vuelve vuelve

correction. means "come to me, come to me."

so many things, too many to mention.

parts

back to auditioning, getting new pictures a real pain in the ass, but now I really know what I'm doing in ways I didn't before. All will take a good deal of exertion and results won't be overnight, or maybe they will!

I can't wait for the Men In Black shoot. Of course I'm aiming to rise up......in at least one way.

never know where life will take you.....

some people in, others out. maybe there's a pun in there.

then out, then in.

gets pretty dizzying.


Who knows what is.....but I'm following my instincts.

why

look in the mirror, and you will see the exact cause of why this happened. This is YOUR doing. If you hadn't been such and asshole, I wouldn't have been tempted to stray.....

dreams

I had the weirdest dream today....we were in the music room, one of the rooms. someone came up to us, a guy, and you beat him up

On Calamus

I'm researching various herbs and this is one. There is a great deal of information on the net, and me not being a botanist or biologist, it's not for me to explain that way. But I have found out that this drug was "tested" on animals in a laboratory; fed to them. In rats, it caused tumors. Thus it was banned from U.S. markets as a medicine.

Calamus has been used for thousands of years around the world as medicine (for human beings). Its main use is as a sedative.



From the site Drugs.com this is written:

Calamus Adverse Reactions

Little or no adverse reactions data is available, as all calamus products have been removed from the US market because of toxicity.

In other words, according to this article, there is little evidence of toxicity as human medicine. It has been removed from the market due to its injection in unwilling participants in a scientific study: rats. This was enough proof that it's dangerous. But in fact, it is not toxic; it is beneficial. On this same site it is written:

History

The fragrant underground portion (the rhizome) has been used medicinally since biblical times. Popular European books on medicinal plants touted calamus as a “wonder drug.” It was commonly used in folk medicine as a nervine, most likely linked to the tranquilizing effect of cis-isoasarone (the major component of the oil). 3 It has been used in traditional medicine for the treatment of digestive disorders and childhood colic. Infusions of the rhizome have been suggested for the treatment of fever, and chewing the rhizome has been said to relieve irritated throats and to remove the odor of tobacco.

The ground rhizome is used as a spice and commercial flavoring in drinks, cosmetics, and toothpastes. However, because of an association with isoasarone and the development of tumors in animals, the use of calamus and its extracts is prohibited in the US.


So results from an animal model were criteria for banning a drug that has been used successfully as medicine for thousands of years. Bottom line, animal and human biology is not the same, we do not react to chemicals the same way dogs or rats or any animal does. This proves my point, not just mine but that of many other animal activists, that animal testing is FRAUD and must be banned. Animal testers belong in jail. NOWHERE ELSE. They are sick individuals who know what they are doing, know that the evidence they provide to the public and FDA is completely unreliable and useless, not to mention they willingly hurt innocent beings, knowing it serves no practical purpose whatever.


http://www.animalliberationfront.com/Philosophy/Animal%20Testing/Vivisection/vivisectionfaqs.htm

http://www.afma-curedisease.org/


http://www.peh-med.com/content/4/1/2


The fact that I'm posting this link will make me a target for the FBI as a "terrorist" because these people have been monitored for years. But, name calling does not erase the facts. A crime is a crime, regardless of a person's job or status in society. There are many, the stories are endless, corrupt judges, police officers, professors, governors, ect. ect. well you get the idea.


There are many sites which explain the uses of calamus in treating many illnesses here's but one:
http://www.herbcraft.org/calamus.html

I love procrastinating.....after intense creativity

is fascinated by tabloid gossip. the relationship between kate hudson and matthew bellamy liz taylor richard burton sean penn/robin wright/scarlett johansen who's divorcing/cheating/marrying/expecting......makes me feel less a cow if I am knocked up. face it, people want to watch others (rich people) suffer that's why they read this.


