I won't say it online, in front of others in public. That sucks.  she is a truly sick blob. Enough already

the name *it*

enjoy it, you asked for it. you won't enjoy it.....you are really a sick beast ............you did it to yourself

Scorpio Rising

This sounds like me doesn't it? I think it describes me to a tee.......I was told my ascendant is Capricorn due to my birth but there must be an error it doesn't fit my description....except that I have always had bad knees (ruled by Capricorn) I still have all my teeth (ruled by Capricorn) all healthy (Scorpio) anyway.....READ ON on MOI  

Suicidal Tendancies - Institutionalized

This is actually the first time I ever heard there stuff even though I've always known of them.....impressiveD

she /it came back after being gone

and her bitch sidekick.....get it, get out, don't come back. DO NOT come back. DO NOT try to censor me. Every move you make toward me will get this response. Get it? You're not welcome, on my site, in my life or art. You know who you are. Get out!

This is a Cotton MOuth......Exquisite and beautiful creature.....as long as you don't piss him/her off.....

Blind Faith - Can't Find My Way Home

My friend, when I was a teenager, would always laugh at how this model was pretty much a clone of me...or me of her.....but this came out before I was born. My dad had this record, a little eerie. As a kid, I was always surrounded by amazing music both parents it's just recently I remembered this.....I did grow up in a liberal environment, somewhat hippie-inspired, though Dad considered himself Republican or maybe Libertarian, my mom and her friends were/are mainly Democrats (not Radical or hippie/punk/anarchist)

Did some amazing artwork

with the title "Miss Honey Ouija" but the "Miss" I drew swirly lines around to dress it up it ended up looking like
"Nigga" no matter how I drew around it it still looks like that.....


feeling better. cause after doing my stuff I see they see I'm a genius

more words draft .....To You I Bring

very rough wrote this last night........here's the beginning 

Now you're surrounded by me 

sugar strawberry 

love honey ouija 

love honey ouija 

sugar strawberry 

that I am 

that is me 

that is newly me 

across the ocean 

the endless ocean 

across the river 

silver river

honey ouija 

you and me 

you me sticky 

all over me 

bruise me get me sticky 

to you and he I bring it and he 

that is mine mine and all of mine

honey ouija me 

woke up you and me 

what I saw 

fitting perfectly 

sugar strawberry 

to you I bring 

to you I bring 

Sugar Strawberry/Honey Ouija I am now 

I am now 

yes I am and will 

I am me and will 

I am 

now the name is hidden

now the name is hidden

another "plug"

 anyway, I want to point out another book I read over the summer that was really profound to me which I myself loved, it's "Love Child" by Sheila Kohler really fascinating romantic and heartbreaking finally. I met the author at a few events in Brooklyn; she's from South Africa. This is the first I've read of hers definitely want to check out more. here




Love Child by Sheila Kohler

*it* goes for it (me) again

Like I said, this is one instance where someone is forced  take action as I now am. Another incident, where I was ...... not at anything said directly to my face but a notice put up in the dance department, that I nonetheless took great offense to. There may be arguments for it, I'm not going to say what it was but it .....the tone of it made me really mad. And so, no, I"m not going to rent any studios from them or take classes like I would have. It's just not acceptable to speak that way to anyone. And once again, her *it's* name also came up in connection with it, at the same time. But .....what else can you expect from a demented, mean psychopathic fiend like her. It won't be anything nice, thoughtful or considerate. It'll be insulting and vicious like it was, a thoughtless knee jerk slam on people and situations she knows nothing about because she doesn't care about that.....only about taking shots at anyone she has an issue with.......for any or no reason. He'd said she's not a malicious person when her actions have proven countless times she clearly is. From the beginning she's been a colossal problem and a major drag on a lot of people. I'll stay civil here, try to. Whatever comes out of her vile mouth.....her effect is not a good one. So, I'll say it again, you know who you are, keep it up, it will be reflected right back in your face on this site and elsewhere. You're not getting off the hook that's gone on for too long already. Too many people are onto you. You've been warned. And furthermore, what are you doing on my site? Get off my page, and me you sicko.

then again

ironically speaking, if *it* is on my page reading this, you know who you are, and you have no business being here or in my life. So get off. Get it, sicko? You are NOT WELCOME.

I repeat

I only write this after three years of hell at this person's making.