I bum around like this after a performance I am doing new material which squeezes me dry. but I am again getting fabulous responses! Vuelve Vuelve/LSD 25.........


and yoga. that's rough. keeping focus.

after a long night's work at the club I catch up, as per ritual, on the latest current events and literature: that means the National Enquirer at Duane Reade. Seriously I love reading this. It's not all alien spaceships they report on murders and people who are literally real life vampires. That's not made up. And.....all this stuff about Michael Douglas............Elizabeth Taylor..........

I feel for Michael Douglas and what he's going through. And anyone with cancer, of course. my family has had its share.

also.....a stream of young women being killed and no one knows why ............just last night I was having a good one at Penny's Open Mike which went very well. Did my new stuff, good response. Turned on the news this morning, yahoo headlines, and read that another woman was stabbed by her boyfriend. That and the Russian woman and her mom. And that girl ......Coit? forgot her first name. One woman ended up in a dumpster outside club Space in Miami, where I went. The reality hooker star Brooke Phillips was found dead and burned somewhere. It goes on and on. A day at the morgue, what would that be like? Brooke Phillips was made out to have a pretty nice life but I guess it wasn't so much. Again, no explanation.

I did read that most murder victims are males, killed by other males.

under attack?

I may have been. I went through hell last month. I'm feeling some of the aftershocks. Last month was horrible. With the tsunami in Japan and all the shit in Congress by the shitheads there......ugh! I met someone who knows that banal Boehner and who said he is certifiably psychopathic. He NEVER should have been allowed to get this job! That and my personal problems. A nasty row I had with someone. And other stuff. I won't deny I get jealous and vindictive. Others get that way with me. I'm not pretending to be a saint, you know.



I have to, had to wash this off me. Slowly. The tarot cards even said a new clarity would come.

today

for some reason I was in a horrific mood, that combined with just wanting to sleep. Maybe one instigates the other. I was pissed off. I'm better now. I bought a 2 liter bottle of mountain dew and chocolate cookies and I'm a little better. I don't know what came over me.


I ran for an hour, but got back and just wanted to sleep. I was feeling very antisocial.


My usual routine that I'm supposed to keep up with, I have to catch up on.


On a better note, I'm thinking of what I want to do for summer thank god it's almost here. Enough of that crap February March weather! I ran into a guy on the bus yesterday whom I had worked with on the set. He is a producer, writer of pop songs. This woman was with him who said she's his manager. We had a nice conversation and possibly he can help me make pop songs.......

I want to audition for summer stock. That'd be a way ....well, I've never done it before. (!) why the heck not. Tennessee Williams......I've always wanted to be in Suddenly Last Summer. It's been an eternity since I've done plays.

Vuelve Vuelve Debut

I want to use this term (google to find meaning; it's Spanish for "return return" could be a lost lover or lost or stolen or lost, anything, really). Part Christian/Peruvian native mysticism. Associated with the Catholic Saint Anthony, who finds things.

Here's the poem I wrote and performed: I'm combining dance with spoken word. Eventually music and singing.


Amulet in red
red I bled

how did her face get pale, paler still?

And it's white, just like the moon

Swept away, off my feet

the groom, the bloom


red dust, let it rain down on us




Nice? I worked hard on this, the writing and dancing. Now, with great talent comes responsibility: on to performing this elsewhere and publishing. For dinero: which I need. The more the merrier the lovelier.



Thank you, in the deepest way, to those who complimented me and encouraged. It means everyhthing! If you thought it was shit, that's ok too. I'm happy I finally put this together and got it out there: because THAT is the hardest part. Perspiration and tears and then some!

Blesses kisses!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sarah Coit

This is someone who had everything going for her....except street smarts I guess.

"jisnotused 2 comments collapsed Collapse Expand

Do they have an article explaining why women are attracted to ferociously balding psychotic looking men with a peanut shaped face that wear a red velvet blazer?"

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• Reply

maybe because they're not. That's the biggest misperception among men---that women are attracted to assholes. That is simply not true. I repeat, that is NOT true.Get it? Or invertedly, men are attracted to bitches? anyway, I fail to see what she saw in him. personally I would run as far as I could......but maybe he put on a good act. you know? it's not something she anticipated probably I would imagine. Maybe she had self esteem issues, maybe not. Sad thing is, the city is so full of chaos, you hear loud screams all the time, and 98 percent of the time it's a false alarm or people messing around. Then the other 2 percent occurs, and people don't pay attention because they assume it isn't anything. The neighbors called 911, but it was too late. New Yorkers, contrary to what you hear, do care...at least many of them.....about someone else's need or suffering if it's extreme. People have stepped in for me in distressful times and I'm very grateful for that.
I would imagine. but in this day and age that ANYONE would tolerate, or be allowed to tolerate,
abuse like that, not know any better.....is the real travesty. there are SO many social services and social workers, whom she probably had much access to, who would have said you do not have to take this from anybody, no one has a right to abuse you. especially someone with the opportunities, advantages and resources she had; she had access to any number of psychiatrists, social workers, psychologists, school counselors, ect, who would have absolutely told her that. But.......obviously that didn't register. Or she wasn't told that or not enough. True, she could have witnessed this in her parents' relationship (that tells you something)......and tragically there are women around the world who just don't know any other way. But you wouldn't think in upper middle class, educated East Coast America girls wouldn't be educated against or about domestic violence? OR.......very believable and more likely........ he was stalking her and she couldn't get rid of him. Very likely; because sometimes the law does not completely protect the victims. true, she could have had anyone, but chose this pof? the bigger picture....that she was set up to tolerate this when she shouldn't have been. OR .....is there any record of her calling the police or any 800 number for stalking or domestic violence victims, or her getting an order of protection (if she was strangled she had ample proof)...........you know??????? A lot of open ends. Tragically, she wasn't saved when she could have been.

murdered hookers

Hm. in light of what's happening in Long Island (seems to be a haven for mass murderers) and reality star Brooke Phillips being murdered....and too many others to mention.

These are really hate crimes against women. I would say we're not in an equal society when this is happening.

I think I saw the episode with her. Seemed to have a pretty charmed life (flying to LA to get her hair done; though I'm inclined to disbelieve that) but I guess not.

on another note

I had decided I miss acting. I kind of drifted away from it but it wasn't my intention. So I started looking for work and was hired as an extra......yeah low status but I got paid to show up, and that's about it. I was even able to work in between. The people on the set were all very cool......and I met other people all of whom had tips on getting more work and agencies.......ah so many things. Probably 85 percent of a job is getting the job. Classes workshops agents ect ect so I got on the computer on 2 hours sleep and sent my picture to anywhere and everywhere just about. SAG roles non SAG (getting in the union another goal) and yes I was happy to be working NOT on some shit job I take just to pay the bills but something I believe in. Don't let anyone tell you you can't get a job you enjoy: they're full of it. Of course I aspire to move up on the heirarchy, but getting paid to hang out and meeting the people I did well I do miss it. Others inspired me. Best and better.

Then I was up til like 7am (after finishing at around 3am on the set......they had fed us til they ran out of money.) Then we stood out in the crap weather for what must have been a couple hours while they filmed a scene from every angle......so I left very exhausted but started working on a dance/performance piece I'm creating. Did my exercises, dance. Stretched. Meditated. It worked wonders. I solved a wretched problem today. Not entirely but mostly. Kudos ect. (!)

night at work

made money, for which I'm grateful because I need it. I had some company that was turning out not good. this person grabbed my hand and was trying to give me orders. NOBODY grabs me. I'm not his servant. I like this club. I believe in it. But you don't go into a place like this feeling entitled or like the women there are obligated to serve you. You go to have fun.....but occasionally there's a retard you know. A part of me feels compassion for people like him. He alienated people with his approach. He wasn't bad looking. What can I do? I was praying, please get him away from me. Divine intervention happened.....he found someone to give him attention then I was able to make my exit without a bad scene. Thank you!

stalking?

more on this

moi

Laura

people

are jealous? malicious? someone out there is

dreams

had a dream about something a woman between east 1st and york stalking.....? or some kind of unwanted contact. two women.

the tarot cards have been very disturbing lately. betrayal, death, disaster and love. jealousy.