I am NOT saying she's responsible for EVERY bad thing that's happened to me. I am not saying I'm not responsible for my own mistakes and I've never not accepted responsibility for them.

There's a chance I'm wrong. I suppose there's always a chance I"m wrong. But how would you explain it? Every time the same horrible thing happened, or another equally horrible thing, for three years happened, and every single time, and I mean EVERY single time for three years her name has come up at the same time.......what would you say....I ....I know there are people who will say it's all a coincidence. The same coincidence hundreds of times for three years you know that doesn't make sense. Overwhelmingly likely she has something to do with it. You can fault me.....but my heartfelt, deepest, soundest reasoning plus things I happen to KNOW and the fact that after doing a little investigation my .....what I was sure was true was proven to be true. If I'm wrong I'm wrong. But it's too ......I mean with 99 percent likelihood I'm right.....I just know. You know certain things.

I guess live and learn....was lucky to have lived.

If you knew .....it's so hard to write about this. How deep how thorough the pain I went through because of her is....yes, I know she's not the only one, I know there are other things that hurt me other times. But she is involved in what is most recent and what has caused me hell in the past three years. AND I repeat, who is she to say what I can and cannot express? I have experienced some horrible people. I have unfortunately gotten too close to them. No, I'm not saying I never did anything wrong, but I admit I did....these people have never once in their lives EVER admitted they were wrong, even though they were wrong every day.

so.....

you may think what I'm writing about this person is horrible. But far scarier and more horrible is the pain and suffering I've been through for the past three years much at her doing. Who the hell are you to try to say what I can and can't do artistically or in my personal life? And I could say some really bad stuff but won't. Here.
But for all the nasty things you do to me behind my back I will write equally nasty and evil stuff about you on my Web page.....get it sicko?

stuff

I wrote yesterday was quite harsh at times but it's only after years of suffering because of this person.....you know I was told to keep it on the page so I did.......

stuff more

I wrote some pretty heavy stuff but it makes sense everything about yesterday was crazy, intense and dark and crazy. A couple bad things had happened.....but then a couple good things happened. I naturally blow everything out of proportion.....



well....news speaks for itself. The Chinese "curse" I think is may you live in interesting times. Interesting it definitely is. Thousands of people showing up at Zuccotti Park to protest. A lot more on this at a later time. I mean I understand it wasn't right to shut down the train stations.....I agree. I mean, *I* was inconvenienced because I couldn't get on the train. But .....well it's--I'm overwhelmed by it.


Also, I went to Cafe Mezcal yesterday I had gone there from time to time for.....I had felt like I should even though at first it was really weird for me and I knew not one person. NOt really anyway. Again, this is something to report on later but it's early late I'm .....at least trying to sleep.....but I've met some really amazing people and it's right on the block in the area where I have quite a lot of memories, good and bad. The night ended well in all respects except for one. But basically very well.

I would tell

her she needs to get over the fact that she was dumped 13 years ago but you can't talk any sense into that thing....like I said, start with me, be nasty to me you can expect me to be nasty right back. eye for eye, tooth for tooth ect ect

picture?

if that's a defense I don't know because I don't want to look at her or that evil sneer, devil doll expression. It's oozing out of her. Cut cut snip snip be gone bitches

in saying that I feel a surge of power

there are different kinds of vampires "good" and "bad" aren't the words I'd use but that IT is a psychic vampire if ever they existed, if ever a copybook definition of that ever lived. She is truly evil. I would say she is evil juju but that's an insult to evil juju. That sick vile kind of ectoplasm or whatever *it* is. She is the antimatter of the human species, nothing good has come of her existence.....

but having detached that thing from me I feel a new kind of power and energy and grace within me...was feeling terrible now I'm better, a better person for having (and having to do it nastily you know but weapons are weapons, at times they're necessary) *it* that thing out of my life

you know who you are

 the worst thing that has ever disgraced the earth with *it's* existence. I was very unfortunate to have it in my life. that IT. that is not a human being. The worst thing she is, really absolutely the worst thing ever. She is an evil, savage wicked monster. That can't be a person. She can't get over the fact that she was dumped 13 years ago (and can you blame him?) hey you want to be nasty and evil to me I'll make sure it all slams back right upon you and you know who you are you sick decrepit beast. There are others sadly just like her. They (and there are he's in the mix) don't pick on someone who is their match, like, a guy with money power weapons at hand. THAT would be a fair fight. But fair fighting is not what they're good at. They choose to mess with females who have little to their defense.....oh that's an easy target. Hurting someone like that is nothing to be proud of, it's not much of an achievement. So get over yourself. You cannot defend your behavior, your actions or by now, your existence on this planet. I only hope and pray it ends soon.I had a nightmare last night about someone I don't know about heaven, hell what have you....but this human being is not in a good place. Deservedly so. You might as well get used to it, it's gonna be a while. That's about all I have to say about them.

Miss Honey Ouija..........................

maybe that was vulgar.....I was going on a certain direction to write down something anyway

Sugar Strawberry

Sugar Strawberry


OK I edited that out "sssss" cause I guess....I don't know. I write things down then some work some don't 

Strawberry by ~guszti132

Because Aphrodite/Venus is the goddess/queen of sluts/prostitutes and pornography but you don't hear abou this as much now.....it was from a Greek friend who was an expert on this history I began to learn the "truth" about her about 10 years ago. Also around that time .....well some other time for that. She wasn't then as......she was later depicted more kind of serene and sweet. She was less so back in the beginning. I'm really obsessed with this theme now as you can see......fall asleep, then am woken,then can't sleep. When I'm in frenzied creative activity it takes me and my mind at least a day to spin off come down from it.....heavy duty concentration. 

On another note, another plug is that I'm reading the book "The Help" I have SO much praise for this book. I love Southern literature and the culture is so fascinating. I don't love the obvious human rights horrors that occured there.....I hate bigotry or any kind of caste system at all. But maybe that's what intrigues me that is part of this incredibly rich history yet this one part was so wrong and horrific. This is very well written. I'm not finished yet. Can't wait to see the film.

sun is yours ride the sky (words are mine)

sun is yours ride the sky sun is yours ride the sky sun is yours ride the sky




gold gold shatter the light

Sabrina Moles

Female/Italy    

Apollo and Daphne by *bluealaris

 

 

poetry and fdh go together

felix da housecat. try it some time.



I wrote the poem below last early am like 3 or so.....witching hour! I was in a horrible mood. ONe of those things. dark days.....the world over.....  turned art......

new words by Laura Saiter on the sea

on the Venus theme


the mirrors sea
had to be
out of vapors over my skin
this had to be
seas too many

strawberry that's you skin that's me

give me green
feel it over me
on the edge 

sugar that's me
all of them are me



if it's meant to be
the sea is a  mirror
foam and steam
whiter and  hotter



it's silver slippery
this a mirror this the sea is rising and falling

it's Edinburgh Glastonbury
Cape Town a mirror
fragments splash of water
light is split
it's you, it's them
it's you it's them

my twin my brother
my twin my brother
is a rapist is a lover
is a sadist is a sensualist
is spiritual metaphysical
lost returning which way
I'm in all that I'm in
a mirror is the sea
sea is the mirror
it's meant to be that's mine
meant to be that's mine
foam rises meant to be that's mine

Afrohead (Felix Da Housecat) - Yesterday

Aphrodite Venus

I just completed the thrilling chore of handwashing a bunch of clothes. anyway.....Venus in UV. This is fascinating to me, the light spectrum.


I particularly like this depiction of Aphrodite by http://forgotten-phoenix.deviantart.com/

Lauren Marie the artist 

A rattlesnake that doesn't bite teaches you nothing. Jessamyn West

This knocked the wind out of me. I got a FB message to wish a certain person Happy Birthday....man after the way he screwed me that is so ludicrous it's......what words?

But I'm going to be nice. To forgive, forget......forget how  (figuratively, it would have been easier if literally......) and there are no words to describe that......

Scorpio and Leo is a fascinating combination.....I'm a Leo with Scorpio as rising sign.

Maybe I should hate this person. I should hate this person. I have every reason to.

But.....what is the saying?

The question is this: is it worth getting bitten? 


The other is.....how did it feel, getting bitten? Had to throw that in. And you still have the marks. 

If

I did something wrong, to hurt or offend.....to the person I address this to, you know who you are......then from the bottom of my heart I apologize as it was not ever my intention to. However, you have now angered me and offended me. Very gravely. For you to take the tone you did.................you were well overstepping your boundaries. I thought with time I'd get over it. It would go away. This grievance. But it hasn't and it never does. Some things don't, just don't go away. You remember like it was five minutes ago. Especially from people who take the attitude like I, the world, owes them something when in fact *I'm* doing THEM a favor. So be righteously indignant, delude yourself.....enjoy the deluded universe you live in. But none of it is real......

privacy

some online sites have published my (former) addresses my (fake ) DOB yes I'm paying for naivite beware of any and all internet sites asking for personal information like a copy of your drivers license beware any time you sign up with a credit card I did and gave all fake information but it's online now......I will absolutely NEVER file change of address with the post office. Apparently that's carte blanche for them to publish your address. Because of this, my place was broken into no kidding. Anyway, live and learn. Sadder is not the word; more like busted and broken but wiser you know

CXB: "I'm Not Talking About Politics"

God X Bro is fucking hysterical......my former bf's former roommate

you know, to be a good soldier as well

 this is hilarious I love it.......





http://aishamusic.blogspot.com/2011/11/since-madonna-has-decided-to-rip-off.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FiJHH+%28Aisha+Music%29







I have said I do not believe in "karma" but hey the flipside is don't underestimate anyone either. You're an asshole to too many people eventually you'll piss off the wrong ones. That's what happens when you go through life thinking .....well anyway.......


I have a lot to say on like subject but don't have time for it now. I do, however, have legitimate complaints. 

another revision sky dancer

love and it's real

 it's real
so many yellows!

so is all this light

all this light so much of it

this light this one oh only this one




you, me and her
did it slip right by me?


this one is pink
this one's for friendship




theirs and not his
theirs and never his
all of theirs and never his



something in here, wired in me
white in me
all that was peachy pink


and there could never be too many

my face aches 

all of me is raw and heavythe screen is red, black and red
it's coming at you really at them
remember it's not real
black ants seem to multiply faster than birds
if there's one there are a million of them
face was so tender so was he
it was up to you to protect him
you did the right thing
they never told you
no one will tell you but you know

the cat was orange he scratched my arms
in a tree, the snow piercing the part of your legs that were bare
in a playground covered in snow ice
nothing can live here, yet it does
you are here, you and her
the car is not warm
you move your toes
your mother and her husband are out
you and your step sister her in plaid
we will freeze, but we don't

now you and the one who looks like him
are in some kind of garage
what are you doing?


you're eighteen your hair is red
the night is black
the doors are silent
you were waiting for someone

what are these eyes

what is this face

why are they glowing

yes it was hot hot in there

why are they glowing

let me travel to him him to me

promising safety

please fix the road for me

and it's getting dark

the pills were blue

the snow was white

then his text

a light! another then another

sometime, sometime

legs scraped raw again

somehow I got back

oh a storm quieted down
this thing that lives in my head

these lights are bright in the snow
it all stands out
the presents under the tree [?????]

is this coming day, now it's night

Persephone dragged down to hell 

in the snow marking it

presents sit in the living room

lights go out and candle flames move like water

this night

there's no one around

my cat comes in from outside

the snow makes a white mountain

this is the god of winter

at your fingertips
a spark of deadly freeze

white and holy r

I'm stirring white paste in a barrel

the bag is pink

the white is snow

it has a peachy smell

it's a pink band aid

there's a devil doll outside

in a Santaria shop
he bobs gently and grins

you were warned
you were curious you know

they're marching in green

which one was stolen

three syllables

three bells

this one, the blue forms clouds, blueberries?

a blue boy on the wall

I feel rawness and blisters every time I breathe in

aching, aching my body

in from the cold

a ring, one for every kind of day

I went over this recently and it needed a lot of work.....not publishing the final version just yet but here's a MUCH more refined version the last few were very rough ******************LMSaiter












8 am, 7 am which hour was it
plastic is cheap barely containing
somewhere it spilled
overspilled




a car, too many
crossing the street

it was winter this time


other earrings, those ones gold
the others diamond
this that's happening
I can't feel my mind
I've stepped outside myself
someone grabs my wrist someone grabs me
being naked being desired feeling the buzz

fell asleep

had strange dreams of an old friend and her husband visiting........then a strange, ghostly couple in a library, and that I went into another friend's place (who lives uptown) he had given me the keys for.....then he came in.

got Devil and Lovers

relationship reading. Devil is "our baser desires" or more like "sins of the flesh." That it certainly is!

Kali Ma

I'm giving a plug to this awesome website devaintart a lot of modern depictions of mythical figures, gods and goddesses I love this kind of stuff.....this is Kali Ma.....


http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&global=1&q=kali+ma#/d36og3o

Now I know

why people who are complete strangers to me give me the looks they do, like they know something about me or who I am. I'm really horrified. I don't know HOW pictures of me (with my face, not that I'm ashamed of it; you know, I think I'm attractive, but still.....) got on adult/hooker/ ect sites, or that I'm a sub, or worse.............or my name. Phone number. Someone clearly wanted to harass me, and they succeeded.They......people who I don't know or was never with made up stories about me; you know, anyone can say anything about anyone. It's like bathroom graffiti just one the web.

So. Clarity. This is not my doing. What else can I say? Get to know me, know who I really am.

And I don't work as a sub. And on and on. 

I couldn't

keep this in my head forever. I didn't even start pole dancing til I was in my thirties, but ......it can be done; you have to work at it...... So I did. My arms, legs would be bruised the next day.....I would just want to sleep.....so much and it was terribly hard work but I just kept going; why? Why did I put myself through this. I didn't have to. No one told me to. But I did. I kept writing too.....I went in life in art to hell and heaven and all over, low and high. For it---- to happen this way with so much ugly drama; of course I didn't want that. I put myself through all that cause I believed in it. There was not much conflict; the way there was with other things.
I was, younger, very trusting where I should have listened to my instincts and not been. But I couldn't imagine someone......that they would do that; it was preposterous. And ....for so long......and get away with it. I didn't know but I had.....I could sense something was way, way off, something was really wrong. I just had this chronic bad feeling; but now I know and that's gone. I'm very relieved.....

been a while but not neglecting.....

I'm re-writing and memorizing my stuff preparing to perform it......and am ...........it's all so intense. I keep wanting to go down to OWS I think I'll go there and dance that's the best thing! There is more to come.....

sky dancer

love and it's real
love and it's real
so many yellows!
the yellows are bright
so is all this light
all this light so much of it
this light this one oh only this one


you, me and her
you, me and her
did it slip right by me?
this one's Jasmine
this one is pink
this one had softer petals than this one

there is a cross on the screen
theirs and not his
theirs and never his
all of theirs and never his

there's a monster on the screen
his it's all his
he reads your emails
it looks like him but it isn't
somewhere nearby he's sleeping
you're just a little east by a sooty river

and how your face aches
your legs and arms
all of you is raw and heavy
the screen is red, black and red
it's coming at you really at them
remember it's not real
black ants seem to multiply faster than birds
if there's one there are a million of them
face was so tender so was he
it was up to you to protect him
you did the right thing
they never told you
no one will tell you but you know

the cat was orange he scratched my arms
in a tree, the snow piercing the part of your legs that were bare
in a playground covered in snow ice
nothing can live here, yet it does
you are here, you and her
the car is not warm
you move your toes
your mother and her husband are out
you and your step sister her in plaid
we will freeze, but we don't

now you and the one who looks like him
are in some kind of garage
what are you doing?


you're eighteen your hair is red
the night is black
the doors are silent
you were waiting for someone

what are these eyes
what is this face
why are they glowing
yes it was hot hot in there
why are they glowing
let me travel to him him to me
promising safety
please fix the road for me
and it's getting dark
the pills were blue
the snow was white

presents were green
others red
then his text
a light! another then another
it can be so cold
so cold at night

sometime, sometime
legs scraped raw again
somehow I got back
thinking I was free
I was deceived

but for that moment the night was blanketed in white
red, blue and green lights gently hung around the old red brick buildings
so cold, but a sign of warmth
that you're home
no longer in a desert

the day to celebrate Christ
is this coming day, now it's night
and it's very silent only your feet make noise
in the snow marking it
presents sit in the living room
in a church your family stands next to you
lights go out and candle flames move like water
and it's quiet
she calls you a bitch
that morning the tsunami hits
you don't feel it here, or do you?
so thankful for the quiet this night
no one around
my cat comes in from outside
the snow makes a white mountain
this is the god of winter
an ice pick dosed in spearmint
your fingertips are a spark of deadly freeze
where no light comes
as the mercury ball drops

I'm not OK
I'm a grotesque monster of a wreck
I've been that
that thing think it's a piece of cheap pulp
but that thing is real
it's in me?

your emails have been read
somewhere someone is dancing
somewhere, the FARCs are getting rich
somewhere there's a white paste is stirred in a barrel
but here you're in a makeshift mall
step into a bathroom
white and holy r
the bag is pink
the white is snow
it has a peachy smell
it's a pink band aid
there's a devil doll outside
in a Santaria shop
he bobs gently and grins

you were warned
you were curious you know

somewhere people are marching in green, green leaves so sharp they cut
insects big as your hand
which one was stolen
three syllables
three bells
this one, the blue forms clouds, blueberries?
a blue boy on the wall

my nose hurts
aching, aching my body
and one came in from the cold
the air sucked out of the room
like in the barrel of a shotgun
or a piercing
a ring, one for every kind of day


in your bag a bottle breaks
the same spot, someone is hit by a car
the skull dances at night
smell of shoes off in a distance
coming for you
the rebels are coming for you

in your bag a bottle breaks
the same spot, someone is hit by a car
the skull dances at night
smell of shoes off in a distance
coming for you
the rebels are coming for you

Saint Seiya Aphrodite    

By Fayeuh


This artist is a French female. love this stuff on deviantart!

Blair the liar, murderer and crook

Tony Blair is an absolute disgrace to humanity. I wonder how his parents feel having given birth to such an awful human being. He is a professional liar, thief and a fraud from head to toe. He is a disaster in the world. He is an ignorant at best at worst someone with absolutely no conscience and that is not someone to put in a position of leadership. I am sure he has taken gifts of some kind. I see through you though, and so does the public now. You have no defense for your actions.

How could anybody vote for him? I don't understand it. It defies all logic. That too is inexcusable. 

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article718100.ece


He belongs in prison. But, wait a minute, doesn't everyone think this?

I went back and forth on whether to publish this. Too many people are still praising this man when they shouldn't....so many articles I find are at best mish mashy. He .....needs to be somewhere where he can't hurt anyone. Why WHY are people like him out in the world? That explains many things.......

but

speaking of stealing some shithead just took my phone from the library.....GGGGGRRRRRRHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




so those who wish to talk to me can email or msg for now.......


all your emotional support to get my stuff back are not necessary but will appreciated; cause I need this, and it wasn't theirs to take.  ) thanks

copyrights

sorry if I violated any laws or anyone's work wasn't intended.....as for art  ......but I never tried to pass it off as my own. I respect fully people's ownership of their work. please contact me if I did something wrong tried to be careful......truly)

protests, arrests

http://www.edrants.com/occupy-wall-street-slutwalk-nyc/

this and the news of 700 arrested.....700! How many were at the RNC? But the truth is in one's actions. I wonder why the police are so eager to protect these corporate criminals, ok...actually that is not my opinion that is what they are. How long will they keep getting away with what they're doing? As long as the police are on their side, it'll be a long time. Those who speak out will be jailed instead.


All the news of these protests are tugging at my heart and bringing me back to my cheering days. More I'll say on this at a later date. I miss all that. (

3 A M Eternal Lyrics

3 A M Eternal Lyrics: Klf 3 A M Eternal lyrics . These 3 A M Eternal lyrics are performed by Klf Get the music video and song lyrics here. This is Radio Freedom KLF! unh huh, unh huh, unh huh, unh huh KLF is gonna rock you are you ready (unh huh, unh huh) [ANCIENTS OF MU MU]

Focusing Your POWER - How to be Happy Part 2

This is even funnier than the one I posted on FB.....this is not an attack on anyone's spiritual way I'm agnostic not religious....but nonetheless these are words of wisdom. My friend called him a "devil worshipping life coach" lol

dreams

That there was a baby doll representing me....who.....as I looked under the surface, was full of decomposing flesh. I dream a lot about corpses. And graveyards.

Today that I was writing songs and looking at other stuff of mine, in a music room 

cults brainwashing and Hollywood

I've avoided going here for a long time.....but come on. Look at his eyes, his face. That's the spaced out expression cult victims get.........brainwashing? People are encouraged to surrender everything they have for the religion, the organization......I mean materially. All their savings to these  insane monsters. Just being candid and honest.

Cirrus Boomerang

I found this just now......never heard the extended version .....super exquisite

getting ready to perform

at st Marks ......no make up, barely a costume, no panties everyone!

Joke. Really. I wore undies......................

another gothic pic

love this one......artist is Hotoke I believe, Brazilian

la starla=me!

people have been on top of me all day long. I just wanted to watch some videos. I must be incredibly hot.....seriously I feel better I just rolled out of bed in my ridiculous sweat pants/jammies but this is happening so something must be right! I was dancing on the pole (not stripping ) it is SO hard but fabulous....after the fact. I was sore everywhere in a good way.....seriously though, I've been crashed into non stop it seems. Not to mention trying to sleep with my phone buzzing constantly.....

Keeping up Appearances S01E02P01

My mother loves this show why I decided to find this on YouTube I'm not really sure except that it came to mind today.....

TREND: Jean Pierre Braganza - Elevated cat eyes

I promise more creative writing to come I've been doing a lot (of writing, handwritten) and it's worn me out....so all I can wrap my brain around now is makeup.....I have to type it out. I've been rehearsing my dance/poem piece getting ready to perform at Under St. Marks....theme tonight is "chaos." Well for me that's everything until I organize it like I had to do today.....anyway, for this video   I watched this and actually earlier today I did my eyes a little like this they .....it was tricky; at first but after ......you have to blend it really well.  Someone recently asked me some interesting questions; if I write free verse or meter? Well I always write free to start out and it takes on its own form the more I work on it. This color (which I just noticed matches my dress!) looks beautiful with her eyes.

I am SO embarrassed......

O

writing from three months ago

I am a different person than I was even then....looking at some of the stuff I wrote ....ahh! I tend to scribble stuff....but I really have changed. I am all the time.

written before

loneliness is profound but so is the value of those who step into that lonely seemingly endless empty space between two people.

I mean I wrote this

OK. I decided to separate this paragraph because it's mixed up with what's below; though the theme is still death. Two different ways. It's a dark day; don't want to think about it it's a horrible and morbid topic. Obviously. I understand the need to commemorate. I myself don't want to participate; I need to step away from this. For my own reasons. I can only say my heart goes out to all the victims and of course it never should have happened. My point is, perhaps it's this day combined with the start of the waning moon (I can hear it now; pagan! Wiccan!) plus a rather unpleasant incident this morning that had me thinking on this stuff. I mean what I wrote about below.

Vampire Costume make-up tutorial

But anyhow......fall's approaching and Halloween so I woke up this AM thinking about Gothic figures such as vampires and the "dark" gods and goddesses............this video I think is actually very funny.

Hecate aka Hekat aka Ekat

A host of other names. Cthonia I think is the word. She's among my favorite of the ancient goddesses and I wish I knew who the artist was who did this picture. This is gorgeous and I am pleased that searching for pictures of her there is a TON of stuff out there. Also inspiration for how to do my own make up ......for certain occasions. I love dark art. This painting in particular really stood  out. Hekate is the ancient Greek goddess of the crossroads, which particularly fascinate me.

http://news.yahoo.com/lawmakers-sign-cracks-decorum-obama-job-speech-023436102.html

UGh! Every time I turn on the news it's retardedness like this.

crisis .....solved

somehow my email and this blog disappeared. fortunately I got it back. you just never know when shit's going to happen. lesson learned.....

Kardashians and their bogus credit card

http://www.nyconthecheap.com/2010/12/consumer-beware-kim-karsashian-credit-card-is-a-rip-off-and-scam/

someone beat me to it on dragging the dirt on these people. I have a problem with a) privileged children I do.......I grew up with them so I guess it's, well, you know and b) I can't stand waste and these people are exactly that in every sense of the word......I am being harsh here but cruel to be kind. There is so much more to do with one's limited time on earth. And so many valuable ones to be saved, those who absolutely need and deserve it. And resources. Please take them off the air. Ok. I am on a holy mission to get them off. The television.

God bless the messengers. Burn bitches!

dance audition coming up

for a rap video....hmm. just cause why not.....this'll be interesting

how to fry your clothes dry

I went to the gym, forgot my headphones, ran outside. Excuse me, my headphones broke. I got back in there after a torturous run across town, on the west side highway (very pretty though, love riverside drive) very wet healthy in a sticky sweaty way. Got in the shower, had to wash my clothes as I had to straight to an event and didn't want to show up with smelly clothes and shoes. Washed them out in the shower. I didn't have access to a washer/dryer didn't want to leave them in the locker like that ect. so that was my only option. They still needed to dry......so......as I didn't have 12 hours to wait for that to happen naturally, I laid my pants on the sauna and the water fizzed up and out. The other side. Then my socks. You have to be very careful when doing this and attentive. Anyway, now they're not 100 percent dry but more than they would have been. And lighter. It gets to be grueling carrying wet clothes around. I speak from many years of experience dealing with this......

books

Ive been reading so much online as well as stuff I'm given, or else new Olive Tree editions, that I haven't read any actual books. But here's my upcoming list of stuff:


Othello, by Shakespeare............have read this before and was getting back into it. I think it inspired some intense dreams. The part of Iago fascinates me I'd love to play that.


The Help...........Yes I want to read this.


Another site with some literature of this genre or I guess related....Southern African American spirituality....A-Mazing

.http://www.southern-spirits.com/index.html  


Emma by Jane Austen...............when I visited my mom she always had yet another version of this film so I've gotten around to wanting to read the actual book. Read Pride and Prejudice, Mansfield Park (I recommend) and Persuasion.


more on this later


I also found this; well the author read from it at an event at Under St. Marks....I have to say; well I will get more into this. Awesome. Fabulous. Code? I did try to read some Sartre got completely confused....Simone de Beauvoir I have read. Blaise St. Mary? Catholic? I promise to write more on this.....Some passages sound Biblically inspired.....



OK. I think this is the right link:  


http://sites.google.com/site/thefallofrainbowheights/

more drama stuff

getting this all posted delays apologies.....but here goes:

I wrote this wow a year ago! Handwritten, on one of my little gadget notebooks I got from Sustainable NYC very nice little hippie store on Ave A. Biodegradable paper. Hand crafted. This was sitting in storage I pulled it out....this only the beginning.


8/29/10


when you said
when you said
that death was mine
you the incurable
bastards
they didn't couldn't




this was inspired by Anne Sexton was reading a lot of her then .....

Emotional

I'm a Leo naturally a drama queen. The more I read and write in my little notebooks as per advised very brilliantly by VS the more I see my own well you know......that's the stuff of my new book.....) Screenplay?

The Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow

I wanted to write more about yoga I took a class the day before the storm and it tore me apart in so many ways. Then I was put back together. This video has....how do I describe? Moments of the kind of darker or what have you type stuff.....so much of what you see on yoga now has this sugar sweetness to it but for me it brings out so many .....well things that are not sweet. I am influenced by some articles I read though I was told they are plagiarized from another writer. I really would like to know who the original writer is....this stuff is brilliant. Will ...let's see....here they are. The stories. 

-

BTW you don't have to be a satanist to understand the ideas in the article.....though it's written from their perspective. I do not necessarily agree with all the views of the author, whoever it is. I absolutely do not endorse the other ideas presented on that particular web site. It's been shown to be a fraud, a front for something far more sinister I'd rather not go into.....but anyhow. The material I highlighted is......I really want to find out who the real author is. It's so dead on.

I am

fair delicate and sensitive everywhere. Ultra sensitive to noise, temperature......certain foods. Always craving sugar. Slow metabolism. Need lots of sleep. Eyelashes are super thing tangle easily therefore putting on mascara is difficult and time consuming because it takes a lot of effort to make it even. They are extremely fine. I tried false eyelashes but they looked kind of bizarre on me. Will continue.

A couple months ago I was at Sephora by Union Square and tried to recreate an Edie Sedgwick look I saw an online video about, pixiewoo is her name. I ended up looking like a freak, oh goodness. My skin and eyes are so fair the contrast was really stark. Edie had brown eyes and mine are blue......light......that may be part of it. Eyebrows super dark or prominent just don't look right on me. It was too much. I looked like a deranged Boy George....not very Edie or Factory or 60s like I was going for. I love doing retro looks just cause I'm dramatic a performer and it's thrilling for me.....I will keep at this til it's perfected......

rite aid

ever since I started going to the one on 20th street to pick up my prescription, I became obsessed with taking my blood pressure at the machine there. It always goes down after I've gone running. Substantially